boot camp and military stories

[leprous_hand]

My favorite story was when i was playing in some free poker tournaments that the rec center threw once a week in Iraq. The blind structure is rough because it just keeps on doubling so if you dont make a few moves happen in the middle you cant get too deep. Anyway we are down to about 40 players(from 94) and the base starts getting mortared. We are all laying on the ground taking cover and after a few minutes pass I yell out "Blinds up next hand!"


--- maybe you had to be there but we all got a nice laugh

[fluffpop62]

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[censored] had a really interesting story from back when he was in the military that he posted about in OOT, but I can't find it. Maybe someone who knows what I'm talking about can find it. I don't want to ruin the story.

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http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/...te_id/1#import

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Wow, that's a ridiculous story. . .everyone reading this thread should check it out.

What do you all think about female military officers, specifically Navy?

[27offsuit]

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[censored] had a really interesting story....

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Cliff notes:

ED: DON'T RUIN [censored]'S POST!

[Borno]

I was 17. It was a hot summer's day and we were in the bush. The Canadian bush that is. Its a place where the black flys are wild, and the brush is high. We weren't going through the brush that day though. It was the Nuclear, Biological, Chemical Warfare (NBCW) training day. NBCW, the most dreaded of training.

We suited up - bunny suit, rubber boots, gloves and masks. The sweat was soiling my clothes. Being the good private I was I didn't complain but rather endured.

It wasn't tear gas... It was something stronger, that binds to moisture and burns.

In the hut I went. "Jump" said the Master Corporal. So I did. "Walk around in a circle" ordered the Corporal. As I started to walk around "AHH $@#!"

I can't see anything. My throath is burning and I can't breath. The stupid gas mask doesn't fit.

I run outside of the hut and start sweating, tearing and spewing snot out of my mouth and nose uncontrollably.

They pour water all over me to dilute the gas.

[WhoIam]

There was a great thread in OOT a while back about all the pranks submariners pulled on each other. I can't remember who the OP was or what the thread was called, but it was one of my favorite 2+2 reads.

[Zurvan]

Neither of these happened to me. I'm not nearly this stupid.

1. We have a guy on my course that can't keep his hands out of his pants. He was like Al Bundy - every time he sat down, he has to get a handful of his balls. So we're sitting in a very dull lecture of some description (First aid or some other dumb [censored]), and Greg is sitting there playing with himself. The Sergeant decides we're all a little too bored and not paying enough attention - so he barks out for everyone to come to attention. We all jump up, and Greg jams his [censored] back in his pants, and whips up the zipper. Of course, it didn't get all the way in before the zipper got up.

He requested permission to go to the can, and the Sergeant said OK. 10 minutes later, he's still not back, so the Sgt sends someone in to look for him. 10 minutes after that, they're both still missing. Clearly, the Sergeant is absolutely FUMING at this point, so he stamps off to the bathroom... to find the second guy on his knees in a stall, trying to unzip Greg's pants with a pair of pliers. He had zipped around some skin, and it was stuck, and good. Not quite There's Something about Mary, but close. Greg is crying, telling him to get it out, but also stopping him from pulling. He's in too much pain to stand, so they call the medics to come to the can.

A doctor & two (female) nurses arrive on the scene. The doctor enlists the Sergeant to hold Greg down at the shoulders, while the nurses hold his feet. He grabs the zipper in the aforementioned pliers, braces his feet against the toilet, and yanks. Greg screams, there's blood everywhere, and the Sergeant nearly passed out on top of him.

2. This story is probably not as funny if you don't know the people involved. But this one private was a little thick. It would take a good 5 minutes to explain to him that he should pack up his kit and carry it over to the truck. The Master Corporal in this story is very intelligent, and has a very dry & sarcastic sense of humour. Also important to the story - Canadian field rations have a gel silica packet in the bread, to help preserve it. The same packets come in new shoes.

Back to the story. This is actually a few weeks after #1. It's the second last training exercise of Infantry school, the first day of 5 in the field. The section stops to have a "nice" cold lunch. Near the end of lunch, the Master Cpl looks over at the Private and sees him licking the palm of his hand. He asks him what he's doing, and the Private responds, "eating the flavour crystals... but they don't taste very good." The flavour crystals were obviously the silica pack, which comes labelled "Do not eat" and "poison".

