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#22
01-26-2007, 07:03 PM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." [/ QUOTE ] thread killer [/ QUOTE ] FU this joke rules. 
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#23
01-26-2007, 07:05 PM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
[ QUOTE ]
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." [/ QUOTE ] wow, this is awesome. A+
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#25
01-26-2007, 07:07 PM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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#26
01-26-2007, 07:17 PM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
In a small town the bell ringer in the church quits.
The sexton advertises for a replacement. The first guy who shows up has no arms. "But...but..." the sexton says, "how can you...I mean with your handicap?" "Just watch," says the no-armed man. They go up to the bell tower and he runs at the bell and BANG! he slams it with his face and the bell lets out a dull bong. Then he starts to do it again, and the sexton stops him. "Not again," he says. "I can't watch. Tell me, do you really need the job this badly?" The man assures him that he does. So the sexton hires him. Sunday comes and it's time to ring the bell to summon the faithful to church. A breeze is blowing. Just as the bell-ringer runs at the bell, the breeze blows it sideways, and he misses it and plunges to the ground, to his death. The sexton runs outside, where a crowd is gathering. A policeman arrives. "Do you know this man?" he asks the sexton. "No," he says, "but his face rings a bell."
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#28
01-26-2007, 10:30 PM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
There is a family of polar bears living happily in their arctic land. There is a mother bear, father bear and baby bear. The baby bear is getting to an age where he is really beginning to develop alot of curiosity.
One day he asks his mom: "Mom, are you sure I'm a polar bear?" His mom of course reassures him that he must be a polar bear becasue she gave birth to him and she is a polar bear, and the father is a polar bear too. He seems to accept this and goes about his typical routine. A couple days go by and he asks his dad the same question. "Dad, are you SURE I'm a polar bear?" His dad also reassures him. He shows him that he has white fur just like all the other polar bears and that he has 4 paws just like the other polar bears and that he has a resemblance to both his mother and father. The little polar bear once again seems to accept this answer and goes about his business. When he gets a little older they send him off to polar bear school with all the other polar bear children. At school he starts up again, asking all his classmates if they think he might not be a polar bear. Finally, his teacher decides to have a meeting with the little polar bear and his parents. In this meeting they tell him that they are worried about him and that they are really concerned that he doesn't feel that he is a polar bear. They demand to know why he continues to ask this question. He sheepishly replies... "I'm cold."
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#29
01-27-2007, 12:28 AM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
Here is a severely inappropriate one that I heard a week ago:
Why do black people have nightmares? A: Because the last one to have a dream got shot.
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#30
01-27-2007, 01:24 AM
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Re: SFW Joke Thread
[ QUOTE ]
In a small town the bell ringer in the church quits. The sexton advertises for a replacement. The first guy who shows up has no arms. "But...but..." the sexton says, "how can you...I mean with your handicap?" "Just watch," says the no-armed man. They go up to the bell tower and he runs at the bell and BANG! he slams it with his face and the bell lets out a dull bong. Then he starts to do it again, and the sexton stops him. "Not again," he says. "I can't watch. Tell me, do you really need the job this badly?" The man assures him that he does. So the sexton hires him. Sunday comes and it's time to ring the bell to summon the faithful to church. A breeze is blowing. Just as the bell-ringer runs at the bell, the breeze blows it sideways, and he misses it and plunges to the ground, to his death. The sexton runs outside, where a crowd is gathering. A policeman arrives. "Do you know this man?" he asks the sexton. "No," he says, "but his face rings a bell." [/ QUOTE ] So now, the church needs another bell ringer. A few people apply, and one of them looks A LOT like the previous one...the one with no arms. He gets the job. The sexton asks the new employee if he knew the previous man, and he says "yes, he was my dear brother". Next sunday rolls around, and as the brother goes up to ring the bell, he trips and falls down the bellshaft. He rolls down into the street. The same policeman arrives and again asks the sexton "Do you know this man?". The sexton replies "he's a dead ringer for his brother."
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