OOT - Help me respond to this girl on Craig's List

KostnersindaHole · #1 10-13-2006, 02:16 AM

This is great everyone - Thanks so far for the help. I've updated the draft below with all your feedback so far. I guess the questions I have now are: 1. Is the first line too corny? Should it be taken out? 2. Is that middle section awkward? Any other suggestions - please keep them coming!

EMAIL BELOW:

Just so we’re clear – no sock puppets on the first date, or no sock puppets period?

Foreign films are fine with me…as long as you don’t watch any on Sunday. I live in a cubicle from 8-5 as well so any complaining to me regarding work will only get reciprocated back to you.

Some standard [censored] about me: I’m 25, and I live in NW DC. I love cats as well, and I used to work with them.

Some random [censored] about me: I am one of the 12 people left who still reads for entertainment, as opposed to those who pass the time while on the metro or those trying to look smart. (This is not an exaggeration either. I know a girl who carries around a copy of ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’ with her so she’ll look smart and get dates) I’ve lived in the DC area for 7 years now, and I haven’t been in most of the museums/memorials/monuments in the city. I have yet to find out if this is strange or not.

I think you’re right – I might like your cat better than you. If you want to get together for a drink sometime to change my mind, let me know.

Flash Gordon
Quarterback
New York Jets

CappyAA · #2 10-13-2006, 02:27 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Also mention briefly you love cats too, that you used to work with them. Leave it at that. Naturally her response will include a question asking what capacity you worked with cats. And to this you respond that, though the job could be heartbreaking, people are now blessed with safer thyroid medicine.

[/ QUOTE ]

I love this line. Hilarious. And if this chick couldn't get the joke and is offended, then she is truly not looking for someone funny.

OP - I think you're on the right track. I suck at this [censored] too though, so I really can't give you good stuff to write.

otis_nixon · #3 10-13-2006, 02:44 AM

Way way too long.

Jesus man, shorten that up by a lot.

You gotta act like you don't care, writing your life story isn't gonna get you anywhere.

Dementia · #4 10-13-2006, 03:10 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Way way too long.

Jesus man, shorten that up by a lot.

You gotta act like you don't care, writing your life story isn't gonna get you anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wrong. This is the type of girl who obsesses over details, read her initial post ffs. His revision is fine and should be sent, no more doctoring.

neuroman · #5 10-13-2006, 03:22 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Way way too long.

Jesus man, shorten that up by a lot.

You gotta act like you don't care, writing your life story isn't gonna get you anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wrong. This is the type of girl who obsesses over details, read her initial post ffs. His revision is fine and should be sent, no more doctoring.

[/ QUOTE ]
Incorrect. It needs to be short and sweet.

This girl is decent looking and young. She is getting like 20-50 emails an hour off this ad. Picture her sorting through a mountain of emails from random internet dudes. She's simply not going to read an email as long as the suggested one.

Annulus · #6 10-13-2006, 03:23 AM

I also like your opener. But the rest just does not have a good flow to it. It sounds almost too rehearsed, if that makes sense.

this in particular sounds wacko:
Some random [censored] about me: I am one of the 12 people left who still reads for entertainment, as opposed to those who pass the time while on the metro or those trying to look smart. (This is not an exaggeration either. I know a girl who carries around a copy of ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’ with her so she’ll look smart and get dates) I’ve lived in the DC area for 7 years now, and I haven’t been in most of the museums/memorials/monuments in the city. I have yet to find out if this is strange or not

I think you have good content, but im not feeling that 1 in 12 people line, also not feeling that you know a girl who carries a book.

Annulus · #7 10-13-2006, 03:26 AM

From her ad in CL, I think she specifically mentions that she is not looking for your kind of funny. What I mean by that she is not looking for someone who says he has a sense of humor, and thats what your basically doing with this overly scripted email.

guids · #8 10-13-2006, 03:34 AM

She seems kind of odd.

Id try a weird approach

letter:

Poop. Ya, thats right, poop. Bet you cant top that. Hit me back.

george w · #9 10-13-2006, 03:28 AM

bit dated, no?

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/abo.../30451642.html

Annulus · #10 10-13-2006, 03:30 AM

[ QUOTE ]
bit dated, no?

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/abo.../30451642.html

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf, im confused [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img].

whos getting played? us or op?