OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

I don't really know where to start or to end. If I hadn't been drinking at all tonight this post would perhaps be so muchlonger and clearer, but then again I might never have posted it. I don't care if I get a star for it, get banned, get criticism ridiculing me for being a soft [censored] for all of these years, whatever. I feel like I need to vent and to just vent to myself through NotePad text wouldn't feel the same to me.

I'll try to keep the outline as brief as I can. I have a strange history in relationships. Low-down:

* I'm 26
* I've had (what I consider) one serious relationship - total of 4 years, although this was on and off
* I've had probably 3 more relationships that were nowhere NEAR as significant as said relationship above
*I've had TWO sexual partners - one being the in 4 year relationship, the other a drunken "f*ck up" while in Vegas with 3 friends.

I am shy around girls. I am soft at heart. Although I see a girl in a pub/bar/club and the first thing I think of is like any other dude (do I need to say this?), I AM getting along in life and worrying about being alone.

I am in a unique situation in that my ex-girlfriend (the significant one) is living out the back of my house. I live with my parents, for now, although this was going to change very soon. The way that she ended up living out the back is weird - she was living with her "then" boyfriend for close to two years before things went "not so good" for the two of them. Her parents moved 400mi north, and she needed somewhere to stay. She happened to be tutoring my 10yo sister at the time - my parents suggested that she move into the back because it was catered towards someone that wanted something with 1 bedroom and it was cheap - and she took the deal. She talked to me about it prior and asked me if I would be alright with it, but to be honest at the time I saw it as a chance to patch things up with her, especially since I knew things with her and her bf at the time were, to but it bluntly, sh*t, so I agreed that it would be a good idea.

As soon as she moved in, she went cold on me. Don't know what reason. I found out that she had taken up smoking, despite a good 4 years of complaining to me that she thought it was disgusting and she couldn't comprehend why her father would go into hospital to see his father dying on the bed only to light up when he left the hospital.

There are a lot of other things in between that I could write a novel about, but they're probably insignificant - I feel like I have painted the picture enough.

Last week while she was in my room chatting because "she hadn't spoken to me in a while" (read: a week) - she passed me a note saying that if I felt like a drink on the weekend, to let her know. As it turned out I was busy that weekend, but felt somewhat guilty for not getting back to her re: doing something and while I was out the other day, saw a pot plant (I know she loves flowers) and bought it for her sort of under the pretense that I would leave a note with it saying something like "saw this in the mall - thought you'd like it. Let's do dinner or movies or a drive or whatever - get back to me or I'll bug you till you do".

That was Tuesday. So I haven't bugged her since - she did ring me and thank me for the flowers, but that's it. Tonight I get home at 11pm and her ex's car is around the corner from my house. It's now 4:15am and it's still there.

I saw myself marrying this girl 10 years ago. I still thought there was a very good chance we would end up together the whole time she has been here. I can't deal with the continued mixed messages she is giving me, and tonight has sent me AWOL. I feel like I am partly to blame because my life is a wreck, and I'm too much of a pussy to approach her and make her lay it on the line. I feel like if I don't bite the bullet soon and tell my parents to kick her out or tell her straight to her face to get the f*ck out and stop prick-teasing me, that it's going to sub-consciously affect my life for the rest of my life. I feel like I am blaming all of my failures in life on her, and I don't know whether that is fair or not, because I know I am the ruler of my own fate, but I also know that she has been that first thing on my mind the moment I lay down to sleep, and the moment I wake up every morning for the past ten years. I love her to death, and I do not know how to stop it.

Do I confront her, tell her I can't deal with this - suck it up - what? My mates tell me that my parents must hate me for letting her rent out the back - perhaps they're right. They also tell me to just get over it - it's not that simple though.

Be harsh on me, but be truthful. Please, wtf do I do? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

I would be pissed at your parents, if I were you. Relationships are hard to get over. I still think about girls I dated four or five years ago.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

i know this is going to be the standard OOT advice, but you have to confront her and probably kick her out. Her presence will bring you nothing but misery, and she's only stringing you along. Moving out yourself would also probably be a good idea, but failing that, she has to go.

