I got slapped in the face at Home Depot Parking lot

I just had to share this story, because I have never actually been “slapped” by a grown man until this past labor day weekend.

It happens like this. Me and the wife are coming back to our car in the Home Depot parking lot after picking up a few things, and there is this guy parked next to us in a circa 1980s Honda Civic.

This guy obviously has no buddies with a pick-up truck, as he’s got half the Home Depot gardening section jammed in this rust-bucket of a Honda, and he has yet to load about six bags of fertilizer that’s still on the cart. There is a lawnmover wedged in the trunk, an edger sticking out the rear driver’s side window, and a weed wacker sticking out the front passenger window. There’s a tin of paint on the roof that obviously hasn’t been stuffed into the car yet. Anyway, you get the picture.

As we approach, my wife and I are having a little laugh until we see that the guy has completely lost it. It seems all this stuff won’t quite fit, so he’s hauling back the passenger door and trying to slam the thing shut. Then I notice as he haul’s back each time, he is smacking MY car with his door, and then trying to slam his door shut again. I run up to the guy.

Me: Taking it easy on my car; what in the fxck are you doing
Him: I’m loading my car you dumb redneck. Are you fxcking blind.?

So then my wife goes into to one of those “Oh just leave it be honey” type moments, with a tone that every women on earth must practice for just these situations. “Don’t make a big deal of it, let’s just go,” she says. Naturally, I ignore her.

So me and this guy are face to face, but I’m really at a loss for words. He’s about an inch taller than me, and doesn’t look too troublesome physically, but he got that “not all there” look in his eyes. Anyway I break eye contact and I look at his car, with all the crap sticking out all over the place, and then I burst out laughing in his face.

Well….he then lays off and slaps me right across the face. The first thing I think is “did this guy really slap me,” and then he says.. “ I am a military officer. I can’t be going around punching people. Therefore, you needed to be slapped. If you get up, I shall slap you again. I shall slap you into submission, if need be….I shall slap, slap, slap” At this point I am laughing so hard I’m down on one knee, nearly in tears.

I get up and said to him “Punch me? Did you say you didn’t want to punch me? Mister, you slapped me like a 8 year old girl. I went to Catholic school, and Sister Mary Elephant slapped me harder than that in grade 6, you freaking wuss. Heck, even my wife slaps me harder than that. Do you think I’m worried about what your punch might feel like? Bring it on, ” I said, pointing to my chin.

“Must run”, he said “ I can’t be punching people. Slap, slap, slap.”
With that he storms to his car, and puts it reverse and plows into his cart with the fertilzer in it. The paint tin bounces off the roof on his car and hits the ground, and the lid pops. The guy gets out and there is red paint everywhere….. “Balmoral Red.”.he screams “ Balmoral Red, Balmoral Red….”

My wife says that paint is hard to get in corners well.

With that we drove away as he sat sobbing on the pile of fertilzer. “Anyone comes near me I’ll slap you’….he sobs to himself.

[edfurlong]

Not bad, but have you been working on this all week?

[By-Tor]

[Namdrahsirhc]

I assume you got banned for this, but I laughed. Thanks

[6-Max Donk]

[ QUOTE ]
Not bad, but have you been working on this all week?

[/ QUOTE ]

[IggyWH]

[ QUOTE ]
Not bad, but have you been working on this all week?

[/ QUOTE ]

Patience is sometimes the key to comedy gold.

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
With that we drove away as he sat sobbing on the pile of fertilzer. “Anyone comes near me I’ll slap you’….he sobs to himself.

[/ QUOTE ]

you went especially over the top at the end

[astroglide]

judging from those codes that came out of the quote, it looks like this was pasted from somewhere too

[edfurlong]

It clearly happened.

[KOTLP]

I laughed when I saw the title, but this was pretty weak given you've had a week to work on it.