Non-cliched, funny B&M lines you've heard

[SossMan]

One I remember from a post a few years ago on here that I still laugh about.

Some mid/high limit game at Commerce. The power goes out and all the play stops.

After everyone quiets down a bit, player at the table says "making change..."

[binki]

The funniest I heard was the girlfriend of a dealer coming up to him and telling him he lost his bet on a football game. He tells her to be quiet. She asks why. He says in a very loud voice "because a dealer gambling on sports is ILLEGAL!"

unnamed California poker club

[sonicblue]

I'm at a 1/3 NL table in Bally's, and behind me at the 2/4 LHE table there's a heated argument over a supposed string bet or something. Guy next to me and I look at the table and shake our heads. He looks back over his shoulder and says in a loud voice,

"HEY, play nice in the SANDBOX!"

They were actually quiet for almost half an hour.

At a NL Borgata table we get a dealer switch. The 40ish male dealer sits down and is obviously not in a good mood. He says, "Yeah, poker's a great game. I love it. I was playin across town in a 40-80 game and I lost all $850 in twenty minutes. I got up to the parking garage, turned around, went back in to the table, and told everybody there that they sould ALL F**KIN DIE!!"
Not a great line, but great that he doubled back from the parking area to say it.

[AABCDS]

Gonso, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard. I was cracking up just imagining that kid doing that and it got even better after I saw the Dave Chappelle skit.

Where were you playing?

[noseeds99]

best ive heard in awhile but happened to my buddy..

He's playing a satallite for 1500 tourny chips or whatever in Council Bluffs, Iowa during the wsop circuit event last week. They are 3 handed and get standard all in huge blinds. My buddy holds A5 and other player holds Q9. He says "well, you have one over"

[CMP]

$3-6 LHE at Circus Circus - best and most fun game I've ever played in.

There is a drunk (very drunk, barely keeping his eyes open drunk), Hispanic dude the whole table has been calling the Riverman - he never folds, and he's been hitting everything on the river - the one time I remember him losing, he wound up with an undefull and got $20 or whatever for a losing full house, lol. Magic.

Anyway, the whole table is giving him crap on every street, and it builds in intensity as he calls each bet. He calls one turn bet, and everyone knows he has NO piece of what's going on out there, there are rising cries of "Riverman!" etc. and perfectly placed in a lull in the cries, this sleepy-eyed, speech slurred (with accent) man says in a high pitched voice..."I want to fold....but I can't!"

We fell out.

MP

[GoAheadRiverMe]

Guess you had to be there...

[PokerTheorist]

4/8 trop.

Average Joe draws to flush on river. Fat NJ mobster looking guy gets up in disgust on what appeared to have been a flopped straight. Average Joe asks, "What did you have? A straight." Fat guy sarcastically responds as he is exiting, "No I had a f_ing hard on." Very rude but still got a chuckle out of me.

[r0eKY]

2/5 nl full ring live at ceaser IN this guy calls a PF reraise for over half his stack then c/f the flop. Kid at the end of table who was not in the hand keep repeating "i cant belive he folded" the kid probabley says it abouot 8 diffrent times and finally the older mans says

"well go home and tell your moma about it"

then entire table was up from there seats lolerskating

[GMFlash01]

This wasn't funny at the time because it happened to me. But everytime I think back on it I get a little chuckle.

Backgroud, A friend and I roll back to the Wynn at 8 am after an all nighter and meet up with another friend who is playing 30/60. We request to play our own 8/16 game and the floor says he will deal for us, because we are so drunk. A couple lady's sit down and its 5 handed.

I catch great cards (TPTK or better) in 5 of the first 6 hands and lose all 5 hands. I get up from the table down $300 in 10 mins and pissed at how I just lost 2 hands in a row to rivered gut shots. As I walk out of the poker room my friend yells at me,

"Hey don't forget to checkout!"