BBV: Food poisoning

[Autocratic]

So I awoke this morning feeling fine, ready to go to work. Upon entering the bathroom I realized a strangely strong urge to take a dump. No matter, I figured, there is a toilet right here!

15 minutes later, I was sitting on the toilet, covered in sweat as my body temperature had risen about 10 degrees, desperately trying not to puke all over myself, and running cold water to splash all over my body so as not to collapse on the floor. In the past it was dumps like this that made me stop believing in God.

I have traced the culprit to 7/11, who produces terrible sandwiches that I sometimes get because I'm starving.

Beat: most unpleasant dump of my life
Brag: no work today holla
Variance: will spend the day losing money to afternoon grinders

[MFpoker]

if you can play poker then you must have a mild case. I once got some food poisoning from taco bell. mannnnnn it was so terrible. all i could do was poop, puke, and sleep for 2 days straight. I really thought I was going to die at one point.

[Autocratic]

[ QUOTE ]
if you can play poker then you must have a mild case. I once got some food poisoning from taco bell. mannnnnn it was so terrible. all i could do was poop, puke, and sleep for 2 days straight. I really thought I was going to die at one point.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's definitely not severe, it was just that 20 minutes or so of pure agony on the can, where I desperately needed to lie down, poop, puke, and hydrate at the same time.

[J_T_P]

if it was only one dump, more than likely not food poisoning. food poisoning usually results in at least a half day or more of pure ass pissing, and puking, and hopefully not both at the same time as that gets messy.

[Skoob]

A friend of mine got full blown salmonella poinsoning from some alfredo sauce at a pasta bar once. He was down for almost a month. Lost 25 pounds.

[Labarde]

[ QUOTE ]
if it was only one dump, more than likely not food poisoning. food poisoning usually results in at least a half day or more of pure ass pissing, and puking, and hopefully not both at the same time as that gets messy.

[/ QUOTE ]

"it was like a firehose on full blast shooting outta me at both ends mofucka! both ends!"

[time4adrank]

ive gotten food poisioning from mcdonalds before...
you have gotten very lucky.
i like couldn't do anything but [censored] and puke for a week.

[RoundGuy]

Only case of food poisoning I've experienced had me curled up on a hotel room bathroom floor for nearly 24 hours.

The happy hour buffet in the hotel bar had hot potato skins, and they kept the ranch dressing for dipping right next to the skins under the heat lamp

A few words of advice: never eat anything made with milk, eggs, or mayonnaise (dips, dressings, tartar sauce, etc.) that has been sitting under a heat lamp!

You can thank me later.

[Autocratic]

It appears this was not food poisoning. Or at least that it was not severe. I had a few more rough trips to the bathroom, but nothing like the first. After reading some graphic food poisoning trip reports, I feel this was too short lived. Probably a virus or something.

[youcanhaveitall]

LOL MAN I SWEAT WHEN I TAKE A DUMP EVERY MORNING.
FEEL SO GOOD WHEN U ARE DONE LOLZ