Compulsive player who has tilted too much... (LONG)

[Jenslyn87]

Hello there!

I love poker. I discovered this fantastic game in march this year, but it wasn't until 3 months later that I began playing consitantly.

I truly believe I'm a pretty good player. Maybe everyone says this, and maybe I'm wrong, but I truly believe that I tend to win and that I'm a fair deal better than average.

That being said, my personality has sort of cost my a lot of money, I think.

You see, I tilt. I kinda know why: I can't stand losing money. Usually, I will sit at a cash table with around 50 dollars and usually I won't do too bad. Then suddenly I make a bad decision or face a bad beat one day and I lose the 50. Big deal. I'll win it back. I go in with 100 dollars, play more aggressively... Prolly I'll get caught in a major bluff because I won't give up a pot and they're gone. Well... I could leave, but my day would be ruined. I would hate to sleep knowing that I've just tilted away what's a fair share of my money. What to do? Why not play for more and win it back! 400 dollars should do the trick.

This way I've been playing WAY too many times and WAY too many times I've gotten away with it winning all my way back usually in one big hand and then stopping for the night. It went wrong a night a couple of weeks ago though, where I ended up throwing 250 bucks times three away on sit'n'goes on party because I went so tilty. That time I got out.

Oh well. 4 days ago kinda the same happened. On fulltilt I sat down with 50 bucks. Lost it due to some stupid play. 100 Dollars. Gone on a bad beat. 400 dollars stupidly thrown away after that (well not thrown, but played too tilty away).

After that I put in 310 bucks in my party account (max deposit because I've been buying a lot of stuff on my credit card as of late; been in Australia). Well, let's just say they went away pretty fast, too.

Then, the same night, I got my card opened for more deposits. I wanted to see if I could win it back and be able to actually finish so that my economy would'nt have been marked by this stupid tilt. I promised myself that if I won this back I would definetly never get this far out again. I played pretty well for about 45 minutes I'd say, but I was in well over my head. I played 5/10 no limit with 1000 dollars and I have no bankroll + I don't have a lot of money right now. Then I lost down to like 800 bucks and got desperate and lost it all. I decided to take a last shot and deposited 550 bucks thus again reaching my credit cards deposit limit. I played in a SnG, did very well but eventually made a stupid decision that would cost me at least part of that tournament.

Looking back I don't know wtf I was doing. I just lost 2400 dollars in the timespan of a few hours, and even though I had been winning lately I was stuck a lot of dollars to get even for my entire poker playing period. I had to call it quits there, or I might end up like some of the guys I've heard about... Those who play and play until their lives are ruined to win their money back.

I did exactly that, and I wanted to take some time off from poker (a week), but now a couple of days after I'm starting up slowly again. I think only playing major MTT's could be an option as I can't expect to win there (I'll get to the expecting part later). Also maybe some bigger sit'n'goes for the same reason.

Now I've put 300 dollars into my account, winning a bit on sit'n'goes I'm now up to just over 400. I had a couple of bad beats in these sit'n'goes earlier today, though, and I felt the "I WANT IT BACK NOW"-thingie again right away. Luckily, I kept my cool.

Now, my question is if my personality is simply that of a person that should KEEP THE **** AWAY from a game like poker or if you guys have a good way of managing this? Maybe sticking to online MTT's? The problem with this is that I feel I'm much better at cash and small sit'n'goes where I win more consistantly, but where I'm also prone to doing these giant tilt sessions. You just want to play where you feel you can do good... I guess that's the problem. I have yet to reach a very good result in a MTT.

My personality, I guess, is sort of compulsive. I tend to split the game up in stages. Although I know you can't win every time you play, I want to finish every day with a positive result. Also I'm feeling sick of the tilt-session I lost so much money on the other night. I feel like I'm a failure at poker on one hand, while I actually think I'm a pretty good player on the other. I would say my pro's are that I'm good at making strong moves, reading other players moves and just keep playing well as long as its going my way. My cons is that I'm playing with my emotions sometimes. I can literally throw money away when I'm tilting... Just thinking about all the money that I've thrown away... Had I not done that, my buttom line would have been very healthy for this last period.

I feel I have to win the money I'm stuck back before I can "move on" with my game. I want to be up in the grand scheme. Being down makes me feel like an idiot.

Do you think there is hope for a player like me, or should I REALLY try to get out of it? Mostly I'd like to hear from guys in a similar situation and what they did to reclaim control over their game... I just can't stand being stuck this money, but I would HATE giving up poker as I love it so much!

Please post your comments and be nice [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Jenslyn87]

Some of the things that indicate that I can be compulsive are the following I guess:

I really want to be over average in a tournament... You know I will play harder to get there for no apperant reason (I hope you guys understand this, because everyone wants to be over average... but it shouldn't affect your game).

I want to be up for all the "periods" I make of days and so on.

