So I went to go get a pita

[timex]

I was over at a friends place, and after I leave, I decide to go get a pita. I still don't have my license, but opt to go taxi there and back, paying $30 for a mediocre meal ain't no thang for a baller like me. My cab driver seems relatively nice and kind of like a grandfather at first, until he starts talking about how much he hates immigrants... luckily I was almost at the pita factory.

I get outside, and there are some toolish people outside, they tell me I should get a poutine, I shrug and walk inside. The restaurant is about as busy as it usually is at 2am, just a couple people in line, and very few people at the tables. I hear a couple thuds, and one of the tools outside is hitting his head against the window. I see that there is a man asleep at one of the tables inside, and he is apparently trying to wake him up, weird.

The pita factory employees say how hes been here twice before, and fell asleep then as well, he's about 35, clean-shaven etc, and if I saw him at any time other than sleeping in a pita restaurant, I'd think he is a valued member of society. I take my seat, and I'm the only other person eating in the restaurant, my pita is delicious, and I'm getting kind of tired and looking forward to getting home.

Now, another customer walks into the restaurant, hes a relatively tall Jamaican guy(we'll call him Aaron) who walks in saying loudly how he wants a sandwich but needs to use the washroom. This wakes up the sleeper, we'll call him Bill.

Bill wakes up groggily, spilt pita on the ground around him and covering his shirt, he gives me a peace sign, I reply back with a "hey man, hows your night been?" he turns his hand into a gun, puts it to his head and pretends to pull the trigger. I normally am one to avoid potential confrontations, but this guy looked like he could use someone to talk to, so I stand up, walk over to where he was sitting, introduce myself, and ask if he could use someone to talk to, he seems pretty happy.

I ask whats wrong, he says something about work and girlfriend troubles, we get talking about where we're from(inside a Waterloo restaurant):
"you from Oakville, Burlington(both cities well over an hour from Waterloo)?"
"nah, I'm from Waterloo"
"get out of town, my girlfriends from Waterloo"
"I'll be damned, where you from?"
"Oakville"

We now get interrupted by Aaron who has just finished his order and asks if he could take a seat, we say sure, and get talking. He introduces himself, and goes on to talk for about 2-3 minutes straight, most of his speech word for word from various Bob Marley songs.

Every time he says something about being good to others, not worrying, being humble to yourself and everyone else, Bill is sure to give him props or pound his chest and hold out 2 fingers(I still don't know what this means, but I see people do this way to often).

Aaron continues to talk about the temple that is our heart that evil cannot touch without our permission, how money is security but not happiness, how if you feel no loss there was no love, how once corruption corrupts, there can be no agreement, how knowledge is the key, and how there is true pride and evil pride. Bill is loving it the whole time, and keeps talking about all the stress in his life.

Eventually, Bill begins seeking Aaron's help, asking him his opinion on how he can fix his life etc., things continue to go downhill. The route of Bill's problems were evident from this conversation:

"so man, I've got this friend whose going out with this chick from Venezuela, and her dad owns a coffee plantation, what do I do"
Aaron gives a *this guy is even crazier than me* sort of look before replying
"don't worry about it mon, be umble to yourself"

Aaron speaks with such authority and such utter insanity that all the employees have left the main part of the restaurant and are laughing in the kitchen, other customers have all ensured to get their food to go, and can be seen giggling outside the store, some have continued watching us from a distance.

The store then closes(3am) and we head outside, I try to make a break for it, but they manage to convince me to go over to the other end of the plaza to go get cigars(I don't smoke, but this was pretty entertaining), they walk down, there, arms over each others shoulders after being complete strangers just 40 minutes ago. Aaron keeps giving the same responses to Bill's problems, and they eventually get there, and get cigarettes, and Aaron picks up a pack of gum because he had a secret for me.

I was sure the secret would be something involving hypocrisy(each time he said this, Bill replied with his standard "[censored] hippies"), the government, Jesus, himself, his eyes, my heart, wisdom or some combination of them all, but it turns out his secret was that if you are drinking and driving, you can pass a breathalyser test if you are chewing gum... I wouldn't have believed him when I was 7.

We continue talking for a while, and it quickly becomes evident that Bill is beginning to realize that Aaron is over the top crazy as he begins talking about the government conspiracy's, his power, his wisdom, how police don't trust him, and then he finally goes over the top.

Aaron tells us of how he met a man downtown who confided in him, as he has confided in us, who had a power similar to his. He claimed he walked away from Aaron, and levitated... twice. As Aaron attempted this feat, Bill wispered to me something like "this guy is [censored] nuts". He continues for quite a long time about how women are the only difference between men and women are that women are glory, Bill disagreed saying that there is another difference... that women have vaginas. He then laughed for no less than 6 minutes.

Some girls walks into the store next to us, and Bill says "lets have a good time", I have no idea what this means, but it sounds creepier than anything I have heard in a while considering that none of them were more than 1/2 his age. Aaron strikes fear upon Bill talking about how the hypocrisy that is the media causes women to be paranoid and negative and interpret things incorrectly. He says how he might say hi to them later(Bill is so scared at this point that he replies back that he wouldn't even do that), but you aren't being true to yourself if you go do something that you may regret. He then says that women lie, and if a woman lies, you could end up in jail for 8 month and probation for one more year, subtle.

I then realize its probably a pretty good time to leave(past 4am now), so I make up some excuse, walk away, get followed for a little bit, tell them I really need sleep, and they stand there shouting across the whole parking lot about religion until I can no longer hear.

I really wish I could remember the night better as it was probably one of the most strange things that has ever happened to me, but this is the best I can do.

[grando]

.....

[PITTM]

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TELL ME MORE ABOUT .....

[Teh1337zor]

take this ish to EDF

how old are you that you dont have your liscizzle yet?

[Zach Belden]

well alright then

[AHoboOnFire]

stop doing acid with strangers

[NHFunkii]

just imagine how much more awesome this experience would have been if you'd been wasted

[kickpushcoast]

i wanted to hear more about the pita

[rory]

[IronFly]

solid post, I liked it.

[ QUOTE ]
Aaron continues to talk about the temple that is our heart that evil cannot touch without our permission, how money is security but not happiness, how if you feel no loss there was no love, how once corruption corrupts, there can be no agreement, how knowledge is the key, and how there is true pride and evil pride. Bill is loving it the whole time, and keeps talking about all the stress in his life.

[/ QUOTE ]

best part IMO.