ugh women really are all about the money.

[talentdeficit]

nl,

they're not treating you differently because you have no money, they're treating you differently because, by your own wealth concious standards, you're a failure. it's a stinky cologne.

[Cubswin]

Women are not all about money, they are all about stablility.

[CallMeIshmael]

I havent really read the thread, but in defense of the girl in question: this is pretty hard wired into her genes.

For millions of years, women have sought after men who can provide for their young. Woman today are no different (even if the two of you dont plan to have kids in the near future, women are still far more attracted to resoures than men are)

In the OP you said:

[ QUOTE ]
I used to think I had the perfect girl. A smart, pretty, independent and one that didn't care too much about money.

[/ QUOTE ]

To men, attractiveness in their mate is far more important than it is for females. I mean, when you describe her as 'pretty', would it be as ok for her to describe you to her friends as 'rich'?

Also, a hypotheical: lets say that she was in some accident that caused her face to become mangled. Lets assume that her prettiness percentile dropped in a similar fahsion to your resource drop.

For example, lets say that driving a BMW/nice diners/etc puts you in the 95th percentile for people in her dating 'range'. Now, that you've run bad and cant take her out, and have a honda, you are in the 65th. (the numbers are of course completely made up, but lets just go with it)

Well, imagine whatever happened to her drops her 30 percentiles in attractiveness. 30% more of the population just became more attractive to you than her.


Are you certain you would still be totally into this relationship?



FWIW, this can be seen as kind of a dick post. And it isnt tried to be (and I def. feel for you man. this situation does blow) but I feel society sees more of a problem with women being attracted to men for their money than men being attracted to women for their looks. And I think this is unfair.

[Chissmoose]

[ QUOTE ]


Also stare into my avatar for 5 minutes to receive full spiritual healing. Seriously

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. And to think I didn't even know I needed healing...

[Hopey]

[ QUOTE ]
Women are not all about money, they are all about stablility.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good point. And money helps provide stability, but you don't necessarily have to be "rich" to provide stability. However, being poor doesn't give one an air of someone who can provide long-term stability.

[El Diablo]

NL,

You largely get judged by how you define yourself. It sounds like you really defined yourself and your identity as a guy with money (fancy car, extravagant lifestyle, etc.) and so when that changed, the very thing by which you had defined yourself to a lot of people had changed. I really do think that's more of the issue than the money itself.

[Ed Miller]

[ QUOTE ]
You largely get judged by how you define yourself. It sounds like you really defined yourself and your identity as a guy with money (fancy car, extravagant lifestyle, etc.) and so when that changed, the very thing by which you had defined yourself to a lot of people had changed. I really do think that's more of the issue than the money itself.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. Also, many of the people in your life who know you play poker seriously will not, deep in their heart, believe that you (or anyone else) actually makes money at it. They believe no matter how expensive your car is or how much money you SEEM to have, that eventually your gambling habit will break you.

You validated thier concern. You said your family is looking at you differently. You're a "gambling addict" now, and they are looking at you the same way they would if a bag of coke fell out of your pocket in front of them.

In time you can redefine yourself, get back on your feet financially, and heal this wound. But I think that you're experiencing the social stigma of being a poker player, not the greediness of women.

EDIT: BTW, it's cool that you sucked it up and downgraded your stuff when your finances suffered rather than kept the lifestyle and got yourself into major debt. If the world viewed your situation logically, they'd applaud you for your positive reaction to a bad situation rather than condemn you for getting yourself into the situation (everyone makes mistakes, yada yada). But people aren't logical.

[NLfool]

[ QUOTE ]
NL,

You largely get judged by how you define yourself. It sounds like you really defined yourself and your identity as a guy with money (fancy car, extravagant lifestyle, etc.) and so when that changed, the very thing by which you had defined yourself to a lot of people had changed. I really do think that's more of the issue than the money itself.

[/ QUOTE ]

The car was the only real nice thing I ever spent significant money on. In reality if I knew I would blow my money I'd have been really materialistic and bought tangible things with it while I had it. I really wish I had been smarter and moved out of state and bought real estate. I was very stupid, there is no denying that.

But the original topic was just a very sad and true observation that I really noticed being on such extreme opposites in a short time. Seeing as you like the word busto so much you can add me to the list. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]Though I'm not official busto, I'm just taking an extended hiatus [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[AAAA]

[ QUOTE ]
'maximize my banging per capita'

[/ QUOTE ]

i do get the drift of the phrase, but isn't it more like

maximizing my bang for the buck? or are you really looking to bang as much of the population as possible?

[AAAA]

[ QUOTE ]
it just may mean that she enjoys spending time with the rich guy because he's a lot more fun than a guy who is completly broke.

[/ QUOTE ]

to the OP...very likely your attitude changed when your financial status changed. you likely were not much fun to be around unless you had found ways to entertain on a budget. it is totally possible to have fun walking in the park and doing other low budget things, but not if you exude the loss of your money instead of the quality of your personality.

the other main thing is that women who want to participate in a partnership with a man who is successful don't like to see when their man has screwed up as much as you appear to have done. you might take a bit more responsibility for the poor management instead of calling her a gold digger even if you are right about her...it won't help you as much as focusing on yourself.

but if you want to moan for a limited engagement, just make sure you keep yourself on track and know better what you want in a woman...