Non-cliched, funny B&M lines you've heard

[The DaveR]

Limit HE. Limpers, a raise, and a terrible player calls in the BB.

Flop is 488. BB says, "Counterfeited on the flop."

[A S U]

3/6 Hawaiian Gardens.

Mid 20's Mexican guy won't shut the [censored] up. Every time there is a raise he would say "AK suited, maybe pocket pair", then if it was 3-bet "AA or KK AT LEAST". Then post-flop play if somebody checkraised "oh he hit the straight", etc. etc. Literally a play by play of every action imagineable. Finally I say "are you going to commentary on every bet". He says "I may have failed out of the 9th Grade by I do my poker homework"

[ItzMrFish2U]

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1/2 NL at foxwoots a while ago

Some spanish guy is involved in a hand with the board reading QQxxx

Sure enough at showdown he slams down the other 2 Queens while yelling out "EIGHT TITTIES!!!!"

[/ QUOTE ]


This gets the award for the funniest!!!!!!

[Dids]

Drunked 4/8 2p2er lagfest at the Wynn.

We're goofing around, and Entity drops some 25 cent word. The dealer, who has been hilarious and fun so far shoots him a very stern "Sir" and we all freeze up like "oh crap we've crossed the line".

Then he busts Rob's chops for using a big word like that in a casino. He pulled this on us a few times, I think at least once 'cause somebody forgot to straddle.

[Black Aces 518]

[ QUOTE ]
1/2 NL at foxwoots a while ago

Some spanish guy is involved in a hand with the board reading QQxxx

Sure enough at showdown he slams down the other 2 Queens while yelling out "EIGHT TITTIES!!!!"

[/ QUOTE ]

bahahaha. Along similar lines, I was playing Stud, and one player's upcards were 6969, which the dealer announced as "dinner for four." Took about two beats, then everyone cracked up.

Another may be a "had to be there" for the tone. Crotchety old regular loves needling and berating. He flops top two with AK, bets it all the way down, fish calls with 88 the whole way, drills the 8 on the river. Crotchety exclaims "God DAMN! That's gotta be the most impressive thing I've ever seen!" Seriously sounded unbelievably earnest and sincere.

Another great one: Playing in Oklahoma, and there's a complete Farmer John type, John Deere hat, biballs, about 3 bills. He's getting sucked out some and just having a terrible run. Finally after one suckout he says "if I's growin' punkins, they'd cancel Halloween" with a shake of his head.

[osmodion]

3/6 at Commerce

A new dealer named Lucky sat down. The guy to my left who'd been losing quite a bit loudly sighed "I can *finally* feel Lucky at this table!"

[psandman]

A floorman related this story to me.

A player waves him over to a table, the player is complaining that the dealer dealt him out. He says well were you in your seat? assuming the player had gotten up for a smoke. The player tells him "I never left my seat." Now the floorman is confused so he looks at the dealer and says "Why did you deal him out?" The dealer calmly explains that that the player asked to be dealt out. Now the player becomes irrate "I did no such thing!" The dealer looks at the floor and says, "Well, I had trouble understanding him, he either asked to be dealt out or he called me a [censored] [censored], and I was giving him the benefit of the doubt."

[SellingtheDrama]

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3/6 at Commerce

A new dealer named Lucky sat down. The guy to my left who'd been losing quite a bit loudly sighed "I can *finally* feel Lucky at this table!"

[/ QUOTE ]

My first read of this post was far more entertaining - I can *finally* feel up Lucky at this table.

[TheStation]

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Guy bangs the table very hard everytime he checks. Dealer says "easy now, people are trying to sleep down there".

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Omaha H/L or Stud H/L?

[lucydeucy]

Alright, I have a couple comebacks that I actually dropped completely off the cuff.

First, I am sitting in a 10 20 game at the Borgota; the game is typical loose passive. Railbird walks up to the table and says "Excuse me. Is this 10 20 "limited" hold'em?" I say to the guy "The only thing limited in this game is the skill level."

Next, I am playing in a typical donktastic 20 game and am having words with a guy over a hand. Not sure exactly why we were jawing but it wasn't that heated.

He says over nothing "I know people. I am going to have you ejected from the card room." I look at him and say "Sir that would be the most profitable move you have made all night."