Can't Take the Grind Anymore

[CandyCornsLOL]

Hi everyone, I'm making this post to further reinforce to myself the permanence of my decision. I am done with poker and all aspects of it for good. This is more a post for myself but feel free to read and leave any comments.

A little background information for reference. I am 18 years old and am about to attend Kent State University studying biology in the fall. First off this post is not about me losing thousands of dollars or me desperately trying to make it big. I have never played higher than NL100 online. I always considered poker a part-time hobby and something to play for fun. That said, I've decided to quit poker today after losing my 150$ on carbon poker. I started out with 48$ and played NL25. I played about 2 hours every days and felt good and quit if I felt tilt/impatience/boredom. I really thought this was the time I got a real bankroll started to be there and available for me to play whenever I felt like it. I've tried with 10-50$ deposits on stars and FTP before and they would always be gone after a few days, when I got bored of the grind and took shots. Fast forward to today, I'm grinding as usual. Lose 1.5 buyins, nothing horrible, and for some reason felt this horrible need to get that $ back as soon as possible. Enter carbon poker blackjack. I've stayed away from it thus far, but I opened it up with no idea really what I was doing. 10 minutes later all I have left is the 12$ left on my NL25 table. Leave and that goes to blackjack as well.

I really found out today that I do have some poker skills, but I really am not cut out for the grind that is poker in general. I am happy though because I leave the online poker game as an almost exact break even player. I feel a bit sad to leave because I made some good friends at online poker and I always had a lot of fun with it. However I do realize its done for me.

It really feels good to get that out of my head and into words. Thanks to anyone who read this and good luck.

[aaokwitme]

THAT SUCKED

[holyfield5]

dammit i thought this was gonna be an actual winning decent player who couldnt take the grind giving a farewell and decent synopsis/story.

color me disappointed

[CandyCornsLOL]

Well I guess I'm a winning player including rakeback, bonuses, etc. Sorry to dissapoint.

[RickA]

I think you are the farthest thing from a grinder. You are playing way above your bankroll and that constitues a gambler more than a grinder.

[CandyCornsLOL]

Well I suppose your right, but I felt really comfortable at NL25. I guess grind isn't the right word...maybe I can't take the swings? I'm too concerned about the actual value of money? I really don't know, I'm just sure I'm done.

[deluz35]

Poker is a grind unless you are in love with the challenge or addicted to the swings. [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

[mattw]

playing 2 hr sessions is not a grind unless you are playing 4-8 of them a day. unless you count cards which you cant do online, blackjack is an -EV game. it sounds to me like you lack disipline, sorry dude.

if you have the intellectually ability to enter a university, you have the mental ablility to study, learn and become a better poker player.

i am encourged by your recent self-analysis. read zen and the art of poker.

[El_Hombre_Grande]

Grind is not the word. Gambling is the word.

It sounds like you have about a 1000 hand career.

There are people who play 5000 hands a day. They grind.

There is no way to know whether you have ability or not. one way to know would be to move way down (NL 5) and be reasonably rolled for it, rather than trying to operate with two buy ins.

[morphball]

Wait, your bankroll was five buy-ins and you busted? Does not compute...