Friend came clean about gambling problem last night...I'm worried

[azaycriz]

Our group of friends knows he is a compulsive gambler, but all of us have some level of degeneracy, so nobody seriously tries to stop him. We joke about it, take trips to Vegas, bet on sports, have drinks, play cards, and laugh like everything is cool.

While driving him home last night, he confided in me how serious his gambling has become. I'm 23, and he's 24 years old, and ever since college, he's been losing money playing black jack. The last I had heard him tell me was that he was $15k in debt.

Last night he told me he's $60k in credit card debt, and he's been lying to his parents and grandmother, convincing them to co-sign for school related loans, but in reality, taking loans out 100% in their names and gambling with it.

He makes probably ~$38k a year pre-tax, seems to be fully self-aware of his problems and how it affects everyone, but for some reason just cannot stop.

Now I'm worried. I don't know how many people he's told about the true severity of his situation, but now that I know, I feel a responsibility to do something...but what? On one hand, it's not my business and he's a grown man. On the other, I can seriously see this leading to suicide if he stays on this path. I mostly listened to him on the drive home, but I did try to give some advice (I have been telling him to stop the -EV since College but he doesn't listen). Basically my final advice was that neither myself nor any of our friends really know what to tell him, and that his best bet is to see a trained professional to help him get his life together. (But I don't know anything about shrinks, really). We've talked about GA in the past too, but I don't think he believes it will work, causing him not to persue it.

He said he may look into seeing a professional, but I'm worried that if his insurance doesn't cover something like that, he won't do it.

What's a friend like me supposed to do here?

Thanks for any input.

[jedi]

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On one hand, it's not my business and he's a grown man.

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He's your friend and he just told you about his potentially life threatening problem. That makes it your business. Stage an intervention. Make sure his parents and grandmother know so they don't get suckered into cosigning any more loans.

Force him to cancel all his online gambling accounts if he has them. It's way easier to be a degenerate from the comfort of your home (as I'm sure most of us are aware of).

Seeking a professional is good advice. Hope he takes it.

[PLOlover]

I think it was the sopranos an episode where everybody knows a guy is gonna get wacked so they all go borrow money from him knowing they won't have to pay it back.

[Transference]

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What's a friend like me supposed to do here?

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The best thing you can do is help him with research. Help him find out how to contact a professional, which ones he has the resources to see, and whether they will be helpfull for him.

Its hard to admit you need help and harder to admit that you need professional help. When someones dealing with those dilmeas the best thing they can have is a freind to help them make prudent decisions that results in them getting the best possible assistance.

[Transference]

[ QUOTE ]

He's your friend and he just told you about his potentially life threatening problem. That makes it your business. Stage an intervention. Make sure his parents and grandmother know so they don't get suckered into cosigning any more loans.

Force him to cancel all his online gambling accounts if he has them. It's way easier to be a degenerate from the comfort of your home (as I'm sure most of us are aware of).

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this is a terrible idea. OP isnt equipped to fix the situation for him. If he did this he would be over his head and the intervention would be ineffective at best and potentially destructive.

[reup]

hes addicted to the lure of the quick buck, until he deals with that he'll tread water.

[azaycriz]

[ QUOTE ]
hes addicted to the lure of the quick buck, until he deals with that he'll tread water.

[/ QUOTE ]

QFT

How does an addict of this nature learn the true value of a dollar?

[CrazyLond]

There is no logical reason for him to be opposed to attending a GA meeting if he truly wants to stop. Unfortunately, many people do not want to stop that or any other addictive behavior until they are completely unable to deal with their problems. The initial step must be a desire to stop. Let him know of resources like GA which have helped other people to stop, but until he is willing to give it an honest effort, there is little that can be done. I would not actively oppose him gambling, as this could lead to anger or backlash from him. If you cannot stand to see him go further and further into that dark pit of despair, then stop being friends. Explain that watching his self-destruction is something you cannot cope with. This may, in fact, lead him to that desire to stop, as losing a friend is something physically lost which may hurt him more than simply losing money. The bottom line is, you cannot fix his problem. Maybe a doctor or support group can, but they will not do so until he seeks them out of his own accord.

[Hoi Polloi]

If I were in your position I would not know what to do. I think I would seek out GA or another resource to counsel me about how to help my friend. We all have heard that the guy with problem has to decide to change his behavior before anything can really happen. The question is how can you and your friends help him get there. I would try to talk with someone who has experience in these issues to help me understand what the best approaches might be.

Good luck.

[MelchyBeau]

your school most likely has free counsciling services, I would suggest that you make him go there