Destructive gambler asks "How do I quit poker?"

[VanHammersley]

I just wrote a long response, and I guess the page timed out and it got erased... So I'll shorten it here:

I didn't read ALL nine pages, but has anyone suggested that you write a book about your experience? I know you're not pissing away Stu Unger-like money, but to me, that's what makes your story so compelling -- it could apply to virtually any of us.

Your story is real and relatable, obviously of interest to poker players (hence the 9+ pages here), and probably even to non-gamblers. Your writing is clear, and you really do have an author's knack for noting and recalling details.

I don't even think you need to get all James Frey, making things up about heroin addiction and murdering nuns for poker money -- the small scale of your tale makes it a genuine human interest story (though if it got picked up, the publisher would probably make you add a climactic battle with Voldemort, or something). Plus, this forum is a great place to find anecdotes, quotes, and other supplementary content (always get permission, if you plan on getting it published).

Writing takes discipline, but it will also eat up a lot of that gambling time without completely taking you away from poker. A lot of your problem seems to be this feeling that your skills/smarts are being wasted at your job, and I think that even slow progress on a book would give you a feeling of accomplishment that you could parlay into other areas of your life. Seriously, even if you finish the book, decide it's horrible and throw it away, you've saved a ton of money and angst by avoiding online poker (and honestly, like I said, I do think there is a market for a story like this).

[luckyjimm]

[ QUOTE ]
I just wrote a long response, and I guess the page timed out and it got erased... So I'll shorten it here:

I didn't read ALL nine pages, but has anyone suggested that you write a book about your experience? I know you're not pissing away Stu Unger-like money, but to me, that's what makes your story so compelling -- it could apply to virtually any of us.

Your story is real and relatable, obviously of interest to poker players (hence the 9+ pages here), and probably even to non-gamblers. Your writing is clear, and you really do have an author's knack for noting and recalling details.

I don't even think you need to get all James Frey, making things up about heroin addiction and murdering nuns for poker money -- the small scale of your tale makes it a genuine human interest story (though if it got picked up, the publisher would probably make you add a climactic battle with Voldemort, or something). Plus, this forum is a great place to find anecdotes, quotes, and other supplementary content (always get permission, if you plan on getting it published).

Writing takes discipline, but it will also eat up a lot of that gambling time without completely taking you away from poker. A lot of your problem seems to be this feeling that your skills/smarts are being wasted at your job, and I think that even slow progress on a book would give you a feeling of accomplishment that you could parlay into other areas of your life. Seriously, even if you finish the book, decide it's horrible and throw it away, you've saved a ton of money and angst by avoiding online poker (and honestly, like I said, I do think there is a market for a story like this).

[/ QUOTE ]


Yes, that's something I'd love to do. Writing makes me feel better about myself; I feel I can only understand my own experience and take decisions in life through writing about them.

The time I currently spend railbirding high stakes games on Full Tilt would be much better spent working on my story.

The thing is, though, you go into a GA meeting and everyone has stories like mine; or much better. It would have to be my ability to write and examine rather than the extreme or unusual nature of my experiences which might my account worthwhile, as you say. My life really hasn't been very interesting, and I'm not particularly in debt. Since I never had any kind of a career, wasn't married, no dependents, no responsibilities, the devastation I could cause was strictly limited - though I caused myself and my family more than enough grief.

Actually, I just bought something which could be very helpful. Leaving work at 5.30pm today with money in my pocket, I felt lost. I had nothing to do. I tried texting half a dozen friends - nothing happening, no-one in town. I considered going back to the poker club where I virtually lived last year, because though I've closed down my account I would see familiar faces and could have a few beers and a chat. Or I could go to the second poker club, since although I handed in my membership card they never actually did close my Full Tilt account despite my asking them to. I'm sure they'd let me back in, seeing my "resignation" last month as being the impulsive act of someone the end of a bad losing session.

Or I could go to a strip club - though I didn't really have enough for that.

