Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[JaBlue]

Emo, just make new friends. You should learn how to do this anyway.

[steve_blaze]

I need some advice. I've been talking on and off to this girl for a few months now, but i've never called her, we just kinda bump into each other most weekends. we hook up every now and again, havent gotten too far. i saw her this weekend and she told me i was "confusing" because i never call her even though sometimes when we're out i tell her i will. this was disappointing because i was hoping this weeknd to make date plans for midweek. i wanna give her a call this week and make plans but i feel like it'll be an awkward call because i think that she'll feel that im only calling because of what she said and ill feel like a loser because i didnt take the initiative in the first place. i need a good way to make light of the fact that ive never called until she siad she was tired of me not calling. i want to get the awkwardness out of the way and move on from there. any suggestions of a good way to do that? i feel like telling her the truth: im much more shy when im not drinking and i hate making phone calls and prefer conversations in the flesh is kind of a dumb way to address the situation. any thoughts?

[SlowHabit]

[ QUOTE ]
I need some advice. I've been talking on and off to this girl for a few months now, but i've never called her, we just kinda bump into each other most weekends. we hook up every now and again, havent gotten too far. i saw her this weekend and she told me i was "confusing" because i never call her even though sometimes when we're out i tell her i will. this was disappointing because i was hoping this weeknd to make date plans for midweek. i wanna give her a call this week and make plans but i feel like it'll be an awkward call because i think that she'll feel that im only calling because of what she said and ill feel like a loser because i didnt take the initiative in the first place. i need a good way to make light of the fact that ive never called until she siad she was tired of me not calling. i want to get the awkwardness out of the way and move on from there. any suggestions of a good way to do that? i feel like telling her the truth: im much more shy when im not drinking and i hate making phone calls and prefer conversations in the flesh is kind of a dumb way to address the situation. any thoughts?

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Too much thinking. Just call her and go from there.

FWIW, your situation isn't so bad. A girl is asking you why you haven't call yet. This either means she wants your nuts now. Or she didn't want it before but now that you don't seem like the needy type, maybe she wants your nuts now. You'll never know until you call.

Another thing. Women are very forgiving if they like you. I used to feel insecure about different things I used to do before I date my current gf and would be afraid she would think of me differently if she finds out. But she didn't care. I think it's because women don't care too much with what you did before you date them [this obviously doesn't count if you rape/molest/murder etc someone]. To them, your life starts the moment you date them and whatever you did before that is whatever.

I forgot to mention. They're forgiving but that doesn't mean they forget. And they never forget shiet you're supposed to do. Or at least things they think you're supposed to do.

[Zarathustra]

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I might give her my number or tell her there is an after-party when the bar closes but I'll never ask her for her contact info.

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Even if your method has had success anecdotally in the vapid club culture of New York City it proves nothing about its relative worth to other approaches or its usefulness to regular people who lead normal lives. The average tool who approaches a girl and reveals his desperation and desire prior to any rapport is going to get the rejection hot-line or plainly ignored. If you develop positive affect with good conversation she will give you her real number when you ask for it and from that point forth you have control of how the situation develops. This method will be more successful everywhere, from bars to grocery stores.

In your scheme, even if the conversation goes extraordinarily well you gain little control and weed out all of the girls who decide to not show up to a lame club/event xyz. If you do as you suggest and only give out your info, you will find yourself only being contacted by the more desperate and aggressive of the bunch and alas you have squandered any potential means of pursuing the more passive and highest value ones. The “ten out of ten” girl will seldom call you for the same reason she won’t make the approach in a bar...she doesn’t feel she has to.

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Why chase when you can be chased? Most guys screw up by trying too hard

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You seem thoroughly confused. Aggression and confidence from an attractive man is not going to be perceived as trying too hard or even as chasing for that matter. Why just “let the chips fall where they may” by hoping girls will chase you after you woo them when you can actively take control and pursue exactly what you desire.

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You also can only ever date 10s. Otherwise you ruin all the ground work you set up.

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Please explain this, because it is hilariously absurd.

[Henry17]

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You also can only ever date 10s. Otherwise you ruin all the ground work you set up.

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Please explain this, because it is hilariously absurd.

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It would have been easier to explain if you had given more information on why you find it hilariously absurd.

The first sentence makes perfect sense. Why date a 9 when you can date a 10. So I assume the part you don't understand is the second sentence.

