Funniest thing you've heard while playing online.

[Vertigo50]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm reporting you! You've just been reported for being a bot!" He kept "explaining" to the table that I'll play few hands but play them very aggressively. Some people didn't even know what a bot was. This guy felt so smart. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm surprised no one pointed out to him that he was trying to talk to a bot. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[TwoShedsJackson]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry, forgot the reason I came here - this just happened on pokerroom - I don't know why I found this incredibly funny maybe it's just the blunt reaction to all that pokertalk...or maybe it's just late...



Player 1 : How can you call that?
Player 1 : You were less tha-n 8% to win the pot having only 3 outs, I didn't give you the pot oddds to call .
Player 1 : You have no understanding of pot equity.
Player 1 : I bet you don't even know what M is?
Player 1 : or reverse implied odds are??
Player 1 : LOL
Player 2 : F**k off.


I love pokerroom and it's uncensored chat room sometimes.

[/ QUOTE ]

Quality [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Vertigo50]

I was playing a $20 buyin tourney at someone's house. About 15 players, and they all suck. Two of the guys are boasting about how much they win playing in all these home games each week. One guy is like, "I made about $200 last month playing these games." The other guy is like, "That's nothing, I made about $300 last month. It was a really good month."

This was obviously a lie by both of them, because they were terrible players.

After a while I couldn't take it anymore and said, "Yeah? I make about $800 EVERY month 4-tabling online."

Moron #1 looks at me and says, "What's 4-tabling?"

I said, "I play 4 tables at once."

The whole table erupts into laughter, and Moron #2 says, "Yeah, sure buddy, like anybody could play more than one game at a time."
*nods of agreement and laughter all around*

I didn't have the heart to tell them that 4-tabling is the low end of the scale. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[miketurner]

[ QUOTE ]
I was playing a $20 buyin tourney at someone's house. About 15 players, and they all suck. Two of the guys are boasting about how much they win playing in all these home games each week. One guy is like, "I made about $200 last month playing these games." The other guy is like, "That's nothing, I made about $300 last month. It was a really good month."

This was obviously a lie by both of them, because they were terrible players.

After a while I couldn't take it anymore and said, "Yeah? I make about $800 EVERY month 4-tabling online."

Moron #1 looks at me and says, "What's 4-tabling?"

I said, "I play 4 tables at once."

The whole table erupts into laughter, and Moron #2 says, "Yeah, sure buddy, like anybody could play more than one game at a time."
*nods of agreement and laughter all around*

I didn't have the heart to tell them that 4-tabling is the low end of the scale. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

I’m sorry, could you underline or italicize the part that you heard while playing online? (I know you saw the other thread about things you’ve heard playing live, as you filled it with insults.) While your at it... could you do the same for the funny part? Surely this isn’t a lame brag post in disguise, is it?

[mikehildebrand]

My buddy Kyle and I play a lot of poker together, both B&M, online and at our underground weekly. We are also both fans of Arnie, so we continually try to come up with the most absent Arnold Schwarzenegger saying at the most oppurtune times. The current favorite is "GET TO THE CHOPPA!" from Predator. This came out during a round of poker and beer at our underground, to which everybody laughed at poor Kyle, cause we thought it was pretty funny.

Flash forward to a MTT at the Wendover Nugget, he is down to the final table, is about to knock out a player, prematurely, yells out "GET TO THE CHOPPA!" right as the river turned, giving the villain the nut flush. I swear. two shades of red later and that place was deathly quiet, you could hear crickets. From the gallery though, and this makes it, you could here someone say "You are one ugly Motha F...."

[Vertigo50]

[ QUOTE ]
I’m sorry, could you underline or italicize the part that you heard while playing online?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sorry, should I underline the 12 or so posts about live play above mine?

[luke4130]

One of my favourite donators sits into my game and posts UTG. I'm sitting on the button with 9s8s and it folds round to me, i make my standard raise, the blinds fold and our friend calls. The flop comes 10s 6d Ac. I make a continuation bet and he thinks for a bit before writing in the chat 'I HAVE A3. YOU HAVE KK' and folds. What a guy.

[McBusto]

Online player with name "Nouche003"

He is berating people for their play. He soon busts out.

Someone says "What a nouchebag".

[Tybo]

Live 4-8 game. Old man calls young guy's raise and chases him down with some junk hand.

Young guy: "How the hell can you call an $8 raise with that crap?!"

Old man: "Son, I'd pay $8 to watch a monkey f*ck a football."

[Gammastyle]

Bump. This always makes me smile.