finding out your kid is not really your kid

[SoloAJ]

You guys saying that you would raise the kid and condemning those who wouldn't are way off base. I understand that if you have raised the kid for 4 years, you might want to be the father. But claiming that it is a necessity to support the child is just wrong. You do it if you choose to, but certainly not everyone will choose to do so.

As man said, fidelity and honesty are pretty high priorities.

Edit: Hypothetical I had doesn't serve any purpose.

Summary: I think the people pushing their answers on others are out of line. Each person has a choice which can be defended quite well.

[NicksDad1970]

[ QUOTE ]
what would you do if your wife told you that the kid youve been raising for the last five years was actually some other dude she banged while you were away on business. would you continue to raise the kid?

[/ QUOTE ]

yes

[JuntMonkey]

Haven't read this whole thread so caveat emptor.

In the book from a few years back, "Bias", about the liberal news slant, there is a chapter about fathers who find out their kid isn't theirs. The laws in place against the fathers are brutal.

In some states there's a technicality where if you don't dispute the payments within a certain time frame, you are locked into paying support until adulthood, EVEN IF it is proved beyond a doubt that the children are not yours.

Oh btw, a lot of this is with "dads" who were never even the active parents but had to start paying support from birth. Some guys had their whole lives basically ruined and contemplated suicide. They had their own lives with their own wives and kids and could barely feed their families.

[witeknite]

I don't know how the case could be worked exactly, but I would think you could prove some kind of fraud there. The mother misrepresented the "father's" part in the creation of the child. She gained financially because of that fraud. Seems clear cut to me, but I'm sure it would be a very tough case to win.

WiteKnite

[dandy_don]

My oldest daughter was my wife's from a previous marriage (we have since had two of our own). The bum my wife originally married never cared for the child and never wanted to grow up and be responsible (FWIW, he's still the same today 13 years later). So I took charge of the situation--I adopted her when she was 5 so the paperwork says I'm the dad and that's good enough for me. I know it's not my blood running through her veins, but she is my daughter just like my youngest child is my daughter.

I understand in the scenario that you presented is different than my own, where as the wife was deceptive and nothing like that occurred in my own. However, the child did nothing wrong.

The answer is really what your own gut tells you--I could have continued to play "step-dad" and left things alone, but my child needed a "dad" just like this one does and I can't imagine the sperm donor will now fill that role.

dandy

[JaBlue]

[ QUOTE ]
My oldest daughter was my wife's from a previous marriage (we have since had two of our own). The bum my wife originally married never cared for the child and never he wanted to grow up and be responsible (FWIW, he's still the same today 13 years later). So I took charge of the situation--I adopted her when she was 5 so the paperwork says I'm the dad and that's good enough for me. I know it's not my blood running through her veins, but she is my daughter just like my youngest child is my daughter.

I understand in the scenario that you presented is different than my own, where as the wife was deceptive and nothing like that occurred in my own. However, the child did nothing wrong.

The answer is really what your own gut tells you--I could have continued to play "step-dad" and left things alone, but my child needed a "dad" just like this one does and I can't imagine the sperm donor will now fill that role.

dandy

[/ QUOTE ]

you rule man. I think I would do the same thing in your position.

[Force1]

To me this all rest on your attachment to the kid. I would have a tough time abandoning a dog let alone a kid. If I have grown attached to the kid, and feel that he/she is mine, and deeply love them then there is no way I could turn my back on them. 5 years is a lot of bonding to just forget overnight cause the kid doesn't have your genes.