In divorce does 50/50 always apply?

[fluorescenthippo]

on a related note. if you refuse to marry w/o a prenuptial what is the best way to convince your fiancee to do so?

[chesspain]

This entire thread is making me sick. For reasons which aren't completely clear to me, the OP is obsessed with the state of his parents' marriage. Extremely troubling aspects of this "case" include:

1) OP's description of his mom as a "manipulative," "evil,"
"terrible person." Difficult to say whether OP felt this way about her before finding out about the affair, though he claims that she pushed away their extended family. Even if she has a mental illness or a personality disorder, calling her evil is pretty harsh stuff, unless he was severely abused throughout his childhood.

2) OP overly idealizes his father as this noble, saintly man working himself to death for the sake of the family. For all we know, his "old school" dad is a stereotypic workaholic physician whose routine left their mother emotionally empty. Of course, it's also possible that he works all of these hours to avoid having to deal with his shrew of a wife. If the latter is true, it would be understandable--although it would not make his father particularly noble or particularly worthy of being viewed as a victimized cuckold.

3) In overidentifying with his father, OP makes the same argument about an impending divorce as made by many men who've supported their families, mainly "She will get half of my money." Of course, these men are too self absorbed to see that they would have never been able to earn this kind of money if they didn't have a wife who was around to raise the children. Consequently, except in very unusual circumstances, the spouse is entitled to half of the assets, since s/he presumably helped to maintain the family environment during which the funds were acquired.

4) OP loves his can-do-no wrong Pappa and hates his evil Momma. Chances are, both parents knows his feelings and feel similarly about him. I'm curious that no one has questionned whether the OP (at least unconsciously) is attempting to protect the size of his future inheritance?

In summary, OP is an adult who should stay out of his parents' business.

[DrewDevil]

OP, I feel for your situation, but your choice of the forum as a place to ask for legal advice is a really really terrible one. Most of the answers on this thread are completely wrong.

I am not giving legal advice here, but do a search for "new york divorce" and you can learn far more about the process.

MrMon is right that NY is one of the last states that does not have no-fault divorce, and adultery is one of the four "fault" grounds for divorce in NY state.

Everyone else: please stop posting your legal theories. Gah.

[Taso]

[ QUOTE ]
1) OP's description of his mom as a "manipulative," "evil,"
"terrible person." Difficult to say whether OP felt this way about her before finding out about the affair, though he claims that she pushed away their extended family. Even if she has a mental illness or a personality disorder, calling her evil is pretty harsh stuff, unless he was severely abused throughout his childhood.

[/ QUOTE ]

I consider most people who cheat on their spouse to be in the wrong. Mistakes happen, but not even feeling/showing guilt? And yeah, I do resent her for pushing away all of my father's close friends, so he has no one to talk to about what is going on in his life. I also resent her for leaving my father when he had just had back surgery, and dissapearing for three months. She was nice enough though to show up for my graduation [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[ QUOTE ]
2) OP overly idealizes his father as this noble, saintly man working himself to death for the sake of the family. For all we know, his "old school" dad is a stereotypic workaholic physician whose routine left their mother emotionally empty. Of course, it's also possible that he works all of these hours to avoid having to deal with his shrew of a wife. If the latter is true, it would be understandable--although it would not make his father particularly noble or particularly worthy of being viewed as a victimized cuckold.


[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, for all you know... The truth of it is, he's one of the best cardiologist/hypertension specialists in New York, he wrote, if not the book, many chapters on hypertension. He's turned down all the research posistions he's been offered in Europe, Asia, the Middle East, and other parts of the USA which would have offered him more money, to be with his family instead.

[ QUOTE ]
3) In overidentifying with his father, OP makes the same argument about an impending divorce as made by many men who've supported their families, mainly "She will get half of my money." Of course, these men are too self absorbed to see that they would have never been able to earn this kind of money if they didn't have a wife who was around to raise the children. Consequently, except in very unusual circumstances, the spouse is entitled to half of the assets, since s/he presumably helped to maintain the family environment during which the funds were acquired.

[/ QUOTE ]

I may not have such a problem with it if the half she was "entitled to" would not end up going to the jerk she's with now. Let's also remember that "if he didn't have a wife to raise the children around" he probably wouldn't have children, and would have made more money :P .

[ QUOTE ]
4) OP loves his can-do-no wrong Pappa and hates his evil Momma. Chances are, both parents knows his feelings and feel similarly about him. I'm curious that no one has questionned whether the OP (at least unconsciously) is attempting to protect the size of his future inheritance?

In summary, OP is an adult who should stay out of his parents' business.

[/ QUOTE ]

That is a small part of it, but its more about protecting what my father has been working for basically all his life. As far as staying out of my parents business, if I don't get involved she will keep taking advantage of him until he is out on the street; he's tired, lost his spirits, and needs help - I'm his son, so I should help. Yeah, I'm her son too, but she's betrayed us, and she doesn't need help with whatshisface in the picture.