I have trouble playing low stakes now that I know I'm stuck almost 2000 dollars combined. I want to win it back fast! I have trouble putting it into an appropriate perspective if you understand... Logically, I should play where I win, but I don't feel I win until I'm not stuck anything combined anymore!

These are all some things I have problems with in my play. I'm guessing that actually most players have it to a degree, and I just seem to have it a little more. Mind you: It's not like I go crazy if I'm below average in a tourney, but I will have to contain myself not to get too aggressive [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[evilgenius]

Quit NL poker. Take up limit at nanos and take thousands of beats and learn to control yourself before grinding up from the lowest of NL levels.

You suck now. If you are good you will be able to win at the low levels and earn your way up. And prove that you are good.

But you know you are good and people dont respect your raises at the nanos... So you basically suck. Feel free to ignore me and continue to destroy your life. Just because you can beat your crappy friends doesnt mean you are good.

[BSman77]

sounds like me until i got Poker tracker and started playing for a solid win rate.

[Freelancer]

[ QUOTE ]
Quit NL poker. Take up limit at nanos and take thousands of beats and learn to control yourself before grinding up from the lowest of NL levels.

You suck now. If you are good you will be able to win at the low levels and earn your way up. And prove that you are good.

But you know you are good and people dont respect your raises at the nanos... So you basically suck. Feel free to ignore me and continue to destroy your life. Just because you can beat your crappy friends doesnt mean you are good.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is probably the best suggestion I ever heard in similar threads (there are plenty of those around here), listen to this man.

[steamboatin]

[ QUOTE ]
Now, my question is if my personality is simply that of a person that should KEEP THE **** AWAY from a game like poker

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is the winner but if you can't quit, move down and learn to play. This whole, "I am a good player but I tilt" business is wrong, good players control tilt or bail when they start to tilt. Bad players tilt off their money.

Tilting off money=bad play Don't try to seperate the two, they are both a part of your game.

[PokerintheI]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Now, my question is if my personality is simply that of a person that should KEEP THE **** AWAY from a game like poker

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is the winner but if you can't quit, move down and learn to play. This whole, "I am a good player but I tilt" business is wrong, good players control tilt or bail when they start to tilt. Bad players tilt off their money.

Tilting off money=bad play Don't try to seperate the two, they are both a part of your game.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've seen good players, tilting players and compulsive players. This behavior is much closer to compulsive gambling than it is to tilting. I agree with the low limit idea if you are going to continue playing poker at all, but first and foremost, I would get rid of the damn credit cards. Playing poker on credit is the most horrendous idea I can think of. You didn't lose 2k, you lost 2k plus $300-$400 a month until you can pay it back. And with that hanging over your head, you are not going to make good decisions.

[Jeff_B]

uhh whats youre name on the poker sites?

[Jenslyn87]

Good suggestions [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

I do see that I cannot be a good poker player until I actually win money from playing. I just said that I have the ability to play good poker, but that my personality loses me a lot of money, and I believe that's true.

Just to get something cleared up: I'm not destroying my life. I'm not in any financial problems. I'll just take it easy these next months and that's basically it. I just don't want to take it further.

I guess the whole deal is that I need to play well within my comfort zone. At the same time, I want the excitement of playing for real money - if I don't get excited over the game, its not much fun.

I guess a good approach would be to solely focus on say 11 dollar multi table tournaments. I actually like this style of play, but I tend to do much better short handed and in cash games and SnG's. Of course you guys are right when you say that in a proper perspective I suck at poker. People get me tilting from a few bad beats and so on, and I want you to know that I totally agree on that, but my point is that its not my game costing me money its myself.

My biggest problem right now as a compulsive gamer I guess is that I can't feel like I play a good game until I'm not stuck anything anymore. I need to work on seeing my poker play objectively and playing for the decisions rather than the results.

Also (and this is prolly just convincing myself), you couldn't really define the lost dollars that night as poker... It was more of a charity session if you understand what I mean [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] So if I can get that into my head, maybe I won't feel stuck [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Again thanks for the replies and more are certainly welcome. I appreciate evilgenius' feedback but please keep the use of language on a friendly level, and I will take it more seriously [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Jenslyn87]

PokerintheI: It's true I just lost 2400 dollars, but I did win a pretty good amount in the days leading up to it [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Also, I'm definetly not losing 400 dollars a month on this?

Even if it was 2400 dollars, I would only lose 170 dollars (nice account I guess) so its not too bad!

So just to sort it out: My economy took a hit, but its not all that bad. The worst problem is that I just feel stupid being "stuck" all these dollars. If I had just suddenly lost 2400 dollars on something random then... [censored], but not that terrible. My problem is more that I rank my play a bit too much from my earnings/losses, and this makes me feel like a failure.

Oh well, don't you think the idea of only playing 11 dollars MTT's is pretty good? I also actually gives me the chance of winning all of the money back very fast (just this distant chance makes me want to play more, I guess... In stead of long grinding sessions).

Oh well, thanks again [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]