girlfriend's new job...wtf

[Bluffoon]

Sorry this is going to sound harsh. She chose to take a job and move far away from you. She would rather take a trip to africa than save her time to spend with you and she cant be bothered to come see you perform at your Jazz festival.

It doesnt sound like you are a big priority to her.

[ElaineMonster]

This is her deal and you shouldn't interfere unless you're willing and able to support her AND she wants your advice.

[bobman0330]

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What do you guys think of this situation? Am I overreacting? What would you do or say to this organization? Keep in mind that she really wants to work there and has basically made a two-year commitment to do so.

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Don't do or say anything. You may not be overreacting now, but if you get into an argument about it, it seems like you'll slip into overreaction territory pretty soon.

[Gildwulf]

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Sorry this is going to sound harsh. She chose to take a job and move far away from you. She would rather take a trip to africa than save her time to spend with you and she cant be bothered to come see you perform at your Jazz festival.

It doesnt sound like you are a big priority to her.

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It is a bit more complicated than this. I moved back to Montreal in January and we agreed we wanted to move to Toronto together after she graduated in April. I needed to find a short-term job so I found a contract for 6 months (until September). A month later she got offered a two-year commitment in Toronto but on the condition that she had to start in May. So we are basically doing long distance until I move back to Toronto.

The point is not that I want to prohibit her from going to Africa since I am going to be living in Toronto by then anyways. The point is that she is going to be spending her vacation days on this and not going to my concert which is basically a breakout into the international music scene.

On a sidenote, we are a great couple, are very compatible and almost never fight. This is our first fight in a long time and it just happens to be pretty serious.

[FishNChips]

not even close to enough info here to give actual good advice but, wtf, I'll take a shot:

1 - its her job and her life. If she wants to go to Africa then the money shouldn't piss you off. If she's willing to give up 3.5 vacation days, that (by itself) shouldn't piss you off. Wether or not the NFP org should "charge" their employess or take vacation days away for this trip is not really any of your business.

2 - Don't get pissed about her not seeing you enough until she isn't seeing you enough. Can you go visit her for long weekends (travel on Friday, return late Sunday or even Monday?). She still has 6.5 days of vacation, she can take a week's trip with you if you plan it around a week that she'll have a Mon or Fri holiday and she can still get home to see her folks for the Christmas Holidays using 2.5 days if she plans carefully. Don't get pissy about it just yet.

3 - I don't know how big a deal it is that your singing at the jazz festival, but if she can't go, she can't go. You have to decide how much her support means to you.

4 - You guys are going to need to decide pretty quick what the long term prospects are for you. What is the 2 year plan? Is she working in Toronto long term? Indefinately? Can you take your jazz singing ass to Toronto and work? This is stuff you should have discussed already or be in discussions about now or start soon because "we have a long distance relationship ... not sure when that's going to end" isn't the same as "we're both going home for summer break, but we'll be back together once fall semester starts." If there's no plan to end up in the same city, you'll never end up in the same city and you'll both have wasted 6 mo, a year, 2 years.

5 - to appease OOT : does she let you SIIHP? If so, visit Toronto as often as possible and don't bitch about the rest of it. If not, dump her and find someone who will.

~FishNChips

[Gildwulf]

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This is her deal and you shouldn't interfere unless you're willing and able to support her AND she wants your advice.

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I have been willing and able to support her this whole time. I am supporting her in taking a job that will make things very financially difficult for us and I grudgingly accepted that she couldn't come to my concert because she wanted to save her vacation days/didn't want to anger her employers.

And she obviously wants my advice; we are best friends and I'm her boyfriend and she obviously wants my input.

[KDawg]

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because I am singing at the Montreal Jazz fest

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You should support your bf's new job.

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Yea, because performing jazz in front of thousands of people is gay.

You are retarded.

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Yes. Canadian + jazz singing = the gay.

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at least by saying yes you are acknowledging the fact that you are retarded and then support that fact by making yet again another retarded statement.

OP, this is a prety weak situation. Something needs to get ironed out as something just isn't strking me as right with the whole situation. I'd be pretty pissed(and rightly so) if my GF was blowing off a performance at a major festival of mine for no other real reason then she didn't want to use up vacation days. Maybe there is something that you are leaving out of the post, because that fact in of itself doesn't bode well, IMO

[dun_noo]

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because I am singing at the Montreal Jazz fest

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You should support your bf's new job.

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Yea, because performing jazz in front of thousands of people is gay.

You are retarded.

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Yes. Canadian + jazz singing = the gay.

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American + world trade centers = dead

[daryn]

yo, anyone hating on gildwulf, stfu, guy has pipes!

[Gildwulf]

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yo, anyone hating on gildwulf, stfu, guy has pipes!

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thanks