imitation back in China

[cwes]

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that picture is awesome in so many ways

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Indeed. Sniffing it off the Dalai Lama might reduce the death sentence for doing drugs to a life in labor camp.

[mbillie1]

lol harsh punishment...aments

[Victor]

how did you get out of the whore house alive?

[xxThe_Lebowskixx]

super cool picture unless that is just powder sugar, inwhich case its just a cool picture.

[mbillie1]

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super cool picture unless that is just powder sugar, inwhich case its just a cool picture.

[/ QUOTE ]

def, i set it as my wallpaper haha

http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/7...toplolzai1.png

[imitation]

[ QUOTE ]
super cool picture unless that is just powder sugar, inwhich case its just a cool picture.

[/ QUOTE ]

oh please, it's me, side not i took so [censored] long finding a camera then trying to upload to some image hosting site working out how to post the image correctly that because of humidity by the time i came back to do those lines it had turned all sticky and disgusting so i basically wasted those 3 lines but i licked them up and it wasn't too disgusting.

Also in the other tab i'm typing out the Sunday night story it's sought of epic.

[imitation]

ok well i might as well post that here,

so on sunday night i find myself in HK, I have accomodation organised but an old chinese friend from the mainland who now has a great job in HK invites me out for a few afternoon beers, i'm just sitting at my ex's place drinking a few while she's out so i figure who the hell not.

We meet up about 5 and head to a nice and dodgy place in Mongkok that still lets you drink, eat food and most importantly play dice. He has a friend from GZ with him, who's English is terrible and Mandarin not much better. I might go off on a tangent here and tell you about this friend, i've known him for about 2yrs and he was always a regular on the Guangzhou expat circuit because he had a few friends who loved to party and well we loved to bring this guy along because he has that anonymous kind of charm that's hard to find. His English is also excellent.

Anyhow, after a few beers he tells me we are going to have dinner with his bosses, some Singaporean guys, I already know what he's thinking but we put our heads together and devise and plan to tell them that I'm an Australian businessman on holidays coming to China to inspect my factories and source some more product, it's a great lie i've used it before.

We head out to dinner nice place, not exactly high high HK class but a very established place which still allows smoking which is technically illegal in restaraunts there now. Dinner as great i won't ellaborate but the beers flowed and the food was A+. I'm pretty drunk by this point but it's still early 9-10 maybe.

I see some 90s famous Chinese movie star play Mahjong so I stagger towars him and ask for a signature (making sure not to tap his should, this is bad luck for gamblers), he obliges and even asks me a few questions about Ausralia.

We go to some pseudo night club - karaoke bar it is really really boring but we are drunk so I have fun, I expertly feign that i'm going to pay for drinks no less than 4 times, anyone who's lived in Asia knows this little dance, you pull out you wallet call over the nearest girl but you do it larger than life so everyone at the table sees you and you also hesitate slightly when deciding on the drinks. The host will immediately jump accross the table to pay, but you are smarter than that you start to pull the bills from you wallet and give them the young girl (you still haven't actually selected a drink but it's irrelevant), host pushes your money back into your wallet, some to and froing, you give up and the drinks arrive shortly after. You sigh a little sigh of relief because theres enough money in your wallet to get a taxi home and organise your visa tomorrow.

Anyway long story short we do tequila shots, i'm disgustingly chat drunk now. But it's only 2 so what the hell the saunas it is.

The saunas unforunately are but a haze what I can remember is a shambling stumbling mess of a man that selected the most stunning Thai girl. I head to the room there i'm having trouble keeping my eyes open so I indicate in my most abrupt manner that I don't want to wait around so lets just get into it. Now as i'm throwing this girl around the room in an orgy that can only be described as 2-5 minutes long I realise something I will never ever of my own accord pick up a girl this attractive, this disturbs still to this moment because I'm going to have to live with the fact that the hottest girl I [censored] was a prostitue. Of course I have had sex with very attractive women under my own steam but this girl was something else.

So forth as I reach the moment of climax (somehow I convinced her to let me go doggystyle she was really displeased) I pull out and rip off the condom. Her head snaps she's heard that distinct sounnd of a condom being pulled off before, but she is not quite quick enough to move her pack from a surprisingly well directed squirt.

She's pissed obviously, but i'm cut drunk it doesn't seem to matter to me so I pull on my clothes quicker than here run back upstairs to the spa area and jump in. I begin to attempt a chinese converstaion with the spa guy (what the hell is this guys job other than to check out my dick and nuts). I haven't had my actual massage yet so I tell him to bring more girls, he infact brings the manager who is a wonderfully Chinese Chinese man, with a handlebar moustache.

We agree that I have been short changed and exchange colourful language about Thai girls and Thais in general. He brings an old weathered up Chinese women, but i'm not really in position to argue.

Somewhere around here I find this laptop they have for customers, I ramble on 2p2, I ramble to girls on msn, I generally make somewhere between a fool and a god of myself.

Anyway I finish the massage, I go to the spa again I wonder around the facilities, they have heaps of these laptops and I play with them some more and get some noodles to eat. I have no idea where the men with money have gone and I ask about the bill, it's pretty large. The handle-bar moustache guy can see my nervousness as I slink back into the spa one more time, my fears are averted men with money have paid for everything and I can actually sleep here the night if I want. I can't imagine who does sleep in these places so I decide to just jet.

Jump in a taxi spend my 80hk dollars back the apartment walk in the door smelling like all the liquor there is at 6 in the morning. My ex wakes me at 7 to say she's off to work soon, I sat my good byes and thank her for the couch, I get up shower, eat 2 hashbrowns and 2 bacon and egg muffins on the subway to my visa shop. Drop off my passport make the trek back and crash out.

Thanks for reading.

[mbillie1]

lol you are awesome

how much monies and connections do you need to get by in china? i need a break from here

[TalkingDonkey]

[ QUOTE ]
Do you fear the Yakuza?

[/ QUOTE ]

he shouldn't DUCY

[00Snitch]

lawl. you're going to hell man.

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

PS. don't forget my stubbie cooler kent!