As someone with the tendency to get addicted, I like to go on binges - whether gambling, food, drugs, alcohol, porno. Losing the thrill of the binge and adjusting to the rhythms of a life whose dimensions aren't controlled by addictions is one of the hardest parts of "recovery" (not that I would ever use that word for myself... "taking a break" feels more apt").

I didn't feel I had enough money on me to particularly excite me about the idea of playing poker; for once, I thought I'd rather have the money for other things. So instead, I spent £25 at the supermarket including a couple of bottles of red wine and the ingredients to cook up a fantastic sauce with De Cecco pasta. And I called into a bookstore and bought Bringing down the House, about the MIT scam, together with - more importantly - this:

Losing Mariposa: The Memoir of a Compulsive Gambler by Doug Little

http://www.amazon.com/Losing-Mariposa-Me...5710&sr=8-1

I'm at home now, and have just started reading it. Looks good so far. I'd like over the next few weeks to just immerse myself in memoirs of addiction, particularly gambling addiction. When I was still on my PhD programme, I was particularly interested in biography and memoir. It would be great to tie all this together.

[VanHammersley]

I loved 'Bringing Down the House' -- what a great read (though, word of warning: it REALLY made me want to gamble). Hadn't heard of that other one, but I may check it out.

I see your point about your story maybe not being "big" enough for a book. But I don't know, maybe start with a magazine article or something. I think you could definitely find a place for a "small" addiction story that doesn't necessarily involve street-corner BJs and/or black-market organ sales.

Either way, it's a way to do something you're good at (writing) about something you're [pretty] good at (poker), while not losing a dime and possibly making a few dimes in freelance or nurturing a career.

Anyway, GL. Reading is actually a nice constructive time-killer, too -- I didn't think of that. And by the way, if ever anything was NOT worth the money, it's strippers. I would buy the rustproofing insurance for the extended warranty on a solar-powered flashlight before I'd spend $200 on a stripper (might as well just give the money directly to her coke dealer, then go have a wank* for free).

*British phrase used for your convenience.

[kiddcheckers]

do more cognitive behavioral. that stuff's the best.

[MelchyBeau]

He is not beating any compulsion. He lives the addicts lifestyle, He loves it. This man can't relate to anything other than being an addict. I refuse to have pity for this man, for that is what he wants. He does not want to quit, he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He does not listen to other peoples advice, and simply claims it is too hard.

I can't have pity for you, all I have is contempt. Why don't you try and fix your problems instead of romantisicing them.

[luckyjimm]

[ QUOTE ]
He is not beating any compulsion. He lives the addicts lifestyle, He loves it. This man can't relate to anything other than being an addict. I refuse to have pity for this man, for that is what he wants. He does not want to quit, he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He does not listen to other peoples advice, and simply claims it is too hard.

I can't have pity for you, all I have is contempt. Why don't you try and fix your problems instead of romantisicing them.

[/ QUOTE ]


Did you read my last posts? I haven't gambled in two days short of a month now.

[govman6767]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
He is not beating any compulsion. He lives the addicts lifestyle, He loves it. This man can't relate to anything other than being an addict. I refuse to have pity for this man, for that is what he wants. He does not want to quit, he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He does not listen to other peoples advice, and simply claims it is too hard.

I can't have pity for you, all I have is contempt. Why don't you try and fix your problems instead of romantisicing them.

[/ QUOTE ]


Did you read my last posts? I haven't gambled in two days short of a month now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't let em get to ya luck stick with it I'm pulling for ya

[EL Burro Loco]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
He is not beating any compulsion. He lives the addicts lifestyle, He loves it. This man can't relate to anything other than being an addict. I refuse to have pity for this man, for that is what he wants. He does not want to quit, he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He does not listen to other peoples advice, and simply claims it is too hard.

I can't have pity for you, all I have is contempt. Why don't you try and fix your problems instead of romantisicing them.

[/ QUOTE ]


Did you read my last posts? I haven't gambled in two days short of a month now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good for you Jimm.