Most guys when they go out try to pick up the hottest girls. As time progresses they lower their standards to the point that by last call they are willing to take home someone that wouldn't have gotten a second look at the beginning of the night. That is an act of desperation and shouldn't be done.

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In your scheme, even if the conversation goes extraordinarily well you gain little control and weed out all of the girls who decide to not show up to a lame club/event xyz. If you do as you suggest and only give out your info, you will find yourself only being contacted by the more desperate and aggressive of the bunch and alas you have squandered any potential means of pursuing the more passive and highest value ones.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would passive = higher value. Passive girls are boring in bed. With respect to control while you are right that I do give up control over if they contact me or not. It does not matter. I've had a conversation with her. I'm not in love with her. I don't even know her. If she contacts me great if not then one of the others will. My approach does not work if you are fixated on one specific girl.

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The “ten out of ten” girl will seldom call you for the same reason she won’t make the approach in a bar...she doesn’t feel she has to.

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You greatly under estimate how insecure a hot girl can be.

[Henry17]

Steve

Just call her. You don't need to deal with anything.

I happen to hate the phone too but all you need is to ask her out. Currently you run into each other which means you meet up in a club / bar setting where there are other people. Once you make plans that are one on one and clearly a date then your issue is resolved.

You said you were shy when not drinking so have a drink. As long as you are not slurring your words she'll have no idea.

[ArturiusX]

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The “ten out of ten” girl will seldom call you for the same reason she won’t make the approach in a bar...she doesn’t feel she has to.

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You greatly under estimate how insecure a hot girl can be.

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This statement doesn't work with his statement no matter how many ways I slice it.

[Henry17]

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The “ten out of ten” girl will seldom call you for the same reason she won’t make the approach in a bar...she doesn’t feel she has to.

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You greatly under estimate how insecure a hot girl can be.

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This statement doesn't work with his statement no matter how many ways I slice it.

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Maybe I should have used competitive instead of insecure. It is actually something between the two. They know they are hot compared to normal girls but they want to reassure themselves that they are hot relative to other hot girls.

I use to be a regular at one bar. Five of the waitresses were attractive but one was married so that leaves four. I went out for drinks with one of them. Next time I was in one of the other girls gave me her number and the other just asked me out for drinks. Girls are competitive. Even if they are not that interested they will become more interested if they feel like they are going to lose to a different girl. I've seen it with guys chasing the same girl as well. It is all ego.

[jeffnc]

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[ QUOTE ]
I need some advice. I've been talking on and off to this girl for a few months now, but i've never called her, we just kinda bump into each other most weekends. we hook up every now and again, havent gotten too far. i saw her this weekend and she told me i was "confusing" because i never call her even though sometimes when we're out i tell her i will. this was disappointing because i was hoping this weeknd to make date plans for midweek. i wanna give her a call this week and make plans but i feel like it'll be an awkward call because i think that she'll feel that im only calling because of what she said and ill feel like a loser because i didnt take the initiative in the first place. i need a good way to make light of the fact that ive never called until she siad she was tired of me not calling. i want to get the awkwardness out of the way and move on from there. any suggestions of a good way to do that? i feel like telling her the truth: im much more shy when im not drinking and i hate making phone calls and prefer conversations in the flesh is kind of a dumb way to address the situation. any thoughts?

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Too much thinking. Just call her and go from there.

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Really man, just do it. She told you she wants you to call her. Are you into playing head games? Just call.

[JanelleBB7]

[ QUOTE ]
I need some advice. I've been talking on and off to this girl for a few months now, but i've never called her, we just kinda bump into each other most weekends. we hook up every now and again, havent gotten too far. i saw her this weekend and she told me i was "confusing" because i never call her even though sometimes when we're out i tell her i will. this was disappointing because i was hoping this weeknd to make date plans for midweek. i wanna give her a call this week and make plans but i feel like it'll be an awkward call because i think that she'll feel that im only calling because of what she said and ill feel like a loser because i didnt take the initiative in the first place. i need a good way to make light of the fact that ive never called until she siad she was tired of me not calling. i want to get the awkwardness out of the way and move on from there. any suggestions of a good way to do that? i feel like telling her the truth: im much more shy when im not drinking and i hate making phone calls and prefer conversations in the flesh is kind of a dumb way to address the situation. any thoughts?

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I agree with the other guys. If she said call her then call her and if you are worried about akwardness, plan what you will say before you make the call.

If you don't call her again this week, you might as well forget it because she will think you do not take her seriously.