Let's talk about depression/attempted suicide

[spacebetween]

I did depression at 17 (19 now) and had it for a year. Before that I was a very unhappy teenager. I would sleep all the time and cry and write and do emo stuff. I did not dress emo and I always hated them just like every one else lol. But anyway, READ THIS IF YOU DO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION:

The pills did work for me the first and only month I was at the hospital. It was a breakthrough. I had forgotten that you can enjoy stuff. Hobbies, eating, friends and all of this.

As soon as I got out of the hospital, everything changed. I was faced with very difficult situation like the fact that I was in love with my best friend that obv didnt love me. I cried and tried to kill myself. I was out of the hospital in 1 week.

Then life started to get better, BUT NOT BY ITSELF. It was hard. At first everything was fake. I was faking it. Fake it till you make it.

First of all, I got rid of all things I did not like in life. I didnt like living with parents so I moved out. I didnt like my teeth so I went to the doctor and they fix it. I really looked wierd cause I was skinny with no muscle at all cause I didnt eat during my depression, so I read on working out and nutrition and now I work out a lot and eat 7 meals a day trying to reduce my BF/gain muscle. I loved writing and listenning to music when I was sick. Well I got rid of that. Even though I liked it, it made it worse cause all that writing made me think and all that music to!! THINK!!!! this is bad. Stupid people are happy, cause they do not think. I didnt like how introverted I was and how socially awkward I was. I made a constant effort not to think and to concentrate on the moment. I made a constant effort not to think and to concentrate on the moment. I got out of my head. It was hard but back then I as 90% in my head and never with my friends/hobbies. Whereas now, I concentrate on what I'm doing and its a lot more enjoyable.

How I did that?? I took improv lessons and it helped me open up and say the stupid stuff on my mind and not to care. Now I can have conversation with ppl without being self concious. Every conversation you have make your social skills better. I'm getting better at making friends and interacting with girls everyday. I can even say that I am not socially awkward anymore.

I travelled and will travel more. I am from Quebec. I speak french. I went to Toronto to visit a friend for 3 months this summer. I met so many ppl and became fluent in english. We would hit the clubs a couple times a week and try to meet new ppl. I am going to thailand in 2 weeks to see a friend I met through a friend in toronto. I don't like winters so hopefully I can skip it lol!! It is gonna be awesome. Trips make you a better, different person!! They change the way you look at life. It makes you interesting AND interested.

Poker and Hobbies : Poker really changed my life, as you might have guessed, I'm a pro poker player. I never played higher than nl 400 and I doubt I make more than 50 bucks an hour. I never moved up cause I dont play enough but this is something that I love and am dedicated about. I play/study everyday. I play drum. I love movies!! I do rollerblades and I'm always looking to try new stuff.

I want to get back on fake it till you make it. You must repress you depression. NEVER think about it or negative stuff. Never think you are weird or something. Always act and think confident. I listenned to self improvement stuff a year ago and it helped me with my confidence. Stuff like David Deangelo and Badboy LifeStyle. You can get them on bitorrent. You must fake that you are happy even when things go wrong. Fake that you enjoy doing stuff. Fake that you enjoy company of your friend. And it will come back I PROMISE!! It did it for me and It is logical.

Okay its been a year since I started being truly happy. And yes everyonce in a while It comes back a little. I even cried the other day and totally freaked out. Thought I was gonna be depressed again. Well I went to sleep and the next morning everything was alright. Now I never think negative and when I do, I kick myself!!!

Have dreams!! ambitions!! you can never make it in life without them!! What ever it may be, can be anything!!!

This is very hard, but noone can help you but yourself. Therapy is crap. Pills are crap. Its all in your head. I had major depression. I would cry all day, not eat anything and tried to kill myself. Yet it only lasted a year cause I worked hard to make it work. It was damn hard. Yet very enjoyable.

GL all, you can ask me question or stuff but tbh, no one an help you but yourself.

