I'm going to hell...

[Woolygimp]

Was grinding 5/5 last night at the local casino when this arab guy sits down who people know as Czar, or Lazar or something like that. He's [censored]-eyed so when he looks at the flop one eye stares directly at you, while one is slanted off to the side. I swear it's the strangest thing in the world, it's almost as if he plays without looking a the flop... which would explain a lot about his playstyle.

Anyway, the guy is retarded. He's got to be. He sits down, and the very first hand I push him in on the turn. He calls, I win. He sees that I have him covered, so he pulls out his wallet and tries to give me the difference in chips because he thought he had to cover my all-in. The dealer has to go, "no, no czar you don't do that."

This guy brings bad play to new heights, and I feel genuinely guilty for following him around. He called a $165 RR preflop with Js9s the night before, then got the rest of his $400 stack in on a 2s2c4c flop. He ended up winning the hand with a runner runner flush, but man...

I asked a dealer that I knew to find out what the guy did for a living, and if he said something like I'm a millionaire I'd feel less guilty. Instead the dealer goes, "Czar what do you do for a living?" The response? "I werk herd."

...............................

When I say he's retarded, I mean it. I'm not talking about dumb people retarded, I'm talking about clinically retarded as in only 2.8% of my brain works. Autism.

Beat: I'm going to hell for following a retarded, cockeyed, arab fish around.

Brag: I'll be richer because of it.

Variance: I just stepped on a ketchup packet and splattered it on my rug.