Things said in chat that blow your mind and leave you speechless

[SWB]

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The funny thing is, if he made that bet thinking he could bluff you off the pot, then you may have been able to win the whole thing by three betting.

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Maybe. It honestly never occurred to me at the time that anybody would misread the board - being a casino there was a bad beat jackpot, and so everybody got very quiet and interested when three suited broadway cards hit the flop and we both started raising. Nowadays I have a better idea of how common it is for players to simply miss the board, so I might do it differently. But it's not a situation I really expect to run into very often.

[MatthewRyan]

"Go hang yourself"

[DemonDeac]

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$5-$10 NL, Donk raises to $50, I make it $150 w/ AA, he calls. 8 high flop. He bets $300, I push for about $700, he says "I HAVE to call." He had AQo.

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he put you on AK.....o wait

[danzasmack]

One time this guy to my right goes, "oh man, do you want to hear a sick BB story?"

I said "no" and he just shut up.

[Boquense]

Heh. 1/2$ NL post tournament cash game out in hickville a couple years back.....

I hold the button with QcJc after the loosest hillbilly on earth and his best friend both limp to my immediate right.

Flop is 9cTc2h. I bet the size of the pot, both call, turn is 4d, I bet again, of course realizing that neither of them would fold any pair/draw if the roof fell in on them, and they both called. River is nothing, and checks around. I show my Q high, hoping it's good, and they each turn over AK and laugh at the once in a lifetime rarity that they each held the same 2 cards.

Then Donkey B turns to Donkey A and quips "good hand, I knew you wasn't bluffin". Donkey A then replies "Naw man, I wouldn't bluff you".

Wow.

[Adam D]

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$5-$10 NL, Donk raises to $50, I make it $150 w/ AA, he calls. 8 high flop. He bets $300, I push for about $700, he says "I HAVE to call." He had AQo.

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he put you on AK.....o wait

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The funny thing is, when this guy would make terrible calldowns w/ bottom pair that was his other famous quote - "I put you on AK" There's nothing like putting them on a hand you can beat and donking off all your chips.

[Vince.]

MTT and we are getting close to the money. I'm getting short stacked and get AJo on the button. Everyone had folded around to me except UTG who had limped and had about the same stack size as me. I pushed (I had about 5000 left and blinds were around 200/400). He called with some crazy [censored] like 84 of diamonds. Of course he spiked a pair and took me out. I asked him what he was thinking and he said "I put you on stealing".

[evabrighton]

Had ATs on the button and raise. SB reraise and i cap. Flop comes QJ9. SB checks, I bet, SB calls.
Turn gives the K and my straight. Bet and SB calls. River is 2 and I bet and he calls with 88.
"Why call?" Notice the board is KQJ92...
"Thought you had overcards"
Halleluja - SB is the result of 5 billion years of evolution..

[ellipse_87]

Middle of a STT and I'm stealing this guy's blind repeatedly and eventually he speaks up, calling me out again and again, "You're raising my big blind every single time," stuff like that, but still folding. I keep doing it of course. Eventually I push Ax, he calls with 32s and wins. I berate him, he says, "I had to do something you were stealing like crazy."

I once told a woman who sucked out on me that I hope she got pregnant and someone beat her in her third trimester and she had a miscarriage.