I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it

[Vivalution]

I think I have the exact opposite problem. I don't shut up around anyone. Trust me talking too much has its problems too.

[woodguy]

Do two things:

1) Read "How to win friends and influence people"

2) Join Toastmasters


I am naturally outgoing but had a couple of friends who were shy and slightly socially inept join Toastmasters in University and it really helped them.

I have always heard that reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is good too.

Regards,
Wooodguy

[Farfenugen]

I have the same problem but not nearly as bad. It sounds like social anxiety.

I can conversate with my family, close friends, and when I drink just fine but other than that I shut down socially and my mind just blanks out. I have been working on generally being happier with myself and focusing on relaxing(I have noticed I really tense up during conversation) while talking to people. Its been workig a little.

[Blarg]

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Give therapy and meds a shot

You dont gotta read the news or pick up hobbies to be more interesting, the key to socializing is just asking people questions that allow them to talk about themselves, because thats all anyones main goal is in a conversation anyway.

But do get some hobbies you enjoy tho just cuz its good for you, and its also a good way to meet people with similar interests

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oh yeah, no one actually cares what you have to say, they just want someone to listen to what THEY have to say

95% of people view a conversation as waiting for their turn to talk

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I agree with this to an extent, but people will always want to talk to you more if you have something to say. Picking up a hobby, just gives me something to talk about with other people. It helps in that way. For the same reason learning about investments helps with talking to people, it's just another facet you have. I've never been one who had a great story to tell, and developing raconteur skills are somehting that take a while to develop.

I mean I guess this has been a long term problem, but has specifically flared up this weekend, with the girl I'm seeing. For the first 36 hours we were together it was great. We talked about her law school orientation, about my quitting my job, how the LSATs were coming, but eventually it just got flat, and we couldn't talk about anything. We went out to a bar, and I just had nothing new to add, besides what was on the TV there. It's just frustrating

And FWIW, yeah, I'm pretty badly depressed, had to leave college 2x for suicide attempts, and am heavily doped up on lithium and prozac.

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When you're in those uncomfortable silences, a whole lot of the time the other person is as uncomfortable as you and wondering if you think they are the boring one for having nothing to say. Since pretty often they're dying for you to say something, what you say doesn't have to be that great. It's just a relief that it breaks the tension so much. So don't sweat it too much if it's only trivial junk you're occasionally punctuating the silence with.

Maybe you should get with some traditional-type Asian chick. Lots of them are pretty quiet and are used to it and like it. They can be way more comfortable with silence than white people can.

[The Yugoslavian]

You have to tackle this both internally and externally, [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img].

Most people are focusing on external things for you to do. That's great but much of the advice is somewhat simplistic (go out more...have an interest). This is all awesome advice. It's good to have a life and you can incorporate people into it once you have one. To do this you really have to GET THE [censored] UP AND GET OUT NOWNOWNOW GOGOGO. It's really simple in theory but only you can get it done in practice.

Equally as important (or IMO more, lol) is taking a hard look at yourself. Not necessarily to be critical, although it's very useful to be able to somewhat accurately evaluate yourself in some ways. I just mean to find out who you are and what it is you want to be *experiencing* with your life....

One great thing to start with is The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida. I read (well, ok listened to) it recently and I can already tell it's going to seriously affect the way I view the world and what I motivate myself towards. This is despite the fact that I feel I've read a lot of similar material in the last year.

Just getting hobbies/activities to pass the time and *fill* up your schedule will definitely make other people think you are exciting and socially skilled. But, you have to truly want these things in your life to be fulfilled....otherwise you're just hopping from one momentary distraction to the next.

How do you feel when you say things are constantly "uncomfortable"? Are you anxious? Apathetic? Mad? Sad? Depressed? Melancholy? Stuck in a malaise?

Yugoslav

[kioshk]

Join Toastmasters or get a job in sales. Either will force to you connect with people, and that's what you need right now.

Just saw Woodguy's previous comment, and I see I'm seconding the Toastmaster's thing. It works. It's a non-judgmental social laboratory in which you can experiment freely.

[Arnold_O]

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start random conversations with strangers. start with ugly/old people who will be glad to talk with you.

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[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[MicroBob]

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Join Toastmasters or get a job in sales. Either will force to you connect with people, and that's what you need right now.

Just saw Woodguy's previous comment, and I see I'm seconding the Toastmaster's thing. It works. It's a non-judgmental social laboratory in which you can experiment freely.

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I don't know about toastmasters.
But I'm a really talkative guy a lot of the time...with occasional weird spurts of social-anxiety I guess....but whether I'm in a talkative mood or not I think I would prefer killing myself over taking a job in sales.

[tuq]

I generally have no problems in social settings but the need to "perform" and live up to certain norms and be "on" a lot can be exhausting. That's probably why I have 10K posts LOL, going out sucks the life out of me.

Does anyone ever excuse themselves to go to the bathroom when they barely have to piss? I find myself doing this sometimes in environments where it's formal or I'm not just hanging out with my buddies. It's like I just need a break or something. Going and dribbling what little I have in the tank out while just relaxing is a nice break.

[J.A.K.]

OP,

Take comfort in knowing that a large % of people, while sportsminded, don't give 2 s h i t s about X University hiring Y University special teams coach.

Take comfort in the fact that people regurgitate headlines/ obscure stories as if they offer new insight.

Take comfort in the fact that one ordinary life holds more drama/intrigue/pathos than all of celebrity.

Take comfort in the fact that there is a gap between living life according to reality and living life according to truth.

Take comfort in the fact that adults now invest time in cartoons.

Take comfort in the fact that one good blaze is = to .75 cases of Beast.


I'm Out..........