Another First Date Thread

[Rushmore]

There has been a LOT of bad advice in this thread.

First of all, you are not locked in the friend zone. She asked you to "take her out." She did not say anything specific. Translation: she wants to spend time WITH YOU. This is good. She likes you.

Secondly, don't go to a theater. Take her for a drink and appetizers at a relatively upscale bar/restaurant, and sit at the bar. It'll be impressive, shouldn't cost much more than the movie would have, and you'll get a chance to get six or seven gin and tonics in you, so that you will not ejaculate too fast when she offers you sex later in the evening.

Third, shoot as much dope as possible before you go. This will ease your stress level, and make you much more personable (between nodding out). But for God's sake--don't forget to keep drinking!

Fourth, stop sounding like you're 12. You're an adult. Tell her you want amyl nitrate and the strap-on, and she'll know you're the man.

Dude, you are so in that.

[Brian]

This girl has no interest in you whatsoever. The PUA community has a great term for these types of girls which I have long forgotten, but essentially she's a female player. For some sick, [censored] up self-esteem reason, this type of girl keeps lots of guys around that she has no interest in who are eager to take her out, so whenever she's got nothing going on SHE will call up THE GUY and get him to take her out.

It's amazing from just two paragraphs how many signs are apparent:

[ QUOTE ]
She is always very busy and has put off us hanging out plenty of times.

[/ QUOTE ]

A girl who is interested in you doesn't put you off, ever. A girl who is stringing you along to use you whenever she wants does.

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, she asked me if I would take her out sometime next week.

[/ QUOTE ]

Duh, shes got you on her schedule.



Yeah, you won't believe what I am saying, but here's how you can out her: When you show up at the theatre, pay for your ticket only (you should be doing this anyways, even though I know you aren't). If she goes along with it, then hopefully for your sake OOT misread the situation and you stand some sort of shot. But don't get your hopes up because your only shot was:

[ QUOTE ]
Although I did go to her house for a movie a few weeks ago which didn't go so hot. She sat on the side of the couch all night so I didn't push anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was your first date. The only thing you can do now is move on, and know in the future that you need to make a move in this situation every last time. It's not "pushing anything". It's "being a man".

Brian

[MicroBob]

Brian - really disagree.
Maybe your read will end up being correct.
But there is no reason to think he can't pull this off even IF she currently considers him in the friend-zone.

Ummm, impress her with your dazzling wit or something perhaps and she will start to be into you. LDO.

She asked him out. Even if she THINKS they are friend-zone material there is definite potential there.

And there's a very real chance that she doesn't even think they are in the friend-zone currently and she actually wants to go out with him again (and got kind of annoyed that he didn't ask her out after they spent some time together much less that he didn't make a move).


I knew a girl who I was somewhat into but she always seemed to be busy. Studying for this exam or that or tired from work or whatever.
She was blowing me off. No biggie, I think she actually was kind of busy but also was kind of uncertain about whether she dug me very much or not.

Eventually we go out, she digs me, we end up getting married.

Some of the PUA stuff bandied about on here seems kind of backwards to me.

They're just women. They aren't necessarily calculating as much as you think they are all the time.
And even when they are you can just convince them to be into you anyway.


Also - I'm not big on going to a movie for this get-together but whatever.
Not necessarily big on scary movies. If she's super-creeped out by such stuff it could end up being a big turnoff to see a bunch of people getting all slashed up.
For other women though who aren't completely creeped out by such things I think the point about the endorphins could be somewhat correct.

Worth noting also that I'm guessing this kid is not 21 so likely will not be able to sit at the bar ordering one drink after another.

[Brian]

[ QUOTE ]
But there is no reason to think he can't pull this off even IF she currently considers him in the friend-zone.

She asked him out. Even if she THINKS they are friend-zone material there is definite potential there.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is where we disagree. He isn't in the friend zone. He is in the manipulation zone (I read what you said about being calculating btw, and I'm not saying she is necessarily some cold hard manipulative calculating bitch, a lot of this is done subconciously I'm sure, who the [censored] really knows what's going on in their heads tho, certainly not either of us after 2 paragraphs). This is NOT your typical "friend zone" problem. These two aren't friends. They kinda sort knew each other in High School. They really "hit it off" (I don't mean to really hate on the OP, but this likely means they had a short five minute conversation and he got her number, I hope he elaborates though). She then avoided seeing him lord knows how many times. They then watched a movie together. These two aren't "friends". He is about to get "used".

Her asking him out is a total, CLASSIC sign of the female player. She has him on HER schedule. She's the one calling the shots. He's just the little lost puppy dog always at her beck and call. Of course it's all in the context, Bob. Neither of us heard the phone call, maybe this chick is into him like you say and her calling him is actually a good sign. Maybe you're right and she wants his c()ck so bad but he just wouldn't make a move that night she sat all alone on one side of the couch, and her pvssy has just been overflowing with juices in the unknown number of weeks since that date, and it has finally burst and broke down and she had to call him. But from the information we've been given, arriving at any conclusion other than this chick has no interest in him is imo absurd.

