Spending lots of money on a girlfriend

[TheJackyl]

I have been going out with my GF for 8 months or so now. In the beginning I was just like you. I paid for everything no matter where it was. I wouldn't let her spend a nickel. She would always ask to pay and tell me that I should let her at least split it and I would always refuse. We are going on a cruise in a month (already paid for of course that we split). And when shelling out all the money for this, it left me a bit broke for about a month. I told her we shouldnt go out as much and then we had a talk about it and we decided it woudl be much better if I let her split things. And since then we split most things, and she doesnt mind. It actually makes her appreciate when I cover everything a little bit more. Its much easier to talk to your gf, she wont like you less because you dont pay for everything for her... and if she does, then you need to find a new gf

[Dry Riser]

OP just relax. If your relationship has a future you should be able to tell her how you feel, and she will understand. there is no simplified 50/50 split formula for relationships (despite what some of the responses in this thread may suggest), so it really depends on what type of girl she is as to whether she expects you to keep taking her away so expensively. having read your 2 posts i dont think she is that type of girl. If you two really like each other than who pays for what should be the least of your worries.

[Big Poppa Smurf]

Pasterbator,

[ QUOTE ]
To answer a few Q's: No, im not afraid that if i stop paying for things she will not like me. As an aside, i heard from a friend that one of my boys said to her "so you probably just like jay for his money" and she slapped him in the face.

So thats nice.


[/ QUOTE ]

that's awesome

[StevieG]

Pasterbator,

How tall are you?

[Blarg]

If you are wondering whether money matters in your relationship, you're in the wrong relationship.

There is a world full of wh*res about whom you could be asking the exact same questions.

You should find out the answers to these questions sooner rather than later.

You're f*cked and a coward if you don't, and god help you.

Try honesty. Tell her you enjoy her being happy, but this crazy spending is a strain and/or doesn't make you feel right. If you get lucky, she will break up with you quickly. If you get very lucky, she will accept it and say, whatever, we don't have to spend so much all the time. And mean it and follow through on it by not sulking or striking up mysterious arguments that are just as mysteriously solved by presents and other indulgences if you can't live the high life more than occasionally.

You need to find these things out way earlier in the relationship, btw. Not after you've dumped thousands and are planning dumping thousands more. $1200 for her birthday? WTF. Even the truly rich should have better sense than to blow their money like that. It sets a terrible precedent and is likely to unduly influence anyone's behavior. Can you afford to have your love life based on false premises -- like she loves you when she really just loves your money?

Find out the difference. It's way overdue. Though if you have to be told, it may not be in you to find out.

Jesus Christ, you're a college junior for crissake. What the hell are you doing spending that kind of money on some chick? Do you have any idea how many girls would be all over you just for being a reasonably cool guy without blowing asinine wads of cash? If not, you should really find out f*cking fast. Holy sh*t.

[econophile]

[ QUOTE ]
If you are wondering whether money matters in your relationship, you're in the wrong relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

Or he could just be inexperienced. He just needs to adjust to sharing expenses and things should be fine.

[Blarg]

Obviously he's inexperienced. Whether he'll be happy in the short-term is at issue, and it's not all all certain things will be fine. But finding out as soon as possible is always the best thing.

With enough money, everybody loves you.

Except it's not love.

This sounds like a good learning experience for OP, and like maybe most of those great learning experience, this one might well be painful and suck a lot.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
Its easy to offer to pay for something when you know you arent going to have to.

[/ QUOTE ]

Heed these words and save yourself a lot of pain over the years.

[Yo Adrians!]

Two ways to look at things, and I like a mixture of the two:

1) You're young, the relationship is new, and you two DIG having a good time together. And if that means doing nice dinners, going on trips and big nights out, hell yeah, do it!

2) There's nothing wrong with spending a few nights in, watching movies, eating on the cheap/making dinners, chatting for lengths of time over many cups of coffee, playing games, etc.

I like a balance between the two - and if she's not into you when you aren't spending the money, well, right then, you know what you have.

Balance is a good thing, my friend. But I don't see anything wrong with living it up with a girl you're really into - provided she's really into you, and that it doesn't matter what you're doing, as long as you're doing it together.

FWIW, my wife and I have been married for almost seven years and have been together for about 11. I spent more money on dinners, trips, outings, etc., in the first nine months than I did probably the next three years combined. Sometimes that's how it goes [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm rich and I like to date poor girls so I'm always shelling out the benjamins.

Generally I think that's cool - but it definitely does get her accustomed to it and puts you in a bad spot if you don't want to keep doing it.

BTW another factor that's maybe not mentioned - you can totally waste a lot of time & money in a relationship doing this too. As long as you're shelling out and taking a lot of trips and stuff you're having a great time together. Then you start to settle down and realize you don't really like each other after all and you've just wasted a year and a ton of cash.

[/ QUOTE ]

Everyone likes you when you're spending. If they don't like you even when you're spending, you're doomed and you'll sure as hell know it. The problem with just spending and enjoying your happiness there is that it's best just for banging chicks. If you REALLY want to find a chick to be with for a while who likes you, you need to stop wasting time with that sh*t and find out right away what she's like so you stop wasting your time.

It's not money that you necessarily worry about at all, so having enough money doesn't figure in. It's the expenditure of TIME, precious, sweet creamy time, and emotional energy that matters. Who gives a crap that you have enough money. You're still a moron if all you let it do is trap you in your own self-indulgence and fear to find out. Being too afraid to find out, no matter how you dress it up and call it other names, is a recipe for unhappiness.