I\'m going to hell...
 

Was grinding 5/5 last night at the local casino when this arab guy sits down who people know as Czar, or Lazar or something like that. He's [censored]-eyed so when he looks at the flop one eye stares directly at you, while one is slanted off to the side. I swear it's the strangest thing in the world, it's almost as if he plays without looking a the flop... which would explain a lot about his playstyle.

Anyway, the guy is retarded. He's got to be. He sits down, and the very first hand I push him in on the turn. He calls, I win. He sees that I have him covered, so he pulls out his wallet and tries to give me the difference in chips because he thought he had to cover my all-in. The dealer has to go, "no, no czar you don't do that."

This guy brings bad play to new heights, and I feel genuinely guilty for following him around. He called a $165 RR preflop with Js9s the night before, then got the rest of his $400 stack in on a 2s2c4c flop. He ended up winning the hand with a runner runner flush, but man...

I asked a dealer that I knew to find out what the guy did for a living, and if he said something like I'm a millionaire I'd feel less guilty. Instead the dealer goes, "Czar what do you do for a living?" The response? "I werk herd."

...............................

When I say he's retarded, I mean it. I'm not talking about dumb people retarded, I'm talking about clinically retarded as in only 2.8% of my brain works. Autism.

Beat: I'm going to hell for following a retarded, cockeyed, arab fish around.

Brag: I'll be richer because of it.

Variance: I just stepped on a ketchup packet and splattered it on my rug.

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

WOOLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

variance = nice

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

your going to hell for your definition of autism

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

When I first started grinding the lower stakes (6/12 or 8/16 cannot remember) limit games in Vegas there was this guy at the Red Rock casino who had to be mentally ill. He couldn't fold, he never bet, and he certainly never won. I always felt bad valuebetting 3rd pair against him. I never asked the dealers what his deal was and one night we got 3 handed with me, my buddy, and him and we took all of his money, he just kept pulling out hundos and kept reloading.

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

but is he happy, happiness is everymans dream, amirite?

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

There is an alcoholic at the local casino I go to who is there everynight from 6pm-midnight getting passout drunk. He raises 85% of his hands and bets all three streets. He apparently got some settlement for being hurt on the job. His brother is the floor manager and he said hes pissed through about half a million in almost 2 years... PLAYING 1/2$ asdfaskldjhgh!

There is another guy, some asian who owns a couple convenience stores. His name is Tiger and he will play for 48 hours straight or more, basically sleeping sitting up at the tables. If you catch him dazing off you can yell TIGER AWW IN! and he will think about it, smile, and go TIGEW AWW IN! for any amount with any cards. Somtimes his wife will go up there and just yell at him for hours in vietnamese or some [censored].

Not exactly retards but free money you almost feel bad taking advantage of.

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

Funniest thread in a long while. The sheer human misery, I´m laughing so hard I´m crying.

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

for some reason the variance part made me LOL really hard

Re: I\'m going to hell...
 

So would you go to hell for just appearing to be autistic? It may be +EV.