In The Snow - Part I

[fyodor]

A series of articles detailing poker concepts that only I am aware of

By Count von Fermules

“When all the hands are filled, the player to the left of the age has the first say, and he must either bet or retire from the game, forfeiting what he has already staked.” – Hoyle’s Book of Card Games, p.84

As I sat down at my regular $1-$2 game online I noted the players already at the table. There were the usual assortment of chooks and chumps employing handles that might pass for wit in a poker club run by Calvin and Hobbes. I was especially happy to see two to my left someone I will refer to as CallTheMall. If it were possible for the other nine players to all put in a raise before it got to him, CallTheMall would call them all. Implied odds is the name of his god.

Many minutes elapsed with me getting dealt one offsuit piece of refuse after another. Often I was the only one folding but I was setting a trap so devious that I knew I would be able to get another article out of it. Finally my time arrived.

Only two limpers to me on the button and sitting right there on my 14” black and white CRT was a hand I knew would win me a giant pot. J[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] 4[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

I typed into the chat box, “RAISE!” and then clicked the raise button.

I like to type in my intention in all caps before making my move as it scares the bejeezus out of the opposition. It’s like my own personal “Ride of the Valkyries.”

The small blind folded, CallTheMall called as expected in the big blind, and the two limpers called as well just like it told them to do in all the standard poker texts. I was counting on that of course.

The flop was A[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] Q[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

They all quickly checked to me as the preflop raiser. I knew two things here. CallTheMall had two cards and the two limpers had four between them. I typed in, “BET!” and then hit the bet button. CallTheMall called and the limpers quickly folded.

The turn was the 2[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] and I must admit my own [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] did a little flutter, as this was the perfect card given my holding. I knew my opponent had two cards and he knew I had two cards but he didn’t know what cards mine were and he was going to have to act not only before me, but once I fired in my inevitable bet, after me as well. With him having to act twice I was half way home.

He checked. I typed in, “BET!” and I clicked the bet button. He checkraised.

I was now sure one of his mystery cards was a heart. If it was the Jack[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] I was pretty much drawing dead. If it was any other [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] I knew I could get him to lay it down. As there was only one Jack but eight other possibilities it was a sure thing that the odds were now in my favour. I typed in, “RAISE!” and clicked the raise button and he just called.

Yes! Victory shall be mine!

The river was J[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] and now I knew for sure he didn’t have it in his hand.

He checked.

I now had an Ace high flush and a pair of Jacks. If I had held a Ten[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] I would have the stone cold nuts. Nothing could beat me. Nothing! He would be insane to call me if I had the Ten[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

I typed in, “BET!” and I clicked the bet button. He checkraised.

I now pulled out the biggest weapon in my online poker arsenal. I let my clock run down to as close to zero as I dare. Everyone in the online poker world if they are worth their weight in salt knows that a long stall followed by a bet or raise is as powerful a move as one can make. It virtually screams “I HAVE THE NUTS!”

I then typed into the chat box “RERAISW!” and was about to hit the raise button when I noticed my typo and quickly typed the correct “RERAISE~” and was again about to hit the raise button when I noticed the new typo and as I was correcting this one the online software folded my hand.

CallTheMall did not show his hand as the online dealer pushed all the chips over to him. There is not an online player in existence who wouldn’t have showed the Ten[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] in that situation if they held it. Everyone but me is too vain not to share their Royal Flush. I therefore know for certain he never had it and would have folded to my reraise if not for my idiot keyboard.

My play was therefore as correct and unchallengeable as it always is, and no one, no one I tell you, can convince me otherwise.

[Mackerel]

LMAO...an instant classic....

[StellarWind]

.

[DMBFan23]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

[Bottled Rockets]

AWESOME.

special style points for the Intro quote &
With him having to act twice I was half way home.

Better than Saturday Night Live.

[Monty Cantsin]

/mc

[LimitLoser]

i want to have manbabies with you

[BarronVangorToth]

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Kudos - this is a brilliant bit of parody.

Barron Vangor Toth
BarronVangorToth.com

[Levarkin]

Now this is how one writes an entertaining parody; demonstrating that the magazine forum can, occasionally, trump the magazine itself. Cheers also to Barron for taking a moment out from the "On the Edge" discussion to be a good sport.

[BarronVangorToth]

[ QUOTE ]
Now this is how one writes an entertaining parody; demonstrating that the magazine forum can, occasionally, trump the magazine itself. Cheers also to Barron for taking a moment out from the "On the Edge" discussion to be a good sport.

[/ QUOTE ]


My good-sportedness knows no bounds -- I've already forwarded the above to everyone in my personal address book as it's uncanny how well he sounds like me.

I'm touched that anyone would go to the bother - and, even still, go to the bother and do it so perfectly.

As soon as the webmaster for my site is back from his vacation, I'm linking to this page as it's bound to be a fun read for BVT.com regulars who mostly wouldn't see this unless I do the link.

If only he had wedged "ahoy" in there, then it would've been perfect.

Barron Vangor Toth
BarronVangorToth.com