OT: Holy [censored], I'm Getting Married!

[SammySlim]

Lots of good advice in here. I am on my second marriage (three years in), this time to the right girl, after 14 long years with the wrong one. I've come to learn some lessons the hard way, believe me. But of course, all this advice is worth exactly what you're paying for it ... [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

1. Be honest. Nothing poisons a relationship more than lying. Even if she won't like what you're saying (like "I was out with my buds drinking"), it's better than lying about it (e.g., "I had to work late") - then she will have trouble believing you on the important stuff. And strange and weird things will happen to you in life - so when you explain them, it sure helps if she believes you are honest.

2. Stay faithful. Obvious, maybe, but a huge percentage of married men (and women) can't do it. Just say no to temptation, and if you can figure out what you need and get it at home, you are waaaay better off. Here's where good communication skills and trust really come in handy. Just don't do it.

3. Be gentle with each other. You are each going to have good days and bad days (she'll probably have some bad days about once a month...). Just be gentle and accepting, even when she's unreasonable. Because you'll really appreciate it when you're being unreasonable.

4. Laugh at yourselves. As someone said, you're bound to start fighting over stupid stuff. Remember, it's funny when you see Ben Stiller do it on screen - so try to take a breath and see the humor in the conflict and you'll both enjoy a good laugh (not to mention getting to the makeup sex faster!). Married life is full of humor if we only look for it - and a good sense of humor is essential to a successful marriage.

5. Count your blessings - remember that every cup is at least partly full and partly empty. It can sure be tempting to look at the empty parts and not to see how fortunate you are to have the full part. Every day, remind yourself of something great about your wife. And the empty bits will seem a lot smaller. We're all imperfect - you included. If you see your cup as mostly full, she'll do the same.

6. Long term love is a choice as much (or more) than an emotion. Our lives are an accumulation of our choices (much like a poker tournament), and so each day make a conscious choice to love your wife. Doing that is not only respectful, it essentially eliminates the risk of anyone being taken for granted - and at the core, that's what leads to most marital problems.

Have a great wedding and mazel tov!

Cheers