Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[Henry17]

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The point wasn't that hot women can't be soul mates it was really about not limiting yourself to only people you consider to be (or others consider to be) a 10. There is no reason you can't date attractive people but saying someone is a certain # on some stupid hotness scale and using this as a method of picking the women you date is not the best way to go about finding either a GF or "soul mate" or just a person to have fun with. There are so many other considerations other than typifiying women by stupid #'s.

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I do not like the use of the number system but it does save on typing and work as a shorthand for the most physically attractive girls. That plus some other poster had already introduced a duel grading system with numbers for body and face so I was just continuing his nomenclature.

If we assume that all qualities of women are independent variables (which I believe they are). Then it make perfect sense to exclude everyone but the most attractive from consideration. Getting to know if someone is intelligent takes at least a few conversations. Finding out if they are attractive takes one second. Consider it a form of triage.

Since at time zero you know nothing about her and assuming all other qualities are independent of physical attractiveness then you are no worse off excluding all girls who are not hot enough. It in no way lowers your probability of finding this great match.

[Go_Blue88]

does "taking a break" in a long term relationship actually work? anyone have experiences with it? also, any experiences with bringing it up to your significant other out of nowhere would be appreciated. k great

[ArturiusX]

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does "taking a break" in a long term relationship actually work? anyone have experiences with it? also, any experiences with bringing it up to your significant other out of nowhere would be appreciated. k great

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If you want to take a break, you want to take a permanent break, but you'd like to hedge your bets as well, just in case. Breaks don't work in a young relationship.

[Henry17]

Taking a break is code for I'm not happy but I'm not miserable either. I want to see what else is out there and if I don't find anything better then I'll come back.

[AbreuTime]

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At the risk of being blunt, this is poor logic and bad advice. You are suggesting that there are never instances when a girl wants you to have her number but doesn't think to offer it or simply doesn't seize the opportunity. While you are passively crossing your fingers and hoping for girls to make advances I am filling my phone with real numbers of real girls who want to go on real dates. If you are in the business of making generalizations, you would be better off assuming that the male is expected to be dominant.

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A hot girl (body:10 face:10 to borrow the previous poster's nomenclature) gets asked for her number weekly. Another guy asking is not going to be anything new for her. I on the other hand just don't care. That is different. If she is interested she'll give me her number or show up an event I mentioned. I might give her my number or tell her there is an after-party when the bar closes but I'll never ask her for her contact info. It works for me. I have an amazing GF now. In the past I've dated a b-level actress, the weather girl, NHL player's GF, maxim model and, with the exception of some quasi-famous DJ friends, I have the highest body count of anyone I know. Why chase when you can be chased? Most guys screw up by trying too hard.

Mind you this only works if you are in a city where going out is limited to a reasonable number of establishments. You also need to be very confident otherwise not caring will seem like no follow though. You also can only ever date 10s. Otherwise you ruin all the ground work you set up.

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You sure have dated a lot of hot girls... have they worked out? Congrats on the high body count.

The issue that I took with your strategy of never asking for a girl's number is a problem of selection bias. You only get the numbers of aggressive girls, along with any other characteristics you can surmise from a population of women that ask guys for numbers (on average: more confident, more desperate perhaps, less shy, less "traditional" about male roles, etc). Yes, that will lead to dates. Yes that will lead to sex. But you will be harder pressed to find someone with whom you want to enter a committed relationship than if you had asked for the numbers of girls you were interested in. You're narrowing the pool (in a direction that leads to exciting, short-term encounters) by never asking for a girl's contact info, even if you made a connection and have an interest. I'm not saying you can't find a soulmate from this population of aggressive girls, but the population will exclude girls who do not ask for your number (of which there will be many wonderful women who may make you happy).

My comment about soulmate in my earlier post perhaps should not have used that loaded word, which suggests that there is exactly one person in the world for you. I merely was asserting that a person that follows your advice will be more likely to be single at 40/50/60/70 due to the narrowed pool of prospective dates, who may have less long-term potential. You never know if that girl that didnt take your hint about following you to the club would have been right for you.

Summary: Ask for a girl's number of you are interested. Don't play (too many) games if you dont want a girl playing games with you.

[Go_Blue88]

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Taking a break is code for I'm not happy but I'm not miserable either. I want to see what else is out there and if I don't find anything better then I'll come back.

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ya i'd like to avoid using her as a safety net, but i also don't want to make a rash decision. i'd say i'm happy with the relationship, just not excited--i guess content...

[AbreuTime]

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Taking a break is code for I'm not happy but I'm not miserable either. I want to see what else is out there and if I don't find anything better then I'll come back.

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ya i'd like to avoid using her as a safety net, but i also don't want to make a rash decision. i'd say i'm happy with the relationship, just not excited--i guess content...

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Joking advice: You could always go on vacation with her. Things will either spice back up or a break will be easier to initiate.

[Henry17]

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ya i'd like to avoid using her as a safety net, but i also don't want to make a rash decision. i'd say i'm happy with the relationship, just not excited--i guess content...

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You let the relationship move too fast. Maybe someone else can tell you how to rewind it but I personally don't think that is possible.

Regardless of how wonderful everything is at first take it slow. I don't even believe in exclusivity until at least 3-6 months.

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I merely was asserting that a person that follows your advice will be more likely to be single at 40/50/60/70 due to the narrowed pool of prospective dates,

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I'm not sure if I agree the pool of prospective dates narrows. I don't believe in dating my own age. My current GF is 9 years younger. The previous one was 11 years younger. My neighbour is in his mid 40s (might even be late 40s) and his Gf is 24-28.

With respect to serious relationship I don't believe any amount of physical attractiveness can compensate for other qualities that might be missing. That being said no matter how wonderful someone is that can't compensate for a lower physical attractiveness. I believe you need both. If she is hot but nothing else then she is a casual GF. If she is wonderful but just not that hot then she is a new friend. If you settle then you'll always think if I had just waited a few more months / years I might have met the complete package.

[shakermaker3]

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Henry,

"You know nothing about this girl so why so fixated on her?"

The less you know about a girl, the easier it is to create an imagine in your head of how perfect she is and what a perfect match she would be for you. It's sort of pointless and pretty much never true or productive. Wish I had learned that many years ago!

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I am aware that is from way back in the thread, but what a great piece of advice El Diablo.

[JanelleBB7]

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Since at time zero you know nothing about her and assuming all other qualities are independent of physical attractiveness then you are no worse off excluding all girls who are not hot enough. It in no way lowers your probability of finding this great match.

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Point taken. True.