Your most common notes

[Bubbles]

1. DO NOT FOLD.

2. RAISE = NUTS.

3. LAGMONKEY.

[deaders]

By far my most common ones are:

"calling station donkey"

"loose donk"

sometimes:

"WOWOWOW [censored] RETARDED!!!!!!"

"fire 2nd barrel"

"dont cbet"

"stacks off TPAK"

[LurkeЯ]

cs

[goofball]

showdown monkey

[dibbs]

"DO NOT [censored] BLUFF, TAX THE [censored] OUT OF HIM"

"can fold"

"nitty bad"

The first (and most common really) is more emphatic because I have a perpetual habit of bluffing bad players.

[Justin A]

I've put this note on players quite a few times: (limit hold'em btw)

"Posted UTG 4 handed and checked."

[Split Suit]

"will forever be shortstacked in XXX game"

[Manimal 42]

Calling Station, don't even bluff

Dumb

Not dumb

Braindead

Tough

LAG w/ AGG

Insane LAG

Holy S**T, called all-in w/ 2nd (3rd, no)pair, JJ ect.

I love this guy!

[lmatth]

From a session yesterday, one guy got this one

"Paid my rent / car note / insurance in 100 hands"

[agent_fish]

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Pretty much all my player notes questions the players sexuality or procilivity to have sex with animals because they did something horrible like call down with top pair top kicker and created a "pot sliding wrong way" situation".

I finally played live with a person like this, and I could not contain my outward contempt for her and I think ended up making her leave the table. That was fun.

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Trip report?

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3 hands into session I get aces, flop is like Q9x or something. I bet all streets, the final board is like KQJ9 and she calls showing her 9s. Then she's like "I'm sorry" and I was like "don't apologize, you won".

Then the next hand I flop a set of Qs on a QJ9 flop, we put in a lot of bets on the flop and turn (I'm an idiot given that there's no way she plays a non-straight hand like this on the turn) and she eventually slows down with KT because she doesn't realize she has the nut straight. When she call the river she actually says (I think you've got the one hand that beats me) and I'm like "YAY" but then I'm like "OMG".

Again she tries to apologize, and I say something like "don't, seriously, I should have lost a lot more money on those hands, thanks".

Prior to that she was all happy person at the table and like yucking it up, but shortly thereafter she got quiet and eventually racked up. I'm not sure I was the cause, but I'd like to think I was.

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I hate it when women don't respect my raises. I tell them to get the [censored] off my table or learn to play right.