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#1
02-01-2006, 11:13 AM
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Treat Her Right
Had a long talk with an old friend having relationship woes last night. Left me thinking about many things. Sometimes relationships go to hell, and it’s entirely not your fault. Sometimes relationships go to hell, and it’s completely your fault. Usually, it’s somewhere in between.
A few thoughts about things that are too easy to get wrong in a long relationship. Please add or amend as you see fit... 1. Don’t neglect her. Socially, emotionally, sexually, etc. The beginnings of a relationship are often so intense and time consuming that it is natural for the amount of time and energy that goes into the relationship to decrease to a more sustainable level. Just don’t let them fall too far. She wants things from you. She needs things from you. Make sure she gets them, or she’ll look for them somewhere else. 2. Don’t be a jerk or a nice guy. Women are attracted to jerks because they are assertive and confident; they leave jerks because they are selfish and unreliable. Women are attracted to nice guys because they are understanding and considerate; they leave nice guys because they are needy and boring. Be a man: assertive, confident, understanding, considerate. 3. Don’t lose yourself. If you had a full life before getting into a serious relationship, you certainly had to give up or spend less time on some activities (mountain climbing, card playing, stamp collecting, partying, etc.) in order to put the necessary time into the relationship. Don’t give them all up completely until the relationship is all you have left. Your woman didn’t fall for you when you were obsessed with your relationship with her -- she fell for you when you were climbing mountains, playing cards, collecting stamps, and having fun. To a very large extent, you are what you do. You might give up a few things (womanizing, waking up confused at 4:00am in the park, stamp collecting if she really hates it, etc.), but don’t lose all of it. 4. Don’t let her lose herself. See above -- it goes both ways. 5. Don’t treat her like an enemy. There are fights in any relationship. They always suck. You don’t have to win them at all costs. Keep things in perspective. A disagreement about household chores is a very small thing compared to a relationship. Few things are sadder than a relationship killed by friendly fire. 6. Don’t expect complete compatibility. Disagreements and compromises are normal. If you both always agree on everything, one or both of you is lying (either consciously or unconsciously). This can’t go on for very long. 7. Don’t let her forget that she is special. She is a unique person in your life. She knows that, but make sure she knows that you know that. Whether you have been together for 3 months or 30 years, no woman will be happy if she feels taken for granted. Little things matter. 8. Don’t forget to laugh. You don’t have to do a stand up comedy routine at dinner every night, but if there is no laughter in the relationship, there is something important missing. 
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#2
02-01-2006, 11:17 AM
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Re: Treat Her Right
[ QUOTE ]
7. Don’t let her forget that she is special. She is a unique person in your life. She knows that, but make sure she knows that you know that. Whether you have been together for 3 months or 30 years, no woman will be happy if she feels taken for granted. Little things matter. [/ QUOTE ] Oh wise one, does this include penis to face slapping a la pornography?
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#4
02-01-2006, 11:23 AM
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Re: Treat Her Right
[ QUOTE ]
You might give up a few things (womanizing, waking up confused at 4:00am in the park, stamp collecting if she really hates it, etc.), but don’t lose all of it. [/ QUOTE ] No woman is worth giving up stamp collecting for.
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#7
02-01-2006, 11:27 AM
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Re: Treat Her Right
[ QUOTE ]
3. Don’t lose yourself. If you had a full life before getting into a serious relationship, you certainly had to give up or spend less time on some activities (mountain climbing, card playing, stamp collecting, partying, etc.) in order to put the necessary time into the relationship. Don’t give them all up completely until the relationship is all you have left. Your woman didn’t fall for you when you were obsessed with your relationship with her -- she fell for you when you were climbing mountains, playing cards, collecting stamps, and having fun. To a very large extent, you are what you do. You might give up a few things (womanizing, waking up confused at 4:00am in the park, stamp collecting if she really hates it, etc.), but don’t lose all of it. [/ QUOTE ] This is good, but doesn't just apply to activities. People get caught up in relationships and lose themselves mentally, emotionally, spiritually. They forget how to react to things, how to think rationally about things, etc. How to handle themselves in general. The relationships takes over, stresses pile up, they do stupid, stupid things that they never would have done prior to the relationship.
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#8
02-01-2006, 11:46 AM
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Re: Treat Her Right
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] You might give up a few things (womanizing, waking up confused at 4:00am in the park, stamp collecting if she really hates it, etc.), but don’t lose all of it. [/ QUOTE ] No woman is worth giving up stamp collecting for. [/ QUOTE ] To be a truly great stamp collector, and not just some kid with potential, you must stay away from the women.
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#10
02-01-2006, 11:58 AM
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Re: Treat Her Right
As suitable balance, I post the 10 commandments of Al Bundy:
1. It is OK to call hooters 'knockers' and sometimes snack trays 2. It is wrong to be French 3. It is OK to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder 4. Lawyers, see rule three 5. It is OK to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes 6. Everyone should car pool except me 7. Bring back the word stewardesses 8. Synchronized swimming is not a sport 9. Mud wrestling is a sport
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