I'm sure it's hard to consider that there are other girls out there for you, since you've been fixated for so long on one - and who knows, maybe there aren't any. Regardless, it sounds like a little hopelessness might be good for you, because this girl is not yours now, and never will be again.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

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I live with my parents, for now, although this was going to change very soon.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the first thing to do is fix this posthaste. Her being there, far from being a reason for you to stick around, is even more reason to move the [censored] out.

Alternatively, you could have her kicked out of your house. But I think moving out would be pretty beneficial for you. I find that when I'm at home with my parents, I settle into a lot of old habits/mindsets that I don't have as strongly when I'm at my apartment. As a consequence, I think it would be easier to stop obsessing over this girl that it sounds like you probably shouldn't be with if you got yourself a change of scenery.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Take a deep breath, and realize that this is not the girl you are looking for.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place. EDIT: And it'll teach her for being a moron.

This chick doesn't seem worth it. Too wishy-washy, which just turns into more baggage.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

suck it up. don't let a single women control your emotions like this. plenty of fish in the sea ... the only reason why you want to be with this women is because you THINK she is someone she isn't. get over it, move on with your life.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

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[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

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Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place.


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well, for one, he's 26.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

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[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

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Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place.

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I think its pretty obv that the girl isn't his only prob and I think he'd be happier living elsewhere based on the little info.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

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Thanks Kneeco. I'm actually glad I've gotten two serious responses so far, even though I wouldn't mind some harsh/banterish one to lighten me up. Unfortunately I have too many debts to move out at the moment. Moving out is a big priority of mine, but I can't do it till I clear my debts up. Something I plan to do by this time next year at the LATEST - but I can't do it now, and I'll go insane if I have to keep thinking about that motherf*cker down the back this whole time. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

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Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place.

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He should move out because he's 26 and it seems like a good way to break out of a kind of lovesick moping that seems typical of prolonged adolescence.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Fair 'nuff. I guess I missed the part about his age, so I agree with you guys there. The change of scenery will do a lot.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Why should you be bothered? She's been back a while and showed little interest in re-igniting the flame. Just move on. FWIW, I don't see how she is being a tease here. It's like she cam eon to you or was doing suggestive stuff. When you blew her off for drinks she probably sucked it up and moved on, got lonely and called the ex for some loving.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

This is a tough one, I think you're a bit old to be dealing with this kind of crap though. You've gotten yourself in a pretty bad situation. I think your best bet is to be honest with her, tell her that the relationship isn't going in the direction you'd hoped, and that in order for you to progress as a human and a man, you need her to move out in 30 days or whatever adequate time would be. She either isn't interested in you anymore, or is totally screwed up herself, either way the chances of rekindling a relationship don't sound good.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Wait, so you dated this chick for 4 years, which ended more than 2 years ago, the girl has given you zero signs of being interested in you at all any more, and you're mad at her for "prick teasing" you, etc? Sounds like she hasn't done any teasing, or any leading on, at all. You aren't over her, and that's fair, whatever, feelings don't fade fast, or whatever. But it sounds like she's totally over you, and hasn't in your story at any point made any move that would make a rational person think that she's interested in getting back together with you, or whatever. so yeah, you should grow up.

if you really must tell her how you feel, do so. i doubt it would make her do anything other than feel really awkward about renting out the room though.

also, why when she was sitting there chatting with you did she pass you a note?

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

citanul -

moving in with his parents is a pretty big sign of something - either sheer desperation or delight in OP's misery.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
also, why when she was sitting there chatting with you did she pass you a note?


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I'm a little curious about this myself, actually.

Also, to the OP: Get her out of your life. She's poison to you and you'll never move on if you are constantly seeing her. Out of sight, (eventually) out of mind.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

also, yes, OP is 26, and probably isn't paying rent. the girl is probably paying rent for a bedroom. those of you expecting his parents to "kick the broad out" i'm hoping would be expecting OP to deal with the rent?

