Extreme mental block - Inability to study

[AlfilRey]

I'm 19, studying 1st year Law in Ireland. Last year I failed about half my subjects, so this year I'm repeating the course. Once again, I'm not applying myself, and I've no real interest in the college scene.

I don't want to drop out because my alternatives aren't overly appealing. I learnt poker about 2 years ago, and started playing seriously last year. In the 7-8 months, when I started playing higher stakes, and took up PL Omaha...I've made about $100k. I think I am good enough to have a comfortable yearly income from poker for the next few years at least. Unfortunately, I don't derive all that much satisfaction from playing, detest the idea of being a professional and poker bruises my ego/self-esteem on a daily basis, as well as resulting in mood swings that I find hard to balance with everyday life. The main problem I have is that because I am not all that passionate about it, I don’t view it as a possible career choice, and the last thing I want is to be a pro until say the age of 23-24, and then have to do the whole “mature college student” thing. In fact it’s not even that I worry about how awkward it would be, but more that I feel it’s very unlikely that I would go back at all…leaving me with no college education, two failed 1st years, no proper “real world” work experience, and at best a few hundred thousand to show for it, at worst bankruptcy.

The point of all that rambling is to explain why I don’t feel like I have any choice other than to go into college and try to pass 1st year, and grind out the next few years. I am able to take breaks from poker for weeks at a time so although I struggle coping psychologically with poker when I play, it’s not gonna directly interfere between now and the summer exams as I am able to just not play at all for the two months until the college exams are over. I feel if I work from now until then quite hard, I stand a very good shot of passing, despite not having gone to the lectures and not having handed in the assignments.

My problem is that I find this task pretty much impossible. I find that I have become ridiculously lazy, not willing to subject my mind to any tough or tedious concepts. A lot of the time when I play poker it’s almost my subconscious mind that is guiding me through the moves, and although its tiring and stressful, it’s a very different mental activity than say reading a law book.

I would say I am an above average intelligence person, but the phobia that I have for just sitting down and putting in the hours reading, the inability to focus, the inability to take in this new information is an extremely serious concern. Sure, I can go into college and sit down in a chair in the library, pick up a few books or notes and read them. Absorbing the information within them and being disciplined enough to do this 5-6 days a week is what I am finding impossible to do.

I am not sure if this apparent mental block of mine is because I hate my course (I’m more of a science kind of guy, so I made a wrong choice in course), my situation (I wish I had been allowed to take a year off when I was 17, to pursue other interests like chess/poker/travelling rather than be forced into rushing into college) or perhaps the effect of playing lots of poker/online chess / mental games which feed your brain like a sort of drug and seem to have done damage to my concentration span / interest in other mental activities.


At this stage it just feels like some sort of mental disease, rather than just simple laziness / lack of motivation. I mean I’m pretty lazy but I’m still able to put in the work on some things, and I lack day-to-day motivation but I think I appreciate how bad the consequences of not studying will be, if I fail this year.

Lastly, there’s another obvious option…which would be to drop out of Law, and take up a different degree. My problem with this is that I will have wasted 2 years of my life rather than just the one, and to be honest there’s no college course that I find particularly appealing/interesting. I think the real problem lies in my inability to concentrate/study/put in academic work. I’m not ready to drop out and go back to do some other course, and find myself in a similar spot a few years down the road, only 21 or 22 years of age instead.

Cliff Notes:

1. 19 y.o. repeating 1st Year Law in college.
2. Between choice of dropping out / scraping a degree, prefers second choice.
3. However, finds it impossible to concentrate / put in the work required to pass.

[schusch]

i think i know what you mean,iam in a situation which has some things in common with yours.Iam also studying,iam 20 and iam not very motivated at all,i dont really believe that i'll do it.But honestly, i mean if i would earn 100k in 7-8 months i wouldnt [censored] care about it..i mean,at least in Austria you can go to college everytime you want, they dont check whos coming/going.
Anyways,i cant tell you what to do against the lack of motivation as i'am probably suffering more or the less the same faith...but i can advice you to use a program called Neuro Programmer,i enjoy it much while playing or while learning,its free for 15days and not very expensive for a guy with 100k [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img].
I dont know much about your social situation, but it sounds, for me, like you should focus on that one, if iam wrong, please correct me.

But maybe you can give me some tipps on poker as well [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img],iam playing on PP and its every time the same..i have a small bankroll, stack it up to 5,6 times until i break and fall down, i dont get it what iam doing wrong,i mean im not changing stackes or my style but i begin to lose..for e.g. now i startet with about 40dollars..went up to 290 and iam down again to 120, all within 1week.Well and iam playing with own made loss/win/time-limits but i just dont get it!?