So the private gets rushed to the MRI (hospital), and they say that the small amount in the packet is just going to cause stomach problems for a couple of days. The cure - lots and lots of distilled water. So they hand him a 4 gallon jug of distilled water, and tell him to drink it over the next 4 days. If he runs out, he can get more. For the next 4 days, he was carrying around this huge jug of wtaer (that was refilled daily by our friendly supply Corporal [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]) with a terrible case of diarrhea. Every hour, he'd have to make the sprint to the nearest port-a-john. Funniest thing I've ever seen due to stupidity.

[traz]

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Neither of these happened to me. I'm not nearly this stupid.

1. We have a guy on my course that can't keep his hands out of his pants. He was like Al Bundy - every time he sat down, he has to get a handful of his balls. So we're sitting in a very dull lecture of some description (First aid or some other dumb [censored]), and Greg is sitting there playing with himself. The Sergeant decides we're all a little too bored and not paying enough attention - so he barks out for everyone to come to attention. We all jump up, and Greg jams his [censored] back in his pants, and whips up the zipper. Of course, it didn't get all the way in before the zipper got up.

He requested permission to go to the can, and the Sergeant said OK. 10 minutes later, he's still not back, so the Sgt sends someone in to look for him. 10 minutes after that, they're both still missing. Clearly, the Sergeant is absolutely FUMING at this point, so he stamps off to the bathroom... to find the second guy on his knees in a stall, trying to unzip Greg's pants with a pair of pliers. He had zipped around some skin, and it was stuck, and good. Not quite There's Something about Mary, but close. Greg is crying, telling him to get it out, but also stopping him from pulling. He's in too much pain to stand, so they call the medics to come to the can.

A doctor & two (female) nurses arrive on the scene. The doctor enlists the Sergeant to hold Greg down at the shoulders, while the nurses hold his feet. He grabs the zipper in the aforementioned pliers, braces his feet against the toilet, and yanks. Greg screams, there's blood everywhere, and the Sergeant nearly passed out on top of him.



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Thanks for making me squirm, shiver, and shudder zurvan

[BigBuffet]

After Jump School I get to my unit in the 82nd. One day the Platoon Sgt puts up the duty roster and Koch's name is spelled with a K instead of an H. I say aloud "Hmm, must be a Freudian slip" [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] (Everyone disappears...)

The Platoon Sgt asks my Squad Leader what that meant. The SL tells him "He says you are thinking about dik".

PS tells me if I ever say shjt like that again I'll be Article 15'd.

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[2/325Falcon]

A guy in my platoon wouldn't keep his barracks room clean. Finally, the Platoon Sergeant had enough and makes him take all the crap out to clean it. The PSG made him set everything up outside the building just as it was in his room. We ran an extension cord out a window so he could plug in his stuff. Later that day the Battalion Command Sergeant Major came over to the company AO and saw this guy with all his things set up on the lawn watching TV. The WTF look on the CSM's face as he walked away was priceless. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Kirkrrr]

This was right after bootcamp in SOI - School of Infantry, a two-something month long course in basic infantry tactics that basically doesn't teach you [censored] but does toughen you up a little for the fleet, though all of that is beside the point.
I was there during Thanksgiving and they have a program where a lot of families around San Diego county volunteer to have one or two Marines come over to their house for the Thanksgiving dinner (yeah, I know, "Awww..."). Anyway, the meal was great, had a nice evening and they even had a cherry pie for desert, of which I am a huge fan in general and that one in particular. The next day after everyone was back our Company instructors had us write "Thank You" cards to send back to the families and naturally I ended my note with something like "... and the cherry pie was amazing!!" I didn't realize all the notes will get proofread by the instructor Sergeants (a pretty common sense precaution now that I think back on it) so I was kinda surprised when I got called back into their room and grilled for 5 minutes just how "amazing" the cherry pie was. From then on, I was the Cherry Pie guy until I finished that school.

Kirk