Destructive gambler asks "How do I quit poker?"

[luckyjimm]

Payday on Friday just gone, I deposit $600 into Party. Two hours later I have $1500 from playing $1/$2 and $2/$4. I think to myself "Why the hell don't I go home? I have won enough." In fact I've won over a week's net wages. I could have gone home, watched a film, or called up some friends, etc.

Two hours after that, I've lost all $1500 and another $200 from my bank account.

The next morning I phone GamCare, the helpline for compulsive gamblers, and articulately explain the trap in which I'm caught. They give me a number to arrange to come in for free counselling.

I spend the afternoon drinking beer in my room and watching the film 'Death Wish'.

5pm Saturday I'm back at the poker club (for only the second time in five weeks, having told myself to stop coming here). I see dozens of people I know, and enjoy the social atmosphere and cameraderie. "Hey, this is great!" I think. "I'm having more fun here for $50 than last night when I put $800 online." But I bust my $50, miss my last tube home because I still have some money in my account, end up borrowing $50 from someone I know, and when I eventually bust I have to get a couple of nightbuses home. Also someone offers me a cigarette and despite having given up five weeks ago I take it, and spend the rest of the night bumming cigarettes from other people.

I'm not in bed till 5.20am; and I've agreed to work Sunday for the middle-aged lady I live with, who runs her own business, having promised her I'd get a good night's sleep and be ready to start at 10am. I drink a beer to knock myself out, set my alarm for 9.40am, and sure enough am able to do the day's work, though she knows exactly how late I got to bed since I had to reset the burglar alarm.

Since she paid me, I now have $200 I can put into Party tonight. How does this cycle ever end?

[Erik Blazynski]

Re: CBT therapist. Sounds like this was helpful, and that you are right on when you say "But I kept on telling him I couldn't become better unless I dealt with problems with women, with my childhood self-image, etc"

All behavior is derived from belief. Change your belief and so to does your behavior change. Your beliefs about yourself and the world are derived from your experiences. I would encourage you to find someone that will help you explore your beliefs, and the experiences from which these beliefs are derived. You can then work to change these beliefs and achieve lasting change in your world.

Good Luck
-Erik

[MelchyBeau]

email party and tell them that you have a gambling addiction and wish your account locked. They will do it quickly

[luckyjimm]

[ QUOTE ]
email party and tell them that you have a gambling addiction and wish your account locked. They will do it quickly

[/ QUOTE ]


Mmm, but then I'll put the money into Bodog, or Mansion, or Pacific, or PokerStars, etc. It'd be like the alcoholic doing nothing more than banning himself from his favourite pub. I need to work to find other things in life rewarding.

Last night I went and spunked the $200, and didn't even get to spin up - just lost it within half an hour. I could have gone swimming after work - I have my kit here. I could have gone to a cinema or eaten at a nice restaurant. But while I've the chance to gamble, it seems, I'll always take it.

I think the fundamental problem I have is to do with women. I gave up on them years ago; I stopped even trying to meet them. I stopped taking care of myself or keeping fit; I let myself put on weight and became a glutton. I have an internalised view that I'm not attractive, not a sexual being, and will always be rejected by anyone I care for. I feel so [censored] about my body I don't even have the self-esteem to visit hookers. Gambling my money away, ironically, is safer than addressing this. But where will it end?

[luckyjimm]

Just posted this to another thread, got me thinking:

Blessed:

- Born in the UK not far from London.
- Happily-married parents who love & support me
- Grew up in middle class lifestyle
- Great brother
- Family always had a dog
- Intelligent & witty, get on with people and make friends
easily - skills learnt from my parents.
- Good-looking face if only I lost weight
- Figure would actually not be that bad if I kept in shape
- Not going to go bald as my father hasn't
- Don't need to wear glasses

Cursed:

- Not born into upper-class family; didn't go to private
school. Didn't have a trust fund dammit.
- Overly supportive, unconditionally-loving mother meant I
never tried hard at anything as I would always have her
approval.
- Deaf in right ear due to childhood measles
- Bit of a lisp, makes some people think I'm gay I'M NOT!!!!
- Fat gene; put on weight easily. Being greedy makes it
worse.
- Body dysmorphia, uncomfortable with intimacy, no self
esteem = inability to form relationships. No
girlfriends, no love, just misery and jerking off.
- Lazy, dissatisfied.
- Addictive personality - alcohol problems in past,
gambling problem now.
- No good at learning languaghes
- Get sunburnt rather than suntanned

Most of the "curses" seem self-inflicted.

