Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[Henry17]

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Everyone sees reality differently. Beautiful people sometimes get positive feedback when they should get negative, and feedback is part of what determines how you act and view the world. Likewise, ugly people get negative feedback sometimes when they should get positive, and so tend to have a different outlook.

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I agree. My objection was to the claim that they have a distorted view of reality. They don't see reality differently they have different experiences. It is the conditions and facts that change not perception. There is only one reality. That people react differently to certain types of people is a given.

Also in the sense of full disclosure I'm not that attractive. If you look at males as a total then yes I'd be way above average but that is because the vast majority put in zero effort to look good and thus bring down the average. If you just consider only guys that actually try then I'm average.

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but I am guessing a lot of these guys who are asking for advice don't have a problem with your ethics.

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I'm not sure how we ended up on this tangent but the point I had originally started off trying to make was that the guys shouldn't come off as trying too hard. That they shouldn't care and be aloof. Too many of the posts started with a guy buying some kind of gift or trying to be really nice. I was just trying to explain that Veblen type approach works better. That being too nice works against them.

[jeffnc]

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Now if you called me superficial and egotistic then that would be accurate.

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Actually, "superficial" was precisely the thought that sprang to my mind about halfway through this exchange.

[jackflashdrive]

Henry,

This isn't here nor there, but this conversation reminds me of the book Either/Or by Soren Kierkegaard (19th century Danish Philosopher), which contains a debate of sorts between pseudononymous devotees of the aesthetic and ethical spheres of life.

A wiki desription of the relevant book can be found at this link .

But here is a brief summary of 'Diary of a Seducer' taken from that wiki:

[Diary of a Seducer, the first volume of Either/Or] illustrates how the aesthete holds the interesting as his highest value, and in life attempts to manipulate his situation from a boring one to an interesting one, to satisfy his voyeuristic reflections. He uses irony, artifice, caprice, imagination and arbitrariness to engineer poetically satisfying possibilities; he is not so interested in the act of seduction, but in willfully creating the interesting possibility of seduction.

Edit: I'll add that I like your advice, a lot of it does ring true for the population you are discussing.

[JanelleBB7]

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Also in the sense of full disclosure I'm not that attractive. If you look at males as a total then yes I'd be way above average but that is because the vast majority put in zero effort to look good and thus bring down the average. If you just consider only guys that actually try then I'm average.

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[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]
Your way above average and yet not...
Henry, in the sense of full disclosure post a picture so we can see how being aloof works for you.

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I'm not sure how we ended up on this tangent but the point I had originally started off trying to make was that the guys shouldn't come off as trying too hard. That they shouldn't care and be aloof. Too many of the posts started with a guy buying some kind of gift or trying to be really nice. I was just trying to explain that Veblen type approach works better. That being too nice works against them.

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So your advice to an average guy is that he is best off not trying. Hmmmm... an average guy? If by this you mean that he shouldn't be all over her and bothering her, ok I get it, but the average guy does need to put in effort. He can't just go around like "whatever" and get the girl he wants.

[Bork]

You are bad at reading.

1. He said he was above average among one group, and average among another group.

2. He said to appear to not try too hard. He did not say not to try at all.

[keikiwai]

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You are bad at reading.

1. He said he was above average among one group, and average among another group.

2. He said to appear to not try too hard. He did not say not to try at all.

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this thread has devolved into the inane

i think it could be saved if everyone posted pics of themselves looking aloof, and we made fun of each other

[traz]

quick, someone post a pathetically funny girl dilemma they're having!

[keikiwai]

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quick, someone post a pathetically funny girl dilemma they're having!

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this one time at band camp

[MoP_86]

Question:

Has anyone ever been in a relationship that pretty much has an expected expiration date on it?

I'm going to graduate in a year and a half and I've told my girlfriend that I'm going to travel the world for a year and then probably live in a different city.

So I've effectively said that our relationship will be over in a year, guaranteed. She said that she understands but would like to stay with me until then and I feel the same way.

Something tells me this will not work out though.

[keikiwai]

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Question:

Has anyone ever been in a relationship that pretty much has an expected expiration date on it?

I'm going to graduate in a year and a half and I've told my girlfriend that I'm going to travel the world for a year and then probably live in a different city.

So I've effectively said that our relationship will be over in a year, guaranteed. She said that she understands but would like to stay with me until then and I feel the same way.

Something tells me this will not work out though.

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it'll work out till then, and then you break up

pretty common for peeps in hs graduating and going to college, or peeps in college graduating and going elsewhere

i think the fact that change is hard and the status quo is easy will let things glide along till you move... at least that's how it usually happens...... then you say, "if we last through this we can last through anything," and you leave, and you guys don't last through it and onward ho!