EDIT: forgot to add something. There is ALWAYS a solution to every problem. When you are depressed it's hard to see it. Something something makes me unhappy and instead of giving up, I am looking for a solution. Can take a while to find, but there is always one. Sometimes I ask smart ppl for help, but most often then not they do not care and do not know. But there is.

[Jazzy3113]

I just wrote a long reply in the Lurker thread, before I stumbled across this one....I dont feel like writing another long reply but here are my quick views on what you should do that I posted in Lurker's thread.

I too am chossing not to take medication, but for different reasons. I also do not like speaking with therapists. The best treatment for me is excercise, writing, and setting up minor "goals". I try to swim every other morning, when I am bored instead of sitting around and allowing myself to get depressed I work on a screenplay, etc.

I think excercise could be a great alterntative to meds.

[hobbes9324]

Good luck - depression is tough to treat, and I can't imagine how tough it must be to go through.

Your decision not to take meds is of course yours, but something I've struggled with (as an MD) is the reluctance by some patients to take them.

From a simplistic point of view, if I see someone with a cadiac rhythm problem, I'd hope they would take their anti-arrythmic (amiodarone, or whatever) - it's something they need to make their heart beat properly - it's not like it's a sign of weakness, or that they are somehow a lesser person for taking the medication. Likewise, a diabetic should take insulin.

Barring side effects of course, and I know that some of the meds used to treat depression have them in spades. Anyway, good luck, and I'd be interested in your response.

Best wishes, and good luck.

MM MD

[mbillie1]

Effexor seems to be working for me so far.

[spacebetween]

[ QUOTE ]
Effexor seems to be working for me so far.

[/ QUOTE ]That is what I took for a couple of months. At first it was really awesome, then it didnt do any difference so I just stopped.

[DwightSchrute]

[ QUOTE ]
Good luck - depression is tough to treat, and I can't imagine how tough it must be to go through.

Your decision not to take meds is of course yours, but something I've struggled with (as an MD) is the reluctance by some patients to take them.

From a simplistic point of view, if I see someone with a cadiac rhythm problem, I'd hope they would take their anti-arrythmic (amiodarone, or whatever) - it's something they need to make their heart beat properly - it's not like it's a sign of weakness, or that they are somehow a lesser person for taking the medication. Likewise, a diabetic should take insulin.

Barring side effects of course, and I know that some of the meds used to treat depression have them in spades. Anyway, good luck, and I'd be interested in your response.

Best wishes, and good luck.

MM MD

[/ QUOTE ]

I was reluctant to take meds for a few reasons. I think I already toutched on it but to add some more one problem is waiting to be able to see a psychiatrist.

Another problem I have is I am the king of addictions - good and bad. Like I might eat perfectly for 6 months.

An example was a minor surgery I had I was given 120 hydrocodone or something like that(a scrip with one refil). One didn't do much but 2 would give me a good buzz as long as I was on an empty stomach. So each morning I would skip any kind of breakfast just because I LOVED the feeling. It was a semi euphoric everything was cool feeling.

Next thing I knew the 120 pills were gone. I could have easily got more but knew that would cause trouble.

The sleeping pills this Dr gave me work wonders for getting me to sleep and he said they aren't addicting.

The Xanax is like nothing no euphoria NUTHIN.But I did remember taking them initially hoping it would get me a good buzz. See that's how people like me justify stuff.

My dad was a raging alky for decades. He quit for 10 years when I was a kid but started again and was pretty effed up. Then he quit and he's all proud of himself but takes about every kind of pain med to include methodone. (Maybe web 2+2dr could comment on why he would get that. I thought that was for heroin addicts) I mean I was at my dadds the other day and he asked what was wrong I told him I had a headache. He gave me a pill and said "take this" Turns out it was methadoneand I passed.

I'd really love to hear more about Abilify and how that is supposed to work in 5mg doses.

So the not wanting to take meds has a lot to do with me not wanting to take one and then the next thing I'm my dad.... ya know?

Fact - Pain pills seem better than beets [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[schondler]

(<-schundler, citanul temp-banned me) Only skimmed the thread.

I wish I could seamlessly slip into death. I'm going to bed in a few minutes and hopefully I won't wake up.