If you are not married, then you are not "cheating." Period. - Page 8

RunDownHouse · #71 06-13-2006, 05:42 PM

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All,

The only interesting thing about this thread is how people are flaming and hating on the OP(300+ posts) for saying the same thing that Guids(3000+ post is saying). FWIW I think they are wrong, cheating is cheating. JMO

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How is guids cheating if he clearly communicates the parameters of the relationship - which in his case may often include fooling around with other people - and his partner agrees?

This isn't a hard concept, and I don't know why I'm still surprised by the depth of idiocy displayed by some of the people in this thread.

LearnedfromTV · #72 06-13-2006, 05:56 PM

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You are absolutely right that people should date many other people until they figure out who is the best for them, and then get married.

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Yes. (Or maybe never get married).

What they shouldn't do is make promises to people they are dating and then break them. If you choose not to make promises, you can't cheat. But to say you can't cheat before you get married is false. An unmarried person can make a promise and then break it.

Why would someone make a promise they are willing to break? Usually because the promise gets them something they can't get otherwise from someone who prefers to be deluded or can't tell the difference, usually because that person is similarly weak and making a promise they are willing to break as well.

The difference between this happening before marriage and after is only a matter of scale.

By the way "I promise not to sleep with anyone else unless we've decided to break up and talked through why we are breaking up, even if it is more painful for one of us than the other." is a promise that can be broken. So is "I won't sleep with anyone else without telling you." So is a marriage promise. Are some promises more important than others? Of course.

This applies to everything in life, not just marriage. Not following through on promises is a weakness. If you aren't prepared to follow through, don't lie to get a temporary benefit.

Anacardo · #73 06-13-2006, 06:46 PM

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The negative responses are just more proof that many in oot take it up the butt from the strap on's worn by their feminazi girlfriends.

You are absolutely right that people should date many other people until they figure out who is the best for them, and then get married.

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Nobody is advocating the position you're decrying. And you're really, really loathsome, and I really wish a large rock would fall on you.

gusmahler · #74 06-13-2006, 06:47 PM

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I think there are two levels of commitment: (1) marriage, and (2) everything else, which I consider to be not a real commitment.

Everyone else, however, seems to think there's some sort of "continuum" of commitment and relationships, that may or may not include marriage.

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You honestly think there isn't any difference at all between two people on their third date together and an unmarrried couple who've been together 10 years, own a house together, and have a child together?

AlphaWice · #75 06-13-2006, 06:56 PM

I realize I'm in the minority, but I thank OP for this PSA. Atleast he tried.

DrewDevil · #76 06-13-2006, 06:57 PM

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I think there are two levels of commitment: (1) marriage, and (2) everything else, which I consider to be not a real commitment.

Everyone else, however, seems to think there's some sort of "continuum" of commitment and relationships, that may or may not include marriage.

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You honestly think there isn't any difference at all between two people on their third date together and an unmarrried couple who've been together 10 years, own a house together, and have a child together?

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The house, meh... 60 days to close escrow. That's not a commitment, it's a jointly-owned illiquid asset.

The child obviously is (or should be) a huge commitment--that adds a whole new level to the equation. I would like to think that bf/gfs who have children together are more likely to stay together. Sadly, however, I doubt that's really the case, judging from what I read.

oneeye13 · #77 06-13-2006, 07:36 PM

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Ah, but you see, unlike you, my wife and I both understand that marriage is a different level of commitment from just a boyfriend/girlfriend.

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you might want to check with her on this one...

gusmahler · #78 06-13-2006, 07:36 PM

You didn't answer the bulk of the question. An unmarried couple who has been together 10 years versus a couple who's been together 1 month. Is there a difference?

poboy · #79 06-13-2006, 08:03 PM

I was wrong. Upon further review Guids is not talking about relationships, but rather [censored] buddies. You obviously can't cheat when you aren't in a relationship to begin with.

guids · #80 06-14-2006, 01:45 AM

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I was wrong. Upon further review Guids is not talking about relationships, but rather [censored] buddies. You obviously can't cheat when you aren't in a relationship to begin with.

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Im not wrong. Why do you have to commit to someone to havve a relationship with them? If you like them, enjoy their company, have some laughs, care about them, and enjoy the sex, how is not seeing them exclusively going to affect their relationship? Its not. Random dbags are the ones who have to label and define things. Why should I listen to random dbags?