Wife Likely Cheating--Need Help - Page 11

scraggs · #**101** 12-30-2006, 06:09 AM

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Alimony isn't the concern--when she is done with school (less than 1 year) she will make as much or more than I do. I just don't want to feel used in the meanwhile.

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then stop paying her phone bill

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My wife moved out recently. I am pretty sure that she is duping me into paying some large expenses she has over the next several months while we attempt to reconcile.

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More like stop paying her grad school bills. Am I right? If you're paying for school and she's moved out and turned extra secretive, I find it very hard to believe that she isn't playing you at this point.

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You are right. Without my support she has no $. This alone would cause somebody to lie, I guess. I have said to her several times: if you want to break this off, I will still make sure you get through the next six months ok. Is this foolish? Maybe, but I have been on a long journey with her for almost a decade and she was great for almost all of it. Hurting her, even if she is cheating, ain't in my nature. I just want to know if I should move on emotionally and begin that process or spend my time going to counseling with her.

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so you're paying her grad school bills while she [censored] another guy behind your back? wtf?? dump the [censored] and move on..i know easier said than done and all that, but i'm getting pissed just reading this [censored]/

scraggs · #**102** 12-30-2006, 06:11 AM

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As some wise OOTer wrote in another one of these threads:

A woman is like a monkey. She isn't going to let go of one branch unless she has a firm grasp on another.

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i love this quote. so, so true.

Wondercall · #**103** 12-30-2006, 06:37 AM

I didn't read the whole tread but:

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]KKF

sadpanda · #**104** 12-30-2006, 10:36 AM

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PI, and get a trojan ijnstalled on her computer, its worth the money to find out for sure, even if you have to follow her yourself, in case you didnt have a prenup.

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She doesn't own one...I could put logging software on mine so that when she comes over I can steal her passwords, I guess.

sadpanda · #**105** 12-30-2006, 10:37 AM

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Alimony isn't the concern--when she is done with school (less than 1 year) she will make as much or more than I do. I just don't want to feel used in the meanwhile.

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then stop paying her phone bill

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My wife moved out recently. I am pretty sure that she is duping me into paying some large expenses she has over the next several months while we attempt to reconcile.

[/ QUOTE ]

More like stop paying her grad school bills. Am I right? If you're paying for school and she's moved out and turned extra secretive, I find it very hard to believe that she isn't playing you at this point.

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You are right. Without my support she has no $. This alone would cause somebody to lie, I guess. I have said to her several times: if you want to break this off, I will still make sure you get through the next six months ok. Is this foolish? Maybe, but I have been on a long journey with her for almost a decade and she was great for almost all of it. Hurting her, even if she is cheating, ain't in my nature. I just want to know if I should move on emotionally and begin that process or spend my time going to counseling with her.

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so you're paying her grad school bills while she [censored] another guy behind your back? wtf?? dump the [censored] and move on..i know easier said than done and all that, but i'm getting pissed just reading this [censored]/

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Guess you missed the part when I said I wasn't sure if she was cheating or not. There is evidence both ways.

sadpanda · #**106** 12-30-2006, 10:38 AM

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Over Christmas she looked me in the eye and said "I love you and I want to work all this stuff out."

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I honestly would fall for this every single time. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] Ugh!

I'm not saying it's definite that she's lying to you, but if my wife was able to look me in the eye and lie with a line like that, it'd be incredibly hard for me to call her on it. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]
-Sam

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what's even worse is when all the signs of them lying are there, but you just can't bring yourself to notice them

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I'm worried that this is what I am doing, certainly.

sadpanda · #**107** 12-30-2006, 10:39 AM

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Sadpanda,

Hire a PI. Max out everything in joint custody, take all monies. Flee to Europe. When she attempts to contact you mail copies of her fellating random guys. Spend funds on hookers and a shrink.

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I just don't live this way, but thanks.

sadpanda · #**108** 12-30-2006, 10:40 AM

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Just ask her.

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Asked and answered. She said no, fwiw.

sadpanda · #**109** 12-30-2006, 10:41 AM

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Sadly I have experience in this arena...I know what to look for. She is exhibiting some of the signs, but not all. I have been with her for 9 years, know her well and trust me when I say this ain't a slam dunk. Could just be my issues.

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If she's hiding [censored], it doesn't matter if she's actually cheating. The marriage is on its way down the tubes, and you have to find out NOW if she's going to change course. If not, get out. I was in the same situation, always giving her the benefit of the doubt because I never found any hard evidence. I was miserable for over a year until she finally left, making me more miserable. Her hiding money and gifts and emails should have been enough for me to leave.

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Yep, you are right. Hidding means the relationship is broken--cheating isn't really at issue. I intend to put the question to her today or tomorrow and get a yes or no answer.

sadpanda · #**110** 12-30-2006, 10:44 AM

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Wow dude. This situation sounds painful.

First off, you basically can't concern yourself with the money issues. It doesn't seem that's going to help you in the long run (unless money is super tight, which it seems it isn't.. not sure why it seems that way, just does).

Secondly, you should raise your true feelings and suspicious with your wife and tell her what things she could do to alleviate them. Perhaps you'll have to say "Show me your cell phone and let me see the text messages at least enough to be convinced you're not cheating." Say whatever you need to say.

Finally, prepare yourself to get over her and move on.

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Money isn't really an issue. I do well and I'm not that materialistic. I am really trying to get my mind to a point where I can raise the issue in a forceful manner and get a yes or no to my questions. Thanks for your thoughts.