[J Chap]

Hey, man, I want to talk you.

I haven't played online poker or logged into 2+2 in over a year. It took me forever to log in just now, because i couldn't even remember my log-in name or password.

But, your post (and the previous ones leading up to it, including the long one from 2005) have been enough to convince me to log in and speak up.

I want to help you replace poker with a new addiction: creativity. I'll be glad to show you how I did it, every step of the way.

I used to play pretty compulsively, lots of all-nighters and wasted opportunities to be with friends and girls and girlfriends and all that. I can relate to you. But now, I'm addicted to creating, and it feels awesome. Anyway, I have a lot that I want to talk to you about, man. If you're even vaguely interested, please send me an e-mail. I'm jeremy [at] jeremyslife.com. Just make it quick, like 'hey, it's luckyjimm from 2+2.'

I really look forward to hearing from you, man.

[Ralph Wiggum]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
email party and tell them that you have a gambling addiction and wish your account locked. They will do it quickly

[/ QUOTE ]
Mmm, but then I'll put the money into Bodog, or Mansion, or Pacific, or PokerStars, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]
As soon as I read this, part of me wanted to tell you to just shut up. Your OP shows you've obviously had a moment of clarity. Know that it won't last, and you'll have days where you'll want to gamble, so at least change your situation to make it so you have a higher chance of changing.

Otherwise, it's like how fat people tell themselves they'll eat better & exercise regularly on New Year's, but they still go drive to McDonald's for meals & buy cookies when grocery shopping, or they don't prioritize working out over drinking w/ their co-workers after work. "I'll buy the McDonalds salad, or I'll just have one cookie at time, or I'll work out after drinking." Make a change in your lifestyle.

If nothing else, take this moment of clarity to change your accessibility to gambling. If you have multiple accounts, it's easy to go to all the sites & say you're a gambling addict & you want to be locked out from their sites. Now that's a few more places you can't play. You could probably just e-mail all the sites & ban yourself ahead of time. At least make some sort of attempt at change by your actions & not just your words.

[Colonel Ingus]

There's always gambling court.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/01/ny.../01gamble.html

[glorfindel]

I'm an alcoholic, and a member of AA. All 12 step programs (GA, AA, NA, etc), if they are to succeed, first require you to completely submit to step 1. For me, that meant admitting and knowing that I was powerless over alcohol and discarding all rationalizations about how I could quit drinking if I wanted, or if I did this or that. The 12 step programs succeed for individuals who recognize this, work the steps, and seek help from other group members.

From your descriptions of yourself, I believe that step 1 may be true for you. If you sincerely want to stop gambling, I encourage you to attend GA with an open mind and open heart, talk to experienced 12 steppers, get a sponsor, study the literature, and humbly and honestly examine yourself as you relate to step 1. If you find through rigorous self-examination that you are indeed powerless over gambling, then commit to working the steps with the help of other group members and you will stop gambling - that's a promise.

[luckyjimm]

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, man, I want to talk you.

I haven't played online poker or logged into 2+2 in over a year. It took me forever to log in just now, because i couldn't even remember my log-in name or password.

But, your post (and the previous ones leading up to it, including the long one from 2005) have been enough to convince me to log in and speak up.

I want to help you replace poker with a new addiction: creativity. I'll be glad to show you how I did it, every step of the way.

I used to play pretty compulsively, lots of all-nighters and wasted opportunities to be with friends and girls and girlfriends and all that. I can relate to you. But now, I'm addicted to creating, and it feels awesome. Anyway, I have a lot that I want to talk to you about, man. If you're even vaguely interested, please send me an e-mail. I'm jeremy [at] jeremyslife.com. Just make it quick, like 'hey, it's luckyjimm from 2+2.'

I really look forward to hearing from you, man.

[/ QUOTE ]


Shows how jaded you are, I thought you were going to say "I want to help you replace poker with a new addiction: crack"!

I wish I was creative but I think I am too afraid; I'd need to get past that. I don't have an imaginative brain but I do write well about myself. In college I took courses in creative writing & experimental poetry & really enjoyed that. I have friends who are very creative, as artists, sculptors, musicians etc, and I wish I was like them.

I guess what I'm sceptical of is how being creative can suppress and halt destructive behaviour. I suppose even if it can't, you at least get to make something of value out of your misery!