Need a joke for essay

[KingGordy]

I'm writing a satirical essay about marital relations, and I think it would be good to open with an anecdote/joke. Ideally it would be a couple sentences to a paragraph or two long, and would just be a general observation regarding the dynamics of husband/wife relationships. It should be reasonablly clean, doesn't have to be terribly funny, but hopefully doesn't suck either. Any suggestions?

[Layzie]

there is a whole thread of jokes around here

[sfcard]

Not sure if it's what you're looking for, but this came to mind.
http://www.ushistory.org/franklin/quotable/quote31.htm

[youtalkfunny]

NEVER open with a joke.

If the audience doesn't laugh, you've lost them for good.

[gamblore99]

[ QUOTE ]
Not sure if it's what you're looking for, but this came to mind.
http://www.ushistory.org/franklin/quotable/quote31.htm

[/ QUOTE ]

these quotes are terrible. Most quotes are terrible and unnecessary, unless they are from an expert on the subject.

[sfcard]

Take it easy. It is supposed to be a satire, and it seemed like a lighthearted quote might work. Next time I'll link a data set.

[NutzyClutz]

I miss my ex. But my aim is improving

[Los Feliz Slim]

"My wife said she wanted to go somewhere she'd never been on vacation. I said try the kitchen!"

"You know why divorces cost so much? They're worth it!"

Both Jackie Mason

also found these:

[ QUOTE ]

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
-Woody Allen.



"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
-Rodney Dangerfield.



"Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
-Robin Williams.



"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people
remembering the same thing."
-Duane Dewel.



"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one
that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
-Helen Rowland



"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America...
The rest cheat in Europe."
-Jackie Mason



"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the
hope of pulling out an eel."
-Leonardo Di Vinci.




"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like
and give her a house."
-Lewis Grizzard.



"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to
whom it may concern."
-Mickey Rooney.



"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-Rodney Dangerfield.




"The difference between divorce and legal separation
is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
-Johnny Carson

[/ QUOTE ]

[bwana devil]

ive heard this one but dont know if the peole who said it are accurate.

dr ruth asked ozzy osborne if he talks to his wife during sex. he said, "only if she calls."

bwana

[eviljeff]

make the reader sign a prenup before reading