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Why should you be bothered? She's been back a while and showed little interest in re-igniting the flame. Just move on. FWIW, I don't see how she is being a tease here. It's like she cam eon to you or was doing suggestive stuff. When you blew her off for drinks she probably sucked it up and moved on, got lonely and called the ex for some loving.

[/ QUOTE ]

As much as I want to punch your head in for saying it, this was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that motherf*ckers car around the corner. Except I don't get when she tells me a while ago that it's "DEFINITELY OVER" between her and f*ckstick. I'm not naive, I know things change and whatever. But I've asked her out before previously (after her moving in sorta) and gotten knocked back, which has kind of taken the edge off of my eagerness to be the one to persue, get my drift. At the same time, I feel like I'm an ass for not being more aggressive trying to fix things up.

Either way here, I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation here. To be honest I don't even know why I posted. I guess what I was really hoping for was 200 replies telling me I was the biggest tool OOT had come across and hopefully that would get my ass into gear and realise that this ho ain't worth it. I'm a pussy though and my heart hurts too much over this bitch.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Wait, so you dated this chick for 4 years, which ended more than 2 years ago, the girl has given you zero signs of being interested in you at all any more, and you're mad at her for "prick teasing" you, etc? Sounds like she hasn't done any teasing, or any leading on, at all. You aren't over her, and that's fair, whatever, feelings don't fade fast, or whatever. But it sounds like she's totally over you, and hasn't in your story at any point made any move that would make a rational person think that she's interested in getting back together with you, or whatever. so yeah, you should grow up.

if you really must tell her how you feel, do so. i doubt it would make her do anything other than feel really awkward about renting out the room though.

also, why when she was sitting there chatting with you did she pass you a note?

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Good f*cking question. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

1) you asked her out, she said no
2) you broke up 2 years ago
3) what you're trying to do isn't "fix things up" when you've been broken up 2 years
4) she isn't interested in you any more as anything more than potentially a friend
5) i really don't understand why you repeatedly call her a ho or a bitch or whatever. she's some girl that you like/love/whatever, and doesn't seem to have done anything wrong at any point.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

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[ QUOTE ]
Why should you be bothered? She's been back a while and showed little interest in re-igniting the flame. Just move on. FWIW, I don't see how she is being a tease here. It's like she cam eon to you or was doing suggestive stuff. When you blew her off for drinks she probably sucked it up and moved on, got lonely and called the ex for some loving.

[/ QUOTE ]

As much as I want to punch your head in for saying it, this was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that motherf*ckers car around the corner. Except I don't get when she tells me a while ago that it's "DEFINITELY OVER" between her and f*ckstick. I'm not naive, I know things change and whatever. But I've asked her out before previously (after her moving in sorta) and gotten knocked back, which has kind of taken the edge off of my eagerness to be the one to persue, get my drift. At the same time, I feel like I'm an ass for not being more aggressive trying to fix things up.

Either way here, I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation here. To be honest I don't even know why I posted. I guess what I was really hoping for was 200 replies telling me I was the biggest tool OOT had come across and hopefully that would get my ass into gear and realise that this ho ain't worth it. I'm a pussy though and my heart hurts too much over this bitch.

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honestly, you are a huge pussy, and that isn't and overstatement at all. I not sure how else to put it, really.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

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To be honest I don't even know why I posted. I guess what I was really hoping for was 200 replies telling me I was the biggest tool OOT had come across

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Naw...there have been MUCH bigger tools in OOT. You don't even crack the top 100. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why should you be bothered? She's been back a while and showed little interest in re-igniting the flame. Just move on. FWIW, I don't see how she is being a tease here. It's like she cam eon to you or was doing suggestive stuff. When you blew her off for drinks she probably sucked it up and moved on, got lonely and called the ex for some loving.

