Breaking up with a long-term girlfriend - Page 6

mosdef · #51 05-06-2007, 07:15 PM

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Maybe misunderstood but she rarely drinks but those times when she does are bad.

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Here's an important thing to remember about alcohol: it's a disinhibiting drug. In other words, if she's a lunatic when drunk she's actually a lunatic all the time but she's just holding it back when sober.

Bad drunks are just bad people exposed.

MitchL · #52 05-06-2007, 07:27 PM

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Maybe misunderstood but she rarely drinks but those times when she does are bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

Here's an important thing to remember about alcohol: it's a disinhibiting drug. In other words, if she's a lunatic when drunk she's actually a lunatic all the time but she's just holding it back when sober.

Bad drunks are just bad people exposed.

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Also, just bc someone doesnt drink all the time doesnt mean they arent alcoholic. She goes off the deep end everytime you guys fight. That is not social or normal drinking. Her behavior and/or coping mechanisms are out of whack and she will not change as long as you stay with her, bc that essentially signifies your approval of said behavior.

TripSearching · #53 05-06-2007, 07:57 PM

I just skipped down to the bottom but the fact that there is no picture of ex girlfriend means you do not get any of my wisdom

kylephilly · #54 05-06-2007, 11:09 PM

I ended a 4 year relationship.

It's tough, but honesty to yourself and her are your best bets

MicroBob · #55 05-07-2007, 12:26 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Maybe misunderstood but she rarely drinks but those times when she does are bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

Here's an important thing to remember about alcohol: it's a disinhibiting drug. In other words, if she's a lunatic when drunk she's actually a lunatic all the time but she's just holding it back when sober.

Bad drunks are just bad people exposed.

[/ QUOTE ]

Also, just bc someone doesnt drink all the time doesnt mean they arent alcoholic. She goes off the deep end everytime you guys fight. That is not social or normal drinking. Her behavior and/or coping mechanisms are out of whack and she will not change as long as you stay with her, bc that essentially signifies your approval of said behavior.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think there is a very good chance that if she's doing stuff like this at 22 she might just get worse.
Everyone wants to think, "they didn't really mean it. they can really get better." But after enough tries of not getting better you have to recognize that it simply might not happen.

If friends are mentioning to you that it's THAT bad then she is probably way higher on the psycho-scale than you are imagining.

There are actually nice girls out there who are only 'so-so' on the psycho-scale (some might even be a little bit less...go figure).

Josem · #56 05-07-2007, 01:44 AM

post her myspace page (or equivalent) here and let OOT do the breaking up for you.

jackal47 · #57 05-07-2007, 08:11 AM

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Just break up with her. If she's self-destructive that's her business. Seriously, even if she's threatened stuff like that there's a very small chance she'd follow through. If you're really concerned tell her parents/friends whatever and let them deal with it.

Chances? If you don't like how she's acting and want to break up with her then you should break up with her. Nothing about chances or feeling wrong. If you want to break up then that's good enough.

Life's too short to stay in bad relationships too long because you feel bad about breaking up or trapped in it by manipulation or whatever. It won't be easy but just do it and when you find a chick that actually makes you happy enough that you don't have to put up with tons of BS and don't feel like breaking up with her (you'll, in fact, want to stay with her for a long time) you'll thank yourself.

Every day you spend in a bad relationship is another day's drain on your sanity and another day of missed opportunity finding a chick that'll actually make you happy.

edit: also there's the fact that you guys started going out at 18. People develop and change a lot from 18. It's normal to drift apart from the friends/girlfriends you had at 18 as you get older and each go your separate ways. Chances are excellent you'll just keep drifting further apart from her. Just end it now.

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This is sound advice from someone who hasa been there, and as someone who has been there too, I second it.

It will be hard to do, but it sounds like it has to be done, and whatever she does afterwards to herself is not your business.

GL

HYG · #58 05-07-2007, 01:36 PM

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Get drunk and kill her.

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winner

jaybee_70 · #59 05-07-2007, 06:53 PM

Jason,
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what do you do if think that she'll be self destructive after?

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What evidence do you have that she might do something to harm herself? I had a friend who broke up with a girlfriend who later threatened and then did take her own life. Very bad situation and shook my friend up pretty bad, but I think he handled it a lot better than most people would have. If she is truly unstable it is one more reason to break up now, but if there is a real threat she may harm herself seek professional help for yourself.

Joe

sethypooh21 · #60 05-07-2007, 07:08 PM

MitchL's advice in this thread is very good. I'd add that though they are related, the drinking and the crappy relationship are separate issues, and trying to solve the first won't solve the second. (And I believe that the professionals will tell you that trying solve the alcohol while continuing the relationship is, at best, counterproductive.)

If she's going to "bottom-out" when/if you break up, it's going to happen anyway, and the longer it gets put off, the worse it will be.

If you are lucky you'll be able to say something like "this isn't working, and I can't be with you anymore. Plus, you have a problem and should get help" and have it stick. But if it doesn't, it's not on you.

Of course, we're only hearing half the story, so it's not clear what fault, if any, lies with you. Not that that matters.