jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[Matt Williams]

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DId you do the voice?

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Of course.

[solids]

First day of class back in sophomore year of college. The teacher asked the class to say their names and something interesting about themselves as an icebreaker-type thing. So the class starts to do this, and I get a text message from a friend. I reply, and then it's my turn to say something about myself. I typically keep these things pretty conservative, but this seemed like a fun class, so I decided to spice things up a bit with a corny joke.

I say, "Hey my name is (solids), I'm a sophomore, I play lacrosse, and I enjoy sunsets and long walks on the beach."

The rest of the class gives me a lot of weird looks, and then the teacher says, "Wow. I think it was much funnier the second time." To this, the class bursts out laughing. It turns out some kid made the exact same joke a minute before I made mine. I felt like a huge jackass.

[traz]

Repeating it a second time right after is way funnier than being the first one to say it

[btmagnetw]

solids, that would make me feel incredibly stupid as well

[T-God]

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Repeating it a second time right after is way funnier than being the first one to say it

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"So you got something to look at when you're talking to them!"

For that class intro thing I once did "My name is Tom and I have a gambling problem"

Laughs from about 1/3 of the class. Good enough for me!

[Assani Fisher]

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i was in 9th grade spanish class. The teacher wanted to play telephone. She started up somthing like lavar el carro or something simple like that. I switched it to yo doy muy bien cabeza. It finally works its way back to the teacher she repeats it aloud then translates it. I give very good head. She had no clue what it meant and apparently me and my friend were the only ones who did. We got a good laugh out of it but that was about it.

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How on earth could an adult not know what it meant?

106,144 and counting

[pokerbobo]

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This story happened in HS about 12 years ago when Mortal Kombat first came out. Our health teacher told us some woman from social services was coming in the next day and she expected us to be on our best behavior. The next day, this woman comes in and shows us a video on physical abuse. The video shows some guy coming home to his wife and 2 kids; he starts an argument w/ the wife. Evenually he starts hitting her in front of the kids and she falls on the ground and he starts kicking her in the head. It was actually pretty graphic, which surprised me. Anyway, just as he's about to stomp on her head, the social woman pauses the video to talk about it; I say, "Finish Her!". About 1/2 the class gasps in shock, the other half are trying not to laugh. My teacher got pissed and sent me to the principal's office.

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omfg roflol

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[ICallHimGamblor]

I am at a big work meeting with about twenty people. My boss is talking about our performance review process and how he has to take all our answers to survey questions and give different catagories different weights and that it took forever for him. I said, "So it's true? The weighting is the hardest part?"

Complete silence. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[ImsaKidd]

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This story happened in HS about 12 years ago when Mortal Kombat first came out. Our health teacher told us some woman from social services was coming in the next day and she expected us to be on our best behavior. The next day, this woman comes in and shows us a video on physical abuse. The video shows some guy coming home to his wife and 2 kids; he starts an argument w/ the wife. Evenually he starts hitting her in front of the kids and she falls on the ground and he starts kicking her in the head. It was actually pretty graphic, which surprised me. Anyway, just as he's about to stomp on her head, the social woman pauses the video to talk about it; I say, "Finish Her!". About 1/2 the class gasps in shock, the other half are trying not to laugh. My teacher got pissed and sent me to the principal's office.

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Brilliant.

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Wins thread.

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I almost cried from laughing so hard.

[BPA234]

Just recently, my long term gf had to undergo some serious "female issue" surgery. Her surgery was fairly aggro, emotionally heavy and required her to stay overnight.

For those who don't know, nurses are there to provide care to the patient, not to take care of the patient. The full-time care giving usually falls on the family.

For us, that meant me. Her first night was very rough and after a long night of her throwing up, etc. etc. I was kinda spent. Worse yet, the tv remote was MIA, which meant I had to actually get up off my ass to change the channel and adjust the volume.

Around 8AM, in walks the nurse, her surgeon to do his follow-up and a couple of interns. Just as the surgeon starts in with his very serious talk, in an oh so somber voice, my gf asks me to turn the volume down on the tv.

Slightly exasperated, I get up, look at her, and deadpan, "well I guess they didn't take out any of your annoying parts."