[/ QUOTE ]

As much as I want to punch your head in for saying it, this was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that motherf*ckers car around the corner. Except I don't get when she tells me a while ago that it's "DEFINITELY OVER" between her and f*ckstick. I'm not naive, I know things change and whatever. But I've asked her out before previously (after her moving in sorta) and gotten knocked back, which has kind of taken the edge off of my eagerness to be the one to persue, get my drift. At the same time, I feel like I'm an ass for not being more aggressive trying to fix things up.

Either way here, I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation here. To be honest I don't even know why I posted. I guess what I was really hoping for was 200 replies telling me I was the biggest tool OOT had come across and hopefully that would get my ass into gear and realise that this ho ain't worth it. I'm a pussy though and my heart hurts too much over this bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can either live in the past by feeling sorry for yourself or get on with your life. Since it's your parents home you have no right to kick her out, but that doesn't mean that you have to spend any time with her. Just avoid her and if she comes around you are either busy or don't want to talk to her right now. Move out as soon as you are able so that you will feel independent.

Do you have friends who are confident with women? Go out with them and try to learn or at a minimum be a wing man for a while.

Listen, 1st love is tough for everyone, but you will get over it. She has moved on, which should provide ample motivation for you to move on as well.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why should you be bothered? She's been back a while and showed little interest in re-igniting the flame. Just move on. FWIW, I don't see how she is being a tease here. It's like she cam eon to you or was doing suggestive stuff. When you blew her off for drinks she probably sucked it up and moved on, got lonely and called the ex for some loving.

[/ QUOTE ]

As much as I want to punch your head in for saying it, this was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that motherf*ckers car around the corner. Except I don't get when she tells me a while ago that it's "DEFINITELY OVER" between her and f*ckstick. I'm not naive, I know things change and whatever. But I've asked her out before previously (after her moving in sorta) and gotten knocked back, which has kind of taken the edge off of my eagerness to be the one to persue, get my drift. At the same time, I feel like I'm an ass for not being more aggressive trying to fix things up.

Either way here, I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation here. To be honest I don't even know why I posted. I guess what I was really hoping for was 200 replies telling me I was the biggest tool OOT had come across and hopefully that would get my ass into gear and realise that this ho ain't worth it. I'm a pussy though and my heart hurts too much over this bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]

weren't things definitely over between you two at some point as well? how can you judge her for re-igniting a relationship when that's what you want to do?

also your seeming need to be put down seems to suggest a love for the type of desperate longing you're going through right now - that's very unhealthy. you don't need to be insulted - you're going through a tough time and put yourself in a bad spot. you can either call yourself worthless and long after what's never coming back, or suck it up and throw her out. you just might feel better about yourself if you do that, though in your state i'm not 100% sure that's what you want.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
also, why when she was sitting there chatting with you did she pass you a note?

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Because that makes it much easier to CHECK ONE: Yes ___ No ____

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
1) you asked her out, she said no
2) you broke up 2 years ago
3) what you're trying to do isn't "fix things up" when you've been broken up 2 years
4) she isn't interested in you any more as anything more than potentially a friend
5) i really don't understand why you repeatedly call her a ho or a bitch or whatever. she's some girl that you like/love/whatever, and doesn't seem to have done anything wrong at any point.

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There are a lot of other things in between that I could write a novel about, but they're probably insignificant - I feel like I have painted the picture enough.

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I don't actually mean to call her those things/these names. These are affectionate terms these days.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Learn to free your mind and live without pussy, that is the way of true enlightenment.

In the meantime, make some distance between yourself and your EX. And realize that's all she is. If you want, confront her and tell her you still have feelings and see how that works out. Either do it or don't though, don't sit there and ruminate over it.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

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I saw myself marrying this girl 10 years ago. I still thought there was a very good chance we would end up together the whole time she has been here.

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I had a similar situation a few years ago when I started dating a girl I was very close to in high school. It took me a couple years before I figured it out but I was really in love with the memory of her 10 years ago which was really not all that similar to who she is now.

Make a clean break and put so distance between the two of you. You'll never get your head right if you have to keep seeing her every day.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

You're 26, there's really no reason you should be living with your parents unless you're ill or something. Since you're moving out, the distance and removal from the immediate situation would be a huge help itself.

