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#1
06-20-2006, 12:15 PM
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Write a story using puns.....
Here's mine:
We have a new neighbor named Margarine. She’s from Grease, butter husband (Oleo) isn’t. He comes from Mazola, Montana. They recently moved here from Land-o-Lakes for their Health. Smart! You Canola imagine my surprise when they introduced their kids, Lard and Pam. Pam is a light, airy spray of a child while Lard could use a little exercise. Actually, he is so heavy that their Valvolines to one side when he gets in. “Oil be working at the supermarket”, said Oleo. “My celery is tallow to support us, so Margarine will be bacon some pies to help with the Household Finances. Lard’s gonna help out at Parmesan’s place feeding the cows and Pam wants to Parkay her stock earnings into a Fortune. Magazine she reads clams it is possible….” Said Pam, “Aerosol my research”, revealing a spread sheet of Marie’s Callender of Top Ramen Catholic hollandaise. “Excel Lent isn’t it? I’ve taken a Wesson or two, but am still learning. I hope to find my pot at the end of this Rainbow. Bread is hard to make, but we all knead it”. “Splenda work, Pam. Looks like you’ll gopher in Life.” I said. Suddenly, her Brother lunged for the paper. “I wanna see it too!” Lard said with a Shout. “Keebler hands off of that!” Pam yelled as she Smucker punched him in the Lexus. He was in a jam. “I don’t like you anymore. I Wisk I had a Nutter Butter!” Gasping for Nair and feeling really Disney, Lard Weebled and wobbled for a second or two. Then Downy went on one knee, trying to focus on the distant Verizon. “Can you hear me now? Good” said Pam. “I Woolite you up if you doodad again.” “Now All My Children settle down!” ordered Margarine. “You cola hurt somebody.” “Sorry about that, they are both so Tempur-pedic. Spring Air I Guess, but it Serta makes me mad. They are both grounded, no Simmons in the pool for them today.” Margarine said. Slacker 
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#2
06-20-2006, 02:21 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
Son of a Buick,
For Chrysler's sake, Who Chevy'd all over My Ford V8?
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#3
06-21-2006, 12:20 AM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
Insert crickets chirping sound here.
Officially killing lame thread: A frog walks into a bank. Goes to the loan officer (Patti Black) and asks for a loan. Loan officer: Who are you? Frog: I am Frog. Son of Jagger. Loan officer: What do you have for collateral? Frog: I have this. (Hands over small porcelain turtle). LO: The bank president has to approve this. I'll be back. LO: Sir, there is a frog asking for money in the lobby. He has this for collateral (hands over turtle). What the f*ck is this and what do I do now? Bank President: It's a knick-knack, Patti Black. Give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone.... Die thread, die.
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#4
06-21-2006, 01:37 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
[ QUOTE ]
Insert crickets chirping sound here. Officially killing lame thread: A frog walks into a bank. Goes to the loan officer (Patti Black) and asks for a loan. Loan officer: Who are you? Frog: I am Frog. Son of Jagger. Loan officer: What do you have for collateral? Frog: I have this. (Hands over small porcelain turtle). LO: The bank president has to approve this. I'll be back. LO: Sir, there is a frog asking for money in the lobby. He has this for collateral (hands over turtle). What the f*ck is this and what do I do now? Bank President: It's a knick-knack, Patti Black. Give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone.... Die thread, die. [/ QUOTE ] NICE
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#5
06-21-2006, 06:18 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
An out-of-work cabbie gets the only job he can find: driving an elementary school bus. When he gets to the depot, the boss shows him the bus he'll be driving -- it's hideously ugly, painted with Sesame Street characters; he hates Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch, but anything for a paycheck. He gets his route map and starts his first day of work.
At the first stop, he picks up two really fat twin girls. The first one gets on and says, "Hi, I'm Patty." The second one also says, "Hi, I'm Patty." Driver shivers and drives on. The next stop, a retarded kid scrambles onto the boss, and smiles through his braces to say: "Hi, I'm Ross... and I'm special!" The next stop, a disgusting kid with stringy hair slinks onto the bus. He smells like crap. "Hi, I'm Lester. Lester Sleaze." Driver says, "All right, get in the BACK of the bus." He keeps driving towards the school and notices a stench wafting through the air. It's awful. "Lester, is that you?" "Yeah." "Are your shoes off?" "Yeah. I've got a bunyon that I'm picking." Driver pulls over, gets out, and pukes. He drops the kids off and races back to the depot to tell his boss he's quitting. "Why? Was it that bad?" "Yeah, dude. I mean... two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Sleaze pickin' a bunyon, all on a Sesame Street Bus!"
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#6
06-21-2006, 06:32 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
[ QUOTE ]
An out-of-work cabbie gets the only job he can find: driving an elementary school bus. When he gets to the depot, the boss shows him the bus he'll be driving -- it's hideously ugly, painted with Sesame Street characters; he hates Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch, but anything for a paycheck. He gets his route map and starts his first day of work. At the first stop, he picks up two really fat twin girls. The first one gets on and says, "Hi, I'm Patty." The second one also says, "Hi, I'm Patty." Driver shivers and drives on. The next stop, a retarded kid scrambles onto the boss, and smiles through his braces to say: "Hi, I'm Ross... and I'm special!" The next stop, a disgusting kid with stringy hair slinks onto the bus. He smells like crap. "Hi, I'm Lester. Lester Sleaze." Driver says, "All right, get in the BACK of the bus." He keeps driving towards the school and notices a stench wafting through the air. It's awful. "Lester, is that you?" "Yeah." "Are your shoes off?" "Yeah. I've got a bunyon that I'm picking." Driver pulls over, gets out, and pukes. He drops the kids off and races back to the depot to tell his boss he's quitting. "Why? Was it that bad?" "Yeah, dude. I mean... two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Sleaze pickin' a bunyon, all on a Sesame Street Bus!" [/ QUOTE ] God I hate myself for laughin at this
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#7
06-21-2006, 06:52 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
Google "Wet Dream" by Kip Adotta. Thread over.
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#8
06-21-2006, 07:13 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
Private Joker, that was priceless!
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#9
06-21-2006, 07:25 PM
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Re: Write a story using puns.....
[ QUOTE ]
Google "Wet Dream" by Kip Adotta. Thread over. [/ QUOTE ] Eggzachary! Heard that years ago and always thought it was hilarious. Thus, my warped sense of humor and the "Wet Dream" inspired pun-ish thread. Oh, and BTW: A cop once arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That policeman learned never to book a judge by his cover. [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]
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