Infidelity

[slim]

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Slim, I'm confused- where are you going, with all of this "affairs are an addiction/let's learn about affairs" information?

Are you trying to educate those of us less informed? Are you exploring/agonizing over why it happened? Is this part of a process where you try to fix your relationship for real and save it? Are you grasping at some reason to justify/excuse her behavior?

It seems to me that you're really starting to get lost in all of this. It doesn't seem like a healthy path

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My point in pointing out the addiction issue is to raise awareness and create discussion on infidelity bc unless you have actually gone through it and have done some research on it, most people will have this misguided belief that affairs are about sex and that "bad" or "immoral" people have affairs. Because of the shear number of people involved in affairs and the number of families ripped apart by affairs, I think it deserves more attention than gambling,alcohol and drugs.

As for me grasping or making excuses for my wife's behaviour, I don't believe I am doing that. I think she is weak and selfish for falling into the infidelity trap. I am not making excuses for her. I think that if people understand that it is an addiction issue, they will be better able to handle it if it happens to them.

[membersclub]

OP, I get the impression that you are rationalizing, almost defending, your wife's adultery. As though infidelity were some kind of indiscriminate affliction which was unfortunately contracted by your vulnerable wife who had no control over the events that transpired. What a load of BS. Infidelity is a conscious choice.

[slim]

[ QUOTE ]
OP, I get the impression that you are rationalizing, almost defending, your wife's adultery. As though infidelity were some kind of indiscriminate affliction which was unfortunately contracted by your vulnerable wife who had no control over the events that transpired. What a load of BS. Infidelity is a conscious choice.

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100% agree it is a conscious choice. But the illusion of thinking that her feelings with her boss and her own rationalizations for having the affair are from a chemically altered brain. Kind of like how someone who is addicted to slot machines truly believe that they will win all their money back on their next spin. These same people who are not addicted to slots knows it's a losing proposition but once addicted, they believe they can win.

[KotOD]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
OP, I get the impression that you are rationalizing, almost defending, your wife's adultery. As though infidelity were some kind of indiscriminate affliction which was unfortunately contracted by your vulnerable wife who had no control over the events that transpired. What a load of BS. Infidelity is a conscious choice.

[/ QUOTE ]

100% agree it is a conscious choice. But the illusion of thinking that her feelings with her boss and her own rationalizations for having the affair are from a chemically altered brain. Kind of like how someone who is addicted to slot machines truly believe that they will win all their money back on their next spin. These same people who are not addicted to slots knows it's a losing proposition but once addicted, they believe they can win.

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Wow.

/thread please

[sawseech]

emotional infidelity and infidelity actual are separate.

it seems as if you're trying to connect some variant of nymphomania (compulsive behavior) to an act (or acts) of infidelity.

not everyone becomes addicted to slots, just as not everyone becomes addicted to heroin or speeding or sex.

is she a nympho, or does she simply not love you anymore? if she didn't love you when she performed infidelity actual, how is that an act of emotional infidelity?

it's easy to simply regard women who hurt us as whores and to explain away their behavior as a result of them being whores.

[niss]

Tweety,

Are you married? If you are, my personal experience causes me to be surprised by your view and apparent lack of understanding of the relationship between spouses, how this relationship can change over time and circumstance, and how such changes could lead one to infidelity.

If you're not, then you don't know what the [censored] you're talking about.

[RunDownHouse]

slim,

Heroin is addictive. Tobacco is addictive. Extra-marital sex is not in the sense that most of us have been having sex for years and still can go without extra-marital sex. Ride horse for years and then try to go a week without. I'm not sure why you're trying to absolve your wife of her actions by labeling her infidelity as something outside of her control.

Its understandable that you're really [censored] up right now. I think if you go back and read all of these posts in a year you'll just shake your head.

[slim]

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slim,

Heroin is addictive. Tobacco is addictive. Extra-marital sex is not in the sense that most of us have been having sex for years and still can go without extra-marital sex. Ride horse for years and then try to go a week without. I'm not sure why you're trying to absolve your wife of her actions by labeling her infidelity as something outside of her control.

Its understandable that you're really [censored] up right now. I think if you go back and read all of these posts in a year you'll just shake your head.

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It is not the sex that is addictive. It is the feeling of being loved and felt special by someone that is addictive. The sex doesn't hurt eaither.

Let me ask you guys this, when you are "in love" with a new girl, do you not behave in an irrational manner? You spend more money than you have to get her that special gift, you overlook flaws in her personality or physical appearance, you spend as much time as you can with her etc. A year later, do most people still do all that stuff to the same degree? Not usually....why? because the chemicals (endorphins,PEA, oxytocin) fade. I wish I was the one who came up with this stuff, but I'm not. Why am I grasping when I am merely gathering information that is out there?

[RunDownHouse]

slim,

You're using "addictive" in a really cavalier manner. Your wife never stabbed someone because she physically had to get her fix of dick. She is a [censored]. Or you're a neglectful husband. Or, more likely, somewhere in between.

It sounds like you're really trying to justify her behavior or validate yours by stretching things too far. For some reason, she needed attention from a source outside of the marriage. Everyone wants to be wanted, but to call that an addiction is pure [censored] that masks infidelity. Whether that reason is her own hangups or your shortcomings, it wasn't because of an endorphin addiction.

[B00T]

You are totally barking up the wrong tree here.

About 10% of the people here know what it's like to be married. Probably 50% never even had sex.

Go get professional help, or marriagebuliders.com or mywifecheated.com to discuss these rationalizations with others in an AA like atmosphere.