spanking (child discipline): a thought and a few questions?

[bwana devil]

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I am quite skeptical about this research, which strikes me generally as PC and perhaps agenda-driven. Link here:

http://faculty.biola.edu/paulp/spare_the_rod.htm

I don't purport to be an expert. And as I noted above, I've spanked exactly once in twelve kid-years -- and don't expect to again any time soon. But I do think it potentially has value. I likewise think the conclusion that it is "lazy" is utter crap. If used every day, I agree -- but not if used seldomly and parenting is thoughtful, careful, and loving.

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it is lazy parenting in that spanking will get quick results but can have long lasting negative consequences and using time outs and other forms of creative discipline can be hard work and time consuming. it may take research to read, trial and error, observation, learning what your child likes so you can reward him/her.

there is some research that demonstrates that mild spanking under certain conditions arent associated with long term negative affects in children. i dont trust the average parent to know, learn or research exactly what conditions it may not be detrimental to spank their children. researchers argue about where that line is or even if one exists.

we know so many other tools that arent detrimental to the development of children. why not take the time to learn how to properly use those?

[boomshakalaka]

my sister has a 3 year old and is really bad with him. They live my mom and she is like a kid herself. She absolutely flips out about the stupidest stuff. If they order food for example and they get back home to eat it, something is wrong with her order and instead of trying to rectify the problem she flips out. Shell throw it away and storm off screaming that her stuff always gets [censored] up. My nephew obviously grew up around this and had been fine until the last few months. Now he will flip out for no apparent reason, come to find out after talking to him for a couple minutes he just wanted someone to hold his hand, or he wanted help opening his juice box. Its really sad because his brain is now wired to just flip out when something goes wrong instead of easily solving his problems. Another thing hes been doing is when he gets upset he'll scream "LEAVE ME ALONE!" a trade mark of my sisters when my mom is trying in vein to help solve her stupid little problem. Then theres the hitting, she hits him way too much. But thats not the worst part, the worst is that she threatens too do it way way way too much, and so he realize most of the time it wont even go down, so then it becomes a vicious cycle of him doing more stuff and her threatening/following through more.

oh did I mention, she has a 3 month old now too. **sigh**..

[PanchoVilla]

My mom used spanking on my brother and I. I expect that I will do the same. If done the right way, I think it is very effective. Getting a spanking usually took at least 20 mins as we always had to talk about why we were getting a spanking and what we had done wrong, etc, etc. She had the "Rod of Correction". It actually said that on the thing.

Funny thing is I wish she had kept that as the preferred punishment method. When we got old enough that she switched to grounding we practically begged for spankings....... The problem is there are way too many people that think spanking = hitting/beating. It blows me away the way I see some kids behave today. I swear my butt would still be red today if I did some of the things I have seen kids do.

The worst is seeing kids scream and tell their parents no. I think I probably told my mom no maybe once. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] (my mom raised us, dad passed early on and mom never remarried)

Nice one with the threatened bear homicide Howard, that was hilarious. I will have to remember that one.