Problem with husband of friend - need advice please

[BretWeir]

Talk the the police. He might get questioned, but given the facts and the relatively skimpy hard evidence, there's almost no chance this guy is actually going to jail, and a 99% chance that no charges will be filed. But that's not the point; by at least making a complaint you:

1. Let the police know about the threat he made, which will make it much less likey that he'll follow up on it,

2. Put a scare into this douchebag that will hopefully make him have serious second thoughts about trying this kind of nonsense again. The cops are much more likely to get involved if they get another complaint against him, from his wife or somebody else, and it looks like a pattern of bad conduct.

It sucks that you have to be the person to get involved here, but it also sounds like this isn't going to be a very rewarding friendship in the future no matter what happens.

[skunkworks]

If I had a judgment call to make, was in a state of panic and couldn't think clearly, and had no one to appeal to for wisdom and guidance, I would possibly entertain the thought of asking OOT.

I would also probably post pix.

[MicroBob]

Are there any potential reprecussions from filing a police-report? I really don't know.
But she would be filing a report based on almost no evidence except perhaps the remnants of her bruise.

Could he file some sort of counter-claim or something against her if he got really upset about a police-report?

Also, isn't there the possibility that something like this just pushes this lunatic over-the-edge and has him coming over to her house in a drunken stupor late at night and banging on her door wanting 'revenge' or something really dangerous?
Whereas isn't there a possibility that if she quietly just leaves them alone he'll be mostly a coward and won't exactly come charging after her?


Just thinking out loud here. Lot of people seem to think police-involvement is a good idea right now. I'm not so certain it is.

Do agree with buying a tape-recording device for your phone though. Pretty cheap at radio-shack usually.

The concern over whether you need both party's consent or just one isn't really that big a deal imo. It's not like he's going to know the law so well that he's going to come after her about it. That stuff is usually more critical if the recording is being used in a broadcast.
In this situation she would just tape a future conversation of theirs and then play it for the wife to prove she isn't lying.
His first inclination is not going to be to file charges that he was recorded without his consent.
However, his first inclination MIGHT be to either slap around the wife OR to come after the OP somehow so I would still be careful with that obviously.

[BretWeir]

People file police reports every day for things much more minor/unsubstantiated than this. The worst that can happen (and probably will happen) officially is that they won't file charges. But the complaint's on record at least.

Of course, if the guy's a stone-cold psycho and you're afraid this might push him over the edge, that's something to consider. But if he's that messed up, there's a decent chance he'll do something rash anyway. And if that happens, you're better off having something on file with the cops already, which will make you more believable and get a more vigorous response if the threats continue or the other shoe drops.

Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you need to cut your losses with these friends. Trying to convince the wife that you're right and he's wrong is just going to create more trouble and stir things up. If this was your best friend, maybe it would be worth it. But for a neighbor/acquiantance? Probably not.

[kemystery]

[ QUOTE ]
wait is op a woman? wow i thought op was a man the whole time. ok, [censored] (well dont [censored], but yknow what i mena) this husband. go to the police and if you have other friends tell them. this guy is about the lowest of the low.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
1st line of OP:
I am a single middle aged divorced woman


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I lol'ed

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What about this seems unbelievable? Maybe my gullible-o-tron-o-meter is broken.

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OP says:

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As far as making something like this up, its way to [sic] serious of an issue to create a story about.

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But posting on OOT and apparently seeking no other counsel whatsoever perfectly befits its seriousness? Honestly, somebody gets assaulted and threatened by a psycho and literally their only initial action is to post it here? What?

Anything is possible, I guess.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah, but this is also the place where people seek urgent medical advice instead of going to the ER or their doctor. *shrug*

fwiw, I completely believe the OP

[raju]

of course it is totally possible that he has done this before and a complaint was made to the police. Maybe, like in your case, there was little/no evidence and no charges were brought.

But


If you now report this incident and it turns out there is a similar complaint againt him on record things could start to happen.

The wife could start to believe you instead of him, the police could get a case together against him on the basis of two seperate reports rather than one and this horrible mess could end happily.

You should go to the police now, before your bruise heals

good luck

[Taso]

[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one who doesn't believe a word of this?

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I remember when OP first joined 2+2, all of her posts give indication that this is true (divorced, living alone, etc). So, either this is one of the best gimmick accounts of all time...

In any case, I consider it impossible that OP is messing with us, really.

[suzzer99]

DMC, was the husband smoking? How about wearing any cologne?

I believe you are who you say you are. And you seem like a sincere person. I'd really like to think we aren't all getting played here.

[somethingstupid]

[ QUOTE ]
Then, it occurred to me that you guys give pretty good advice.

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LOL

EDIT: Wow, I just read the thread and I can't believe how many of you actually did give good advice.