SERIOUS TOPIC: Friend dying, son wants to send wife to mental

[Relvin]

All advice and viewpoint so far appreciated. A few people however seem confused with the situation (even more then I am). I never said that I didn't think she should be in a nursing home / retirement home and at no point did I expect or want the son to take care of the wife himself once the father died. The wife would not want that as she dislikes the girlfriend very much.

I just wanted to see her in a very nice retirement community of which we know where the residents are given very good care and attention and have nice living conditions (2 bedrooms) because I know that she has the money to do that (provided she is given the half she is entitled to).

I know very little about the law, but it was my understanding that the tests they took determined she was not able to take care of herself and as a result firstly the husband has responsibilty of taking care of his wife (since she is deemed not to be able to take care of herself). Then the next step is the fact that the husband is very weak and the new news is has only 1 month to live (wife still thinks he will recover, we are not butting in and telling her the truth since for some reason the family will not tell her, guess that is not suspicious at all). So the husband gave power of attorney to his son which he trusts 100 percent to do the right thing. So in my understanding son is given control of all of the wifes assets at that point, or when the husband dies (I know there are different levels of power that can be granted and do not know the details).

Afterwards he threatens a couple of times if wife does not get her act together he will send her to a mental institue next week (of course he did not say this in front of his father the husband, but said it to my mom). They had my mom take the wife shopping while they were here so they could get legal matters taken care of behind the back. I think the wife and girlfriend have been arguing together a decent amount during the 2 day visit which may be why the son is being so harsh in some of his statements.

My dad found out about the power of attorney thing when some flowers were sent by some law office to their house. Many of the dots were connecting at that point and he asked the husband about it and I believe the father admited it was true but didn't want to talk about where the wife would go.

[Relvin]

[ QUOTE ]
a spouse cannot be written out of a will. The wife is legally entitled to 50% of her husband's assets. The son's power of attorney status has nothing to do with the wife's right of inheritance, nor does it establish legal credibility to determine her destiny. The son will find this out if he doesn't already know it.


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If this is true then I guess we have nothing to worry about, but I somehow have my doubts. Both the husband and son think they have control of her destiny due to the tests she failed (she claims to not have taken any tests, which is intersting because she has never forgotten big events like this before just short term things like what she said a few minutes ago). Maybe her condition really is getting much worse, it seems HIGHLY unlikely that there have been forged test results. We were slightly worried that they might have asked her to sign something and she is the type that will not read it and will just be trustworthy if her husband asks her to sign it and that might also be the case with the son. Too much speculation on my part but the whole situation does not connect. Anyhow, my parents and another friend of theirs is visiting them as I write this.

[TxSteve]

wow...the very definition of 'nosy neighbors'

so, your parents don't have faith in the dying man's ability to make decisions with regard to his wife and his assets?

are you implying that the dying guy is in on this conspiracy?

you haven't mentioned much about the dying man's state of mind other than to say he is 'weak'. has he been lucid?

if the womany doesn't have any family to look after her other than her step son (who doesn't like her) then that sucks...but that is life. at least the son is looking to do something other than letting her rot in her house while her bills don't get paid / groceries don't get bought / nothing gets cleaned etc.

taking care of an elderly person is an amazingly big committment (and job) and in many cases they will get better care at a facility of some kind.

don't forget also that the son is currently dealing with the imminent death of his father...while having to plan for the future of a step mother that he may or may not like...he is under significant stress and pressures to take care of the situation.

it is awfully easy for you and your parents to sit next door and judge him.

[TxSteve]

"she has never forgotten big events like this before "

her husband having a terminal illness and being given between 1 and 4 months to live is not considered a 'big event'?

['Chair]

OP,

stay out of it.

[DrewDevil]

OP,

From a legal standpoint, it sounds like the husband give his son a POA for his assets, not his wife's. Did the wife sign a POA to the son too? If not, then the son does not have control over her assets or decisions concerning her care.

If the wife did not sign a POA giving the son control over her care, then he cannot commit her to a mental hospital or a nursing home unless she agrees to it OR he goes to court and successfully has her declared mentally incompetent. Basically, he would have to provide substantial evidence that the wife was incapable of making decisions concerning her own well being. If she is basically there but occasionally forgets things, then there's no way this would succeed.

On a practical matter, I can understand your sympathies, but there's very little you can do about it, and it's very likely that everyone will get angry with you if they feel you are meddling. If the dad signed a POA to his son then he obviously trusts the son with his assets.

I think staying clear of this is probably a good idea.

[quirkasaurus]

grunch:

the husband is still alive, right?

explain everything to him. let him set his affairs and
desires in order, including appropriate provisions for
his wife. i wouldn't have any problems with you telling
the husband everything you know about the son.

hopefully, the husband will set up the wife comfortably
and leave the money to an estate that completely ignores
the selfish brat.

m2c

[ QUOTE ]
it is awfully easy for you and your parents to sit next door and judge him.


[/ QUOTE ]

my god, if my kids talk about 'sending me to the nuthouse'
where i can die away from everything familiar, i will take
charity from ANYONE who would help prevent this.

[snewland22]

[ QUOTE ]
a spouse cannot be written out of a will. The wife is legally entitled to 50% of her husband's assets. The son's power of attorney status has nothing to do with the wife's right of inheritance, nor does it establish legal credibility to determine her destiny. The son will find this out if he doesn't already know it.

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States have different laws obviously, but the above post is not true in any state that I am aware of. However, in Georgia, the wife can, even if written out of a will, apply for a "Years Support". The judge has the discretion to award her (or a husband whose wife died) enough to maintain her standard of living. This may be what the guy I quoted was referring to.

[Relvin]

[ QUOTE ]
her husband having a terminal illness and being given between 1 and 4 months to live is not considered a 'big event'?


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She knows he is sick with cancer ..... she hardly wants to leave him for a second to go anywhere, she just doesn't know how bad at is. Apparently just the son for some reason was briefed on the details of how long he has to live (maybe husband thought it would be easier on her this way???). Also, husband let my parents know how long he has to live.

[ QUOTE ]
If the wife did not sign a POA giving the son control over her care, then he cannot commit her to a mental hospital or a nursing home unless she agrees to it OR he goes to court and successfully has her declared mentally incompetent. Basically, he would have to provide substantial evidence that the wife was incapable of making decisions concerning her own well being. If she is basically there but occasionally forgets things, then there's no way this would succeed.


[/ QUOTE ]

It sound like you are confident in what you are saying and this is encouraging. He claims to have the medical test like I mentioned before but as you say that alone would not be enough.


[ QUOTE ]

wow...the very definition of 'nosy neighbors'

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I don't know if you meant this literaly, many of you think we might just cassualy know them and are stepping way out of line. They live across town. Also, they moved to a different state for a while a few years ago and we drove about 8 hours for a small vacation and to have thanksgiving dinner with them (they invited us) so my parents are quite good friends with them.

Being that we are not familiar with mental institutions and how they operate and all sorts of other important details we felt that if we do not try to act now then it might be tough to overturn the situation once it has already gone too far so I guess we were trying to take some pre-emptive action incase something bad is going on.

[garcia1000]

[ QUOTE ]
Being that we are not familiar with mental institutions and how they operate and all sorts of other important details we felt that if we do not try to act now then it might be tough to overturn the situation once it has already gone too far so I guess we were trying to take some pre-emptive action incase something bad is going on.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe invade Iraq while you're at it?