Looking forward for your response,especially what you are thinking about NP2.I forgot to write above...maybe you should just sit down and think about what you really want and make yourself some goals, but make em smallball,like 2-3months which is really possible.

[killphilNI]

Sleep more
Go to bed at a decent hour
Get up in the am
Play less poker
Get your priorities straight

[Vraket]

I didn't read your entire post because it's pretty long and I've got plenty to read tonight anyway.

My advice is, wherever you come from, move!

I didn't see wheter or not you're studying in the city where you've been raised, but I had the same problem as you. I just couldn't study. My solution was to leave everything and move 650km's to the south.

Gl and don't think of the time you've lost as wasted. Some people are ready for college when they're 18, some aren't ready until they turn 25!

[AlfilRey]

Schusch,

What I’m lacking is probably not as much motivation as inability. I understand what’s at stake, and I am trying to work to achieve what I know is my priority. Before, I thought maybe poker was having an effect on my college, but now other than surfing 2+2 occasionally, I don’t do anything poker-related. I don’t play online and I don’t play live. I will go back to poker in the summer after my exams.

Here in Ireland they don’t check who’s coming/going either, but that isn’t my concern. Even if they don’t know / punish me for not turning up to class, I will still miss out on key information and WILL be punished come exam time.

Thanks for the Neuro Programmer link, although I have my reservations. In that sense I’m oldfashioned, and I feel like I can probably solve my own mental issues in a more natural manner. Still…I’ll use the free trial and let you know how it goes.

Regarding my social situation, it’s not really the problem. Sure, it could/should be better, but I do have friends, go out, etc. I am lacking friends in my Law course, which is unfortunate, but then again it’s a logical product of my lack of attendance. I’m sure if I started going to classes regularly I would get to know a few of the students there better. Either way, I don’t think that my social situation and my current “mental block” are closely linked.

With regards to your own poker skills, I can’t really help you out. I have quite an odd style of play and a lot of what I have made has come using my unconventional style. In other words, what makes me a better player than a lot of others is my weird originality, but I am a terrible teacher and find it hard to give any simple incisive tips. For example, I was recently teaching a friend of mine who knows only the rules of poker and very basic hand rankings/strategy and it was really quite tough for me to rationalise all my thought processes. Especially since some of them are no doubt flawed. This is why I recommend you look at the No limit forums on 2+2, as there are people with far better and more coherent views on poker that can help you out there.

I suppose if you want a few tips, here they are (off the top of my head).

1. Don’t get involved in marginal situations with players you don’t have a good read on.
2. Don’t play too many tables at once while you’re in the learning process. Multi-tabling is best left for reaping the rewards / putting in the hands than for improving.
3. Don’t defend your blinds too much. If a player is being overly aggressive then yes you will have to play back at him, but I used to have the frame of mind that when everyone folded to the button or SB and they raised, that they were on a stone cold steal. This is a terrible mentality, and you must strike a balance. However, between leaning towards overly loose when defending your BB or overly tight, I think overly tight is less bad, especially at your low limits where players are probably going to stack off more easily so more good spots will come your way, meaning there isn’t as much pressure to take marginal EV spots.
4. Always practice good game selection. The main note you should be writing on players should be simple and effective like “fish – too tight” or “maniac – overly aggressive” or “calling station – never bluff”. At your stakes you should be able to find a large % of players who fit these easily exploitable descriptions. In time you will be sitting down with one player or another that you have a note on quite often, and this will help you in your game selection.
5. Think about poker – I’m sure there’s been plenty of threads on 2+2 about this, and it’s self explanatory. The more you think about poker, the more concepts that you will analyse and good ideas will come to you, etc.
6. Maybe play a softer site, and higher stakes – I don’t really know about PP, as I have barely ever played there, but I think something like the Pokerstars $0.50/$1 game is tougher than $2/4 games on other networks. You’re European. Why don’t you try some European networks, such as Playtech? The level is quite weak and you will almost certainly win more there. Also, the rake is disgraceful at the lower stakes relative to the size of the average pot / expected win rate. To be honest, if you can beat those games so convincingly that it's worth your while, you're probably better off playing MSNL exercising very strict game selection than grinding at $0.25/$0.50 or whatever.
7. On a final note, I think PP is a horrible site and the reason I don’t play there is because when I did, the stuff that happened to me was surreal. I mean I’ve played on maybe 10 different networks in the last year, but the [censored] that I saw on PP was a disgrace. Also, I built $10 promotion up to $2,800 a few months after learning the game within 3 days and then asked to cash out. They wouldn’t let me, and indeed froze my account. I was allowed, however, to play on it. They just froze my cashier. They gave me no reason why, and when I sent them an email they didn’t reply. Now I had planned on cashing out about $2,200-$2,300 and playing with the rest. Instead, I ended up playing with my whole bankroll while waiting for a reply. Incredibly, in the space of an hour, I flopped 3 sets at $2/4 NL on a 3-of-the-same-suit flop vs 1 opponent to the flop each time. The three of them had flopped a flush. I never improved, and a string of ridiculous beats later I ended up busting my account. Then, after like 3 or 4 days of no response from them, I get an email literally an hour after busting my account, telling me that the case has been investigated and my cashier unfrozen. The whole situation left me so bitter that since then I haven’t gone back to it.