Other than that Bob, I agree with you. No matter how bad of shape this guy is in, he can turn it around. I'm sure you turned it around with your wife. But read his post again. This guy isnt impressing and dazzling her with his 2nd movie in 2 dates. And he sounds like your typical, dare-I-use-PUA-lingo-in-OOT-without-being-castrated, AFC.

BTW OP, I am totally on your side here. I hope that I am wrong and things go well for you. But, please make her pay for her ticket and split any other expenses. And be sure to give us a trip report, for the love of god people who post this sh!t asking for advice then don't update make me want to go postal.

Brian

[EDIT]: Vehn, he should definitely go so that he can give us a trip report! [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img] And perhaps prove the sinful PUA community wrong. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Vehn]

completely agree with everything brian said except for one thing, which is that he should even consider going to this movie with this girl. He's not going to "blow this one" because he already did.

[MicroBob]

"This guy isnt exactly in good shape here, taking a girl to the movies (2nd movie in 2 dates) and asking OOT for advice."


Very much agree.
The bit where he asks about whether he should make the first move, put his arm around her, whatever is just weak.

The reason it doesn't look good has nothing to do with whether she's manipulating him or not.
It has to do with his inability to know at all what he should do.

But as far as 'screwing it all up' from the first movie they watched together and that he somehow has no chance anymore.
No way.
He could awkwardly watch 10 straight movies with this girl where absolutely nothing happens and he can still turn it around if he could somehow find a way to be funny/cool/smooth whatever.

not as easy of course. But whatever. My point is that one awkward "date" sitting on opposite ends of the couch hardly means he can't pull off something better the 2nd or 3rd time around.

My guess is that the girl is just as awkward about this stuff as he is.
They've probably got some mild-crush thing going on for each other (perhaps him more for her than vice-versa) and neither one of them really knows what the hell to do about it.


I was an insanely slow learner about a lot of this stuff so I don't blame him for being gun-shy or bashful or awkward or whatever. I was like that for WAY too freaking long (arrrrgh, all the former high-school and college "friends" that I know I could have made some kind of move on) and if it weren't for girls making moves on me I might never have gotten laid in the first place.


Also - completely agree with him having to come back with a recap.
Arrrrgh to all the people who won't return with a full report (probably because they were embarassed at totally striking-out).

[Colima420]

[ QUOTE ]
Movies in theaters are AWFUL first dates.

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Movie theathers are the worst because the whole time it´s uncomfortable and after two hours you are starting from zero again.

This is what happens when you go to the movies for a first date:
1. You don´t enjoy the movie at all because the whole time you are thinking about making a move or waiting.
2. you are there in complete silence not being able to talk to her or even look at her (too dark).
3. The movie ends and you are not closer at all to achieving your goal (having the girl have at least some remote interest in you).

In this situations, it is usually much better to take her to dinner for the following reasons:

1. You get to look at her the whole time.
2. You can easily make her atracted to you at least temporarily if things go well.
3.You get to know her more, which can build into getting closer to her.
4. You can assess the situation and have a pretty good idea if she is liking the date or not (in the movie there is no way of knowing this).

And it goes without mentioning that it is much more romantic to pick her up, drive her there, sit down together, eat and have a nice conversation, and whatever else happens than it is to be at the movies.

Colima420

[Evan]

The PUA stuff is retarded but everything Brian said is right imo. Girls asking you to take them out after they blow you off is just effing bizarre, no way that's genuine.

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]
completely agree with everything brian said except for one thing, which is that he should even consider going to this movie with this girl. He's not going to "blow this one" because he already did.

[/ QUOTE ]


Arrrgh.
I practically did the 'watch movies awkwardly as friends' with a couple girls I knew in high-school or college who I later fooled around with.

One awkward movie with a failure to 'close the deal' isn't the end of the world.

He blew it on THAT NIGHT.
So just do better the next time.
Not that I'm all that confident that the OP can because he seems really awkwardly shy...but, in general, it's not that freaking hard.


All this attitude of "OMG you made a mistake so now it's all screwed-up for life and there is zero chance of ever getting anywhere with her" just amazes me.
Some of you guys seem to give up too easily imo.

[MicroBob]

colima - very much agree about the movies.
Just makes things too difficult overall.

One exception that I can think of is if it's a really bad movie that she agrees is awful so that you can sit there and make fun of it together or something like that.

3rd or 4th date or so with my current GF was our first movie together and man did it suck. We couldn't stop laughing about it and it still is an inside-joke and point-of-reference for us.


Kind of dangerous to rip on a crappy movie and then find out that she actually is really into it though. So your mileage may vary on that one.