Drew, yeah I know a poker forum isn't the best place. I've seen lawyers posting around here though and figured it was worth a shot. I wasn't aware that New York didn't have the no-fault divorce. Really, I'm just trying to get a very basic(read: free) idea of what can be done.

[fuzzwonder]

according to this article there IS fault based divorce judgements in new york BUT they do not effect the financial outcome.

best bet is to have the wife agree to move all the assets to the children possession and then apply for a divorce, although she would probably see it coming from a mile away and deny you it.

[VoraciousReader]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I'm her son too, but she's betrayed us, and she doesn't need help with whatshisface in the picture.

[/ QUOTE ]

This says it all right here. Chesspain is right on the mark.

And I despise cheating the way only someone who has had their future changed by it can. But there are ALWAYS two people in the relationship, and it is never as simple as "she's evil".

[PokeReader]

Yes, that is right. New York is the only state that does not have no fault divorce. However, if he, (your Father), does not want the divorce, what usually can happen in these types of cases is that the lawyers will negoiciate for a better, (read less than 50, not nothing), for his agreement. The out of country assets will further complicate this case. In New York, if he does not agree, she will have to sue based on cruelty or similar grounds. The courts are currently extremely narrow on their rulings on these contested divorces, and many couples who both want a divorce but were unable to settle end up forced to go on living together, and are then refused the divorce. So, she may need to give up some property rights if she wants the divorce, especially if she wants it quickly.

Rule 1. Talk to a lawyer. In fact, since he has alot of money, he should employ a common technique by having a consultation with all of the best divorce lawyers able to practice in NY, which will mean she cannot hire any of them.
Rule 2. Do not move out of the house. Usually, the individual living in the house at the time of the judgement will have more rights, and as she has less financial reserves, not living in the house will cause her to drain them to have less for the legal case.

In your case, I would also suggest that if, especially if papers have not been filed, and especially if any of the other houses are suitable for a residence for her that you consult a tax attorney about legal ways to shield this from become her residence, and to shield the rest of the estate. It may be a good time for some long delayed tax planning, n'est pas? They may want to set up some trusts, but get someone good, and someone that won't skirt the law too much, because if the judge feels you have intentionally hid assets it will affect the entire case.

Good Luck.

[Dale]

The best thing for someone involved in a divorce is to get a lawyer, and avoid all other conversations about it (except with a therapist), because you'll drive yourself crazy on things that are unrealistic or complete non-factors.

[LonesomeFugitive]

what if you get married in another country? would the 50-50 in divorce still apply? what if you petition for divorce in another country?

[DrewDevil]

[ QUOTE ]
This entire thread is making me sick. For reasons which aren't completely clear to me, the OP is obsessed with the state of his parents' marriage. Extremely troubling aspects of this "case" include:

1) OP's description of his mom as a "manipulative," "evil,"
"terrible person." Difficult to say whether OP felt this way about her before finding out about the affair, though he claims that she pushed away their extended family. Even if she has a mental illness or a personality disorder, calling her evil is pretty harsh stuff, unless he was severely abused throughout his childhood.

2) OP overly idealizes his father as this noble, saintly man working himself to death for the sake of the family. For all we know, his "old school" dad is a stereotypic workaholic physician whose routine left their mother emotionally empty. Of course, it's also possible that he works all of these hours to avoid having to deal with his shrew of a wife. If the latter is true, it would be understandable--although it would not make his father particularly noble or particularly worthy of being viewed as a victimized cuckold.

3) In overidentifying with his father, OP makes the same argument about an impending divorce as made by many men who've supported their families, mainly "She will get half of my money." Of course, these men are too self absorbed to see that they would have never been able to earn this kind of money if they didn't have a wife who was around to raise the children. Consequently, except in very unusual circumstances, the spouse is entitled to half of the assets, since s/he presumably helped to maintain the family environment during which the funds were acquired.

4) OP loves his can-do-no wrong Pappa and hates his evil Momma. Chances are, both parents knows his feelings and feel similarly about him. I'm curious that no one has questionned whether the OP (at least unconsciously) is attempting to protect the size of his future inheritance?

In summary, OP is an adult who should stay out of his parents' business.

[/ QUOTE ]

I really really disagree with both the tone and the opinions expressed in this post.

I think it's perfectly understandable and even expected for the OP to have strong feelings about his parents' marriage and about what he sees as his mother's betrayal of that marriage. Anyone who is remotely close to his family would have very strong emotions if his parents were splitting up, and it's no surprise that OP is taking sides on the matter either. "Obsessed" with his parents' marriage? Ridiculous.

And it's irresponsible to say "for all we know" and then assume that it must be equally the father's fault or that the father is the real cause of the adultery. Why would you assume something like that? Just because it's the OPPOSITE of what the OP said?

Finally, scolding the OP and telling him to mind his own business is absurd. You don't think his PARENTS' MARRIAGE is any of his concern? That's ridiculous! He would be a pretty lousy or selfish person if he were not intimately concerned with what was happening here, and I think it's really quite rude to presume to know what the OP is thinking and feeling and to tell him how he should or shouldn't be acting and feeling.