[omaha]

OP, just one question,

In a few years time, do you want to be a lawyer?

Will your law degree be of use elsewhere?

Here in australia, most people who get their law degree never work as solicitors, but they are in massive demand in a huge, wide range of fields.

WOrk out where you want to be in ten years time, and work back.

Your comments regarding wasting two years is like your blind money. It is no longer yours, and you can defend it by putting more years into it, then give up, or find a more profitable solution as to where to put the next few years of your life

Just my 2c worth

[schusch]

hi,thanks for your detailed answer, ill think about it all! But as you wrote later on PP i just often have the feeling that i have more bad luck than it is when looking at statistics..i often lose to a 3%-6% chance on turn/river.

However, back to topic...i still think that i unterstand the problem, at least it just sounds like me lol. Well,to formulate the question otherwise [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img], what is your daily routine in the moment when you "never" go to college and dont work either?I just dont get one point,once you say you want to finish college...ok, on the other hand you say you hate the course and dont think you will do it.To be honest iam just in college because i dont know of anything better,i mean i dont want to work from 20 to 65 and die, before i do that i gladly "waste" some years at college and drop out.Maybe i took the wrong course as well, but as you said, there is no course where i would say: thats it!!!!, that simply doesnt exist anymore,5,6 years ago i was much more focused on these things but not nowadays.Only thing i could think about are subjects like History or something, but there i always say to myself that you wont even get a job with it.
edit:quick question...your self-worth/esteem?
And to NP2..yes i also thought first that there are better ways, but i think its nice,its nice while reading/learning or it has alot of other things to do,but i didnt try many of em as of now.It helps you at least with motivation to do something or to stay focused, but it wont help against inability to chose what to do.There are certainly good books out there aswell,but i always say to me that you have to figure it out yourself, the sentence it always happens as you believe is just true,think about your life,then think about how do you think,isnt it just the same? At least it is true for me and i noticed this very often lately,for e.g. today i read something about falco's death(dont know if you know him,but he was very famous in Austria 10years ago) and it happened like he always had said.Maybe therefore iam always falling down again hehe [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img].And thats how i see it, you/we alot of people should change the way they are thinking, every problem should be approached as an opportunity, easy to say, hard to do.But enough of this "think positive" stuff for now lol [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img].

[Cam5182]

Adderall

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adderall

[Vraket]

[ QUOTE ]

Regarding my social situation, it’s not really the problem. Sure, it could/should be better, but I do have friends, go out, etc. I am lacking friends in my Law course, which is unfortunate, but then again it’s a logical product of my lack of attendance. I’m sure if I started going to classes regularly I would get to know a few of the students there better. Either way, I don’t think that my social situation and my current “mental block” are closely linked.



[/ QUOTE ]

The problem isn't the lack of social life, it's the existence of alternatives for you giving university a real shot. As it is now, you don't really have a reason to bother to get to know people at your class, since you already have your social life. Hence, every time you go to class, you'll be more alone than the other students, and it might make it all feel pointless.

Moving to another city, where you know noone, forces you to give university a real shot, and once you give it a real shot, you'll see it all differently and your studying block will drop.

Im not sharing a damn theory, I'm talking about my own exepriences.

I tried to start at the University in my home town (great University, ranked top 100 in the world), but I couldnt. It was so boring, pointless, I couldnt study, etc etc.

Once I swicthed city, It allowed me to grow as a human beeing and Now I love studying at the university. Moving to where I live now is the best decision I've made in my life, even though I've got no good friends, no family, worse weather and a smaller city..

You incapability to study and your social situation is therefore, very ##### closely linked..

[AlfilRey]

[ QUOTE ]
Adderall

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adderall

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok first needed to address this. Are you for real? Isn't that a drug used for people suffering from "severe depression" or severe attention deficit disorder. I AM able to concentrate on some things...just not the ones that should be my priority! I'm pretty mentally stable...