B&M Cliches

[private joker]

Play enough live poker and you start to hear so many cliches from table chatter that you wanna just rip your own ears off. A lot of these are 80 year-old stale "jokes" that, amazingly, people still think are funny. Others are just pathetic one-liners that say nothing and simply tell me that the player is a gigantic piece of Samsonite.

Examples:

* When two guys turn over the same hand and chop the pot, one guy (usually the older, nittier one) always has to say, "You play that junk?!" with a knowing wink, indicating to everyone he has a sense of humor -- because, you see, HE played the SAME cards!

* After someone loses a big pot, in the very next hand they raise preflop and say, "Steam raise!" or "Now you guys got me on tilt!" or something like that. Of course this means he has a monster.

* When somebody checkraises, some guy usually trapped in the middle of it has to say, "Chicken raise!" If not, then he will flop nothing in first position and say, "I check and raise" but when somebody bets, he laughs and folds.

* "Cappuccino!"

* When someone has been card-dead for a while, he will usually say, "Hey dealer! Are there any face cards in that deck?!" This is often followed by somebody else saying, "Setup!"

* The one guy not in the hand will see a ragged flop and say, "Give me my cards back!" Then he looks around the table smiling, looking for affirmation of how funny he is.

I had like ten of these in mind when I decided I was going to start this thread, but I forgot some. Anyway, what else ya got?

[bernie]

All that and you didn't get to the cliche berating and whining lines that people use when they get beat. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Funny post though. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I was imagining faces in my cardroom saying those lines.

b

[omegadan]

Especially at low limits, people who raise or cap a pot preflop and then yell "LOWBALL!" before the flop is dealt.

[threeonefour]

i always thought the whole point of live poker was being a jackass. i think its a 'if you can't beat um join um' kind of a thing

[tom10167]

If the Ace of diamonds comes on the flop, and then 40 hands later it flops again, someone will say "You shuffle that deck dealer?!"

I have one that I use myself, I think it kind of loosens the game up. If anyone steals this without giving credit I will bad beat your soul.
Someoneone will say "You always give me half a hand" or "I always get one card from you." I just say "Look at the same card twice and play accordingly!" Usually gets a laugh from the table.

The sexual innuendos are just retarded, especially since old men never get any.

"She had a BIG pair" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE [censored] FUNNY. All in, she made me raise, blah blah blah STFU

Anyone that uses a Rounders reference(except me because then it's just so surprising it's almost funny) at any time in any circumstance ever.

There are so many more.

EDIT: Folding, laundry. You aren't funny, and women do the laundry, what are you a girl?

When a rock wins two pots in a row and then folds T3o for a raise and says "I'll LET you have this one!" OMG HILARIOUS LOLOLOL
For the last week I've been replacing every verb relating to pressure or aggression with "Chuck Norris."
"You just got Chuck Norrised sir, you can either call or fold."
It's so much better than half the crap I hear so I figure I'll go with it for a while.

[BrunoThePug]

When it checks around...
*" I guess this is a family pot! "

When possible BBJ cards come up (AAK)
*" Ooooohh!! Two of you better have it! "

When the board double pairs (A6677)
*" I win with three pair! "

This isn't cliche, but was terribly lame...

At showdown "I've got a pair... OF THE NUTS!" (it was actually the second nuts)

[Photoc]

"I've got 2 pair...3's and 3's" as the moron slow rolls his quads. I'll ask them "so did you have a pocket pair to start with?"

[DeathDonkey]

I say alot of these. I also like when someone bets and everyone with cards calls - "Did anyone call?"

-DeathDonkey

[tom10167]

There was a 6 way reraise preflop in 20-40 and before the flop came I asked the blinds if they wanted to chop.

Table laughed, and not that 'I laugh because everyone else is' laugh either.

I'm so [censored] good.

[Evan]

[ QUOTE ]
* When someone has been card-dead for a while, he will usually say, "Hey dealer! Are there any face cards in that deck?!" This is often followed by somebody else saying, "Setup!"

[/ QUOTE ]
This would be notable if you didn't live in LA.