Furthermore, your parents must be either complete dicks or dead broke to rent a room to your ex-girlfriend, I don't get that one at all.

If this chick had any interest in you she wouldn't be calling her ex-boyfriend over to bang her when she knows in all probability that you're going to see what's up. That's not the way you act if you feel there's a chance a relationship with someone again.

Honestly how often do you ever see a success story where there's a dude just desperately pining away for some chick and it all works out. It doesn't - 90% of the time the dude walks in on her with her ex-boyfriend and the gardener pulling an eiffle tower on her.

Once (most) women realize they have complete control of the situation, it's over.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Lonhro,

What is your drink of choice? When I go on depressed benders I find whiskey is really the only way to roll.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

can you hear the moaning when that dude is laying pipe to your ex?

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Lonhro,

What is your drink of choice? When I go on depressed benders I find whiskey is really the only way to roll.

[/ QUOTE ]


This^

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

#1 - you're an idiot for letting this girl stay in your house
#2 - your parents are idiots for not stopping you

First talk to your parents, and tell them you don't want her there because it makes you very uncomfortable. Remind them that you're their child, and you shouldn't have to dread coming home.

Then, ask her to leave. Give her a reasonable amount of time to find a new place.

On the other hand - you're 26 years old. WTF are you doing living at home? I felt like I was -way- old moving out at age 23. (though I was away 4yrs at college, coming home for that year or so was awful)

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

When I broke up with my girlfriend (only to get back with her two days later) after a booze-fueled and pointless fight, which we both acknowledged, I was in severe emotional pain. I found solace in surfing online dating sites like lavalife and eharmony.

Given that you're shy and it sounds like you don't have a terrible amount of experience "playing the game" (ie. chasing, dating, all that annoying [censored]), I highly recommend that you try out this option.

I found eharmony.com to be fantastic and a few people I know, who are actually very attractive/intelligent people, have had great success on this site. I only mention that they're attractive/intelligent to dissaude the standard "online dating is only for losers and ugly people" myth because it's simply not true.

Anyway, give it a try. Although eHarmony is sort of expensive, lavalife isn't, and it actually does work. I think eHarmony even has a money back guarantee if you don't find someone, though I haven't read the fine print.

Good luck sir.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

It'll probably help OP out a lot more in the long run if he starts acting like an adult and lets the girl stay in the suite. He should probably get a job, a hobby or take up some kind of sport so that he can get into more social situations with different women. Kicking that girl out won't solve the fact that OP is really a wuss.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Ok man some of the responses have been ok, but [censored] moving out. It's your family. And [censored] kicking her out. You need to be a [censored] man. Ignore this stupid game playing trick. From the moment you read this on, you do not care. Ok, I know that you are still gonna care, but you need to tell yourself you don't give a [censored] until you believe it. Fake it til you make baby. It will help to think about all the bad [censored] she has done to help you get over her. (Smoking, swallowing her ex's load under the same roof as you, etc.)

I promise you that if you start ignoring her and acting like you don't give a [censored] what she does that, she is gonna write you another gay ass note. Write her a note back that says "we can go to your room right now and you can suck my wang"

Honestly, you need to go find other women. Talk to them, hug them, hump them. All 3 will help, some more than others. I guarantee that in a month or three of ignoring the she devil and interacting with new she devils, that the tides will be turned and she will want you more than you want her. When that finally happens, you will probably have realized by then that there is better poon to pwn.

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/578/whippedkz6.jpg

And you're worse, because you're not even together anymore!!

Re: OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)
 

Two good pieces of advice so far in this thread:

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Learn to free your mind and live without pussy, that is the way of true enlightenment.

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And

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Take a deep breath, and realize that this is not the girl you are looking for.

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Just after college, I had a rough patch involving a sorta similar thing with a college ex, and it was terrible until I just finally realized "you know what, this girl sucks." I was instantly much happier. If you've seen "High Fidelity," the parts involving Catherine Zeta-Jones are exactly what I'm talking about.