guilt by association

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]

also you should give specifics and this thread will really take off.

[/ QUOTE ]

my story is kinda retarded. plus i don't really want to know what people would have done in my situation, but their own. although i agree it would make the thread more interesting w/ more stories.

i think what got me thinking about this the other day was when i was watching the real world, and fitz was talking about how some guy hit her, and her boyfriend was being buddy-buddy with the guy the next day , and she was bothered that he would stay friends with that guy because she expects someone to be willing to stick up for her or whatever. i can relate to that feeling. (no, nothing like that happened to me, i mean the feeling of people not sticking up for you when they should).

[James Boston]

[ QUOTE ]
some guy hit her, and her boyfriend was being buddy-buddy with the guy the next day , and she was bothered that he would stay friends with that guy because she expects someone to be willing to stick up for her or whatever

[/ QUOTE ]

That's completely different from what you originally described, or at least my interpretation of it.

If a guy remain friends with someone who assaults his girlfriend, that's really, really sh**ty. Remaining friends with someone who's general behavior has made one of your other friends decide to disassociate themself from them is not in the same league.

[gorie]

i think it does relate , kind of. to someone it might take something on that level to not want anything to do with that person (phsyical assault). to some it could just be as little as a lie or being rude towards them.. the situation i described above can result in the same situation i think.

everyone is going to have a different definition of what 'bad enough to want nothing to do with this person again' is...

anyway maybe you're right. but i was just saying thats what got me thinking about it.

[sykotic]

I'm in a very similar situation to this right now =/

I don't know what to do at all.

[James Boston]

I must have misunderstood your original post. I didn't get the impression you disassociated yourself with this person over something they did to you. I thought it was something they did, completely unrelated to their relationship with you, that you just didn't approve of and decided to no longer keep this person's company.

My original point still stands though. It's not fair to expect your friends to get involved in your personal disagreements. Notice my use of the work "disagreement." I think there's a big difference in something two people disagree on that results in the end of a relationship, and something commonly accepeted as being wrong that results in the end of a relationship.

Take a boyfriend-girlfriend breaking up- they didn't get along, got bored with each other, or whatever. I hate when the person who feels the most slighted expects their friends to join in their disliking of this person, and in some cases, throw civil behavior and courtesy out the window. However if the relationship ended because the guy beat the girl, he shouldn't expect anyone close to her to ever associate with him again, and she would have the right to feel slighted by her close friends remaining friends with him.