Writing Competition: Discussion

[diebitter]

well, I'll withdraw mine no problem if we can agree a theme.

[katyseagull]

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I was thinking that too. We should all take a stab at the problem of fyodor's story - a missing week. That could be fun.

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lol, that is one weird story fyodor has going there! Sounds like he has sex and Eggs Benedict on the mind a lot. Not sure I could work with something like that myself but, hmm, you never know.

[pryor15]

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[ QUOTE ]
I was thinking that too. We should all take a stab at the problem of fyodor's story - a missing week. That could be fun.

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lol, that is one weird story fyodor has going there! Sounds like he has sex and Eggs Benedict on the mind a lot. Not sure I could work with something like that myself but, hmm, you never know.

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well, you wanted to know what guys are thinking...

[KilgoreTrout]

I'm not suggesting we rewrite his story. Our task would be to account for a missing week in our character(s) life.

[katyseagull]

Yes, I understood that. You were clear.

[thatpfunk]

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I was thinking that too. We should all take a stab at the problem of fyodor's story - a missing week. That could be fun.

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that sounds fun but for a contest wouldnt some sort of thematic guideline >> than plot guideline?

[Dane S]

Curious what you guys think of my story if anyone gets a chance to read it.

[BPA234]

I am glad you asked. I have been meaning to post about your story. I read the story three times. Twice because I thought it was excellent and once because I still can't figure out the significance of the protagonist's ability to walk/sleep through trouble spots unmolested.

I think your writing is very strong and I was extremely impressed. I think the following is a great example:

"Some formed large groups on the sidewalk that blocked the man’s path. He would look straight ahead and walk through the centers of the groups, provoking odd stares from all around, his face passing inches from other fierce, rigid faces. He could feel and smell the heavy anger that settled around him in such moments, but he could also feel confusion--cold, incredulous eyes searching among their ranks for some consensus, a spark of galvanization, but finding none before the strange ghost had vanished from their midst."

Particularly, "...a spark of galvanization..." sitting in the middle of that sentence.


I like the word choices, structure and phrasing.

The story as a whole is strong and I know that there is more underneath the surface; although I struggle to achieve full realization.

I do think that you could do some additional revision-there are a couple of sentences here and there that aren't up to the rest. I also think that you may be able to develop the story more. I think you could make it a little deeper and fuller-build it out a just a bit more.

Again excellent submission.

[Dane S]

Thanks BPA, I'm really glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the feedback.

I wrote this about a year ago and it's just been sitting in my documents folder, so when I saw the writing competition I decided to revise it quickly and submit it to see what people thought. I definitely agree with you it could use a lot more work.

Also a note for any interested readers: this story was actually inspired by a thread in the old heads-up & shorthanded strategy forum started by poker luminary Jeff W about exploitable and unexploitable poker strategies.

[BPA234]

You can definitely write, and that's an either you have it or you don't deal. You definitely do, the rest is just hard work.