weird things you do

[thirddan]

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Reminds me --

I don't own a pair of jeans. Haven't worn them since middle school. Never liked them. I think this is pretty weird since everyone I know has like 6 pairs.

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I've never liked jeans because the rough fabric chafed when I wore them back in elementary school. So I don't own a pair of jeans. I only wear khakis or dress pants. I've been meaning to give jeans another go though, but I guess that's a story for another thread.

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i haven't worn a pair of jeans since early elementary school, im 23 now...i tried on a pair in college, but didn't like them...i wear cargoes pants/shorts exclusively...

[Aloysius]

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You people eating in sections are so missing out.

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-Al

[dinopoker]

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-I must have a book when taking a [censored]. Even if I can tell it's only going to be a quick 30 second one - I must have a book. If I am in a location where no books or reading material is available, I will wait.


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I have this problem, sometimes I will delay an agonizingly long time to go if I know I'm in the middle of a good book at home, like if I have to go at work during the middle of the day, I'll put it off for hours until I get home.

Lately I've taken to hiding magazines in the washroom at work just so I'll have something in there to read, though. It's going to suck when they're discovered, though, because I'm the only one in the office likely to be reading Card Player or Golf Digest.

[dinopoker]

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I keep tempting myself to do things that don't make any sense at all. Like, say I'm walking down the street and I pass a store with a big window, I'm tempted to just throw myself through the window. I'm not crazy though here's my reasoning:

I often think maybe the whole world as I know it is basically a trivial creation of some one elses. 'the matrix' would be an example of this. Like, maybe one day I will 'snap out of it', and wake up on a spaceship and realize this life was pretty much just a dream purposely created for entertainment value, since I have too much time to kill during my space travel.

Or, I am hooked into this false reality for my whole life, just so other people can watch my life through my own eyes for entertainment.

It would make sense for the creator of this false world to not bother creating the whole Earth, but like, just things within 100km of me. So when I move cities, the old city no longer exists, however it pops back into existence when I go back to it.

Also, it would make sense for the creators to not bother having things in existence that I won't use. Like, if they know I'll be in the same room for the next hour, then just outside that room will be nothing, or like, something that's not supposed to be there

So in an effort to thwart the creator(s), I can try to catch them offguard by doing something nonsensical that they haven't accounted for.

I imagine that say I jump into the window, and at the moment of impact reality get's all 'glitchy', and I snap out of it, or at least confirm my suspicions.

I sometimes imagine certain scenarios, like when I snap out of it and I'm in the 'real reality', my real memory floods back to me, and I realize this whole life was basically a Playstation 17 game, and I won a bet from my friends.

The bet started out:

me: "so you're telling me, that if I was born into a world with people smart enough to create a complex civilation but yet still wander aimlessly through life seemingly not caring at all that they have no idea if there is a god (or have retarded beliefs about god), or what the meaning of life is, they just keep 9 to 5'in it like happy mindless drones, I would not suspect that something is up?"

friend: "absolutely dude, you would just go along with it, do what everyone else does"

me: "fack you I wouldn't, I would be smart enough to realize people could not possibly be that oblivious. Wanna put some money on it?? 50 space credits??"

friend: "It's on. Let's hook you up"

So occaisionally I do stuff like, after taking a piss in the bathroom and walking towards the kitchen, I will stop like halfway, turn around, walk into the bathroom and turn the light on and take a quick look around for anything suspicious. Or I might be in the middle of a routine, like walking along the street on the way to something, but then walk somewhere I've never been to before and have no need to go to.

Another weird thing I do is when I walk around a crowded area, I like to do my best to casually 'flow' around other people walking like I'm Barry Sanders. The key is to do it like you are cool as ice, you need to make it look easy and fluid and inconspicuous. It feels great when there's an ass who's like in a rush to get some where so he rudely nudges through and cuts people off everywhere as he walks, yet I manage to move faster than him while seemingly exerting no effort. You can't force it though, obv

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Very clever, but what if in your imagined 'real life' you had taken the other side of that bet? You just cost yourself 50 space credits!

[Daniel Magix]

I just thought of another...

• I sing along with the radio on my drive to and from work - but to make sure I don't look like an idiot to people in the cars next to me in traffic, I will open my cell phone and pretend to be talking to someone. I am sure my conversations look very passionate and loud.

[antidan444]

My contribution: At random times I'll start pretending like I'm some hotshot athlete. It could be a basketball player "dunking" on the top of a doorway, or swinging a wiffle bat in the living room, or mock pitching (throwing a sock-ball at the sofa), or whatever other dumb thing I'm acting out. My wife calls this my "Superstar Dan" side and gets a kick out of it. I'll also go to nearly vacant high school playing fields and kick field goals, try to hit a baseball over the fence (did it once, 320 feet, was pretty damn proud considering I'm no star athlete), throw off the mound or whatever else.

I also do the "awkward TV/movie moment" thing where I can't watch and either leave the room (if my wife's watching) or turn the channel.

Before crawling into bed, if I just took my socks off, I have to pick all the lint out from between my toes before I feel comfortable. This grosses my wife out.

[Free_Beer]

- I can't wipe my ass if someone in picture is "looking" at me. If I've been reading a magazine or newspaper with a persons picture on the page, I have to turn to a page with no pictures or cover it. The need to do this is even more intense if the person is famous or is a sexy woman.

- I have these thick hairs in my eyebrows. I sit and feel for them and try to pluck them out with my fingers. I too feel that using tweezers is cheating. I often miss the particular hair I'm after and end up pulling half my eyebrows out. I also like plucking nose hair and ear hair.

- I constantly talk to people in my mind. Thinking what I'd like to say to them. This usualy involves the most depraved sex acts if the person is an attrictive woman. If she's not attractive, I'll tear her down. If it's a man, I make myself feel like a big man by putting him down. I assume other people are constantly doing this to me and so I have self confidence issues.

- I've been doing the same job for 15 years. I've never felt qualified for this position (though I get glowing reviews and my customers love me), I expect to be found out and fired any day.

- I do vulgar and disgusting things to objects in hotel rooms that I assume don't get washed on regular basis (knobs, tv remote, lamps, door handle, etc.)

wow... reading this I realize what a sick [censored] I've become!

[Boris]

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I have a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment right now.

One bathroom is for pooping. The other bathroom is for everything else.

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Not weird.

[bdohaney]

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Occasionally I'll weigh myself before and after a large dump. I have to know it's going to be a biggie.

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lmao I do this sometimes too.

[matt2500]

Here's one I used to do back in high school and college, but don't do anymore. When doing random, everyday stuff like cleaning my apartment, I'd pretend it was an athletic event, and that I was world-class at it. The event would always end up with me winning the world championship of apartment cleaning, or dinner making, or whatever.