Your best wasted story

[Keystone]

Generally speaking I would say that the people in OOT get more wasted than any of the other forums. If all of you are drinking all the time than there must be some pretty good stories from bars/ parties or any other time when you were really [censored] up.

I have a history of heavily abusing alcohol despite the fact that I just turned 21 and have had some wild times. Just to name a few: kicked out of the dorms at orientation 3 months before my freshman year even started (dont ask), hooked up with a woman almost twice my age (cougars rock!), blacked out at a bar a couple days after my 21st birthday and woke up having no clue where I was (I was in detox about 30 min from the bar I got arrested at). There are countless others but I am too lazy to think of them.

So...

What is your best story from a heavy night of drinking?

[whiskeytown]

being put under suicide watch for three days at a locked down mental institution.

lame story.

RB

[Keystone]

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being put under suicide watch for three days at a locked down mental institution.

lame story.

RB

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This sounds like an unhappy wasted story and this story is probably the result of something more than a night of heavy drinking so I think it has little to do with this thread.

[jokerthief]

It's Friday night 5:00. I just got home and it has been a busy week. I have the rest of the night but tomorrow I have to work at 4:00 pm. I have a twelve pack of beer and a liter of vodka.

"Beer before liquor, never been sicker." Hogwash! My gut is lined with steel. Besides, after a good buzz starts to develop, it needs to be fed and beer is too slow. No, now is the time to chill for a few hours and enjoy the beer.

8:00 pm. The beer is gone and my buzz has quickly been supplemented by a couple of shots. I can't believe no one is ready to go to the bar yet. I am eager. My friends know to hide my keys. Pete suggests that I quit drinking the vodka straight. I add some ice cubes and swirl it around. That doesn't pacify him as he snuck tonic into my glass.

At ten I finally convince everyone to go to the bar with me. It was fall and the bars were usually hopping at that time then. It was Long Island Friday at Brothers. Compared to straight vodka, this tasted like cotton candy. For a couple of hours every thing is quiet. Then we decide to walk down the block to get some delusions, the super powerful drink that wins you a shirt if you can drink ten of them.

It always seems that all conflicts happen en route to the bar. "What's this? These men seem angry at each other. Don't they understand that I'm drunk and happy"? I approach the two strangers and attempt to broker a peace deal. Now they both want to fight me for spitting in their faces and belittling them for failing to understand. At this point I have very little control over my saliva while talking, let alone while preaching the virtues of the best way to enjoy a buzz. Alas douche bags, my entourage is too big you will have no satisfaction today as I am dragged away by my friends.

We get to the Grand Illusion and promptly order our delusions. After one I decide to take a power nap in one of the booths to freshen up. I awake, my friends say an hour later, with a pipe in my mouth. "Ha, I knew that would get him up!" I hear a strange man say. I could go for some weed. Yes, I think I'll have some. I light the bowl and am having troubles. This doesn't taste like any weed I've smoked before. "Your smoking coke dude!" The strange man says. I quickly get indignant. "Coke is supposed to be snorted you [censored]!" The strange man, who has suddenly morphed into my good friend Zach, is amused and breaks out a line. Upseedaisees! Wow! I've never done coke before. I just caught my second wind.

My friend Mike was working that night as a bouncer and he politely asked us to leave after I asked some chick if she would show me her [censored] if I gave her a quarter. "That's all they are worth bitch!" I say too loud as I spill my delusion all over the bar. We leave and walk home. On the way home I theorized, loudly, on how I could get arrested for treason that night. It must have been my racket that attracted the police. "Yes officer, I turned 21 just last month. Of course, they won't let me in with out it. Yes, we know where we are going and no, I can't tell you that. It's against my morals to recite numbers while this drunk but I would be willing to draw you a map." The cop is cool and drives me and my roommate home.

We get home to find our good friend's fiancée sitting in our house crying. Apparently our friend broke off the engagement with him and declared that she wanted to break up completely. This guy then starts to talk about killing himself that night. We argue for a half an hour. My roommate then passes out. I'm left alone to deal with this very distraught man. I'm in no condition to be doing this but I'm having a melodramatic drunk tonight so I am motivated to stay awake. I argue with him for seemingly hours. At this point, time isn't a dimension I can perceive. Some how we ended up fighting. I tell him that I'm not going to let him kill himself and we wrestle. Damn, where are my wrestling skills I honed in high school! They have escaped me as he is prevailing. I make a mad dash for the door and put my back to it and brace myself with my arms. "You're going to have to punch me out to get out of here"! I exclaim. He then winds up and knocks me the [censored] out.

I come to and he is gone. I rationalize that getting knocked out is a good excuse for stealing my roommate’s beer. Ahh, I almost forgot about the vodka as well. A couple shots are due. It's late but I've still got some party left in me. The moment I begin to wash down my first shot Jessica the heart breaker walks in through our door. She's freaking out because she just got a suicide notice from her fiancée via voicemail. She then notices my face and says "[censored] that [censored], I don't care if he does now"! I offer her a drink to calm her nerves. She is very concerned with my face despite my claims that I was in no pain. It all started with her kissing my cheek to make it better and ended with her slipping out of my bed unnoticed sometime in the afternoon. [censored] it; I never liked that douche bag fiancée of hers anyway. Just another Friday night.

[Keystone]

Jokerthief,

That story is pretty [censored] sweet. It has all the elements of a great story: alcohol, drugs, violence, and sex.

[shant]

One of my favorites is getting drunk at an Irish Pub near North Beach in SF and walking back home across the city to the TL where I lived.

In the morning I woke up with this large, ugly wicker piece of furniture set up next to my bed. It was a pretty useless dresser type thing. It was tattered and broken in places. I was pretty surprised to find it there and called my friend who I had walked back with to find out why it was in my apartment. He picked up the phone and was like, "Dude, there's a trampoline in my room."

Apparently we went dumpster diving on the way home and picked out some new sht for our apartments. He said he remembers some homeless guy telling us there was a bunch of good free stuff in the dumpster and us climbing in. He didn't remember carrying the trampoline home.

[egocidal]

Stupidest thing I did while drunk:

As a freshman on the rugby team, the seniors and older guys make you drink a lot. A loooooot. One day after a game we were partying at the rugby house and after we finished the two kegs, we decided to have some fun with them. The throwing contests got old, so we decided that we needed to put broken doors/boards, and other large rectangular objects laying across the two kegs, and people would jump off the porch on the upper level through the boards. People did it as individuals, but by the end there was only one door left and me and another rookie hadn't done it yet. So we get up on the porch, link up and jump.

I landed with my right leg on the left side keg, while my body went straight done, head first. Thhe other kid went right through. I couldn't move for a while, but we determined nothing was broken, just severly sprained and bruised.

Nothing really funny, I'm not a huge drinker (bud is where its at [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] ) but there it is.

oh yea, if you are wondering why there were doors and stuff lying around, the rugby house is a shithole and they broke many of them off the hinges.

[Keystone]

I vaguely remember karate kicking and judo chopping street signs and bringing them home on my trips home from the bar before. Also, parking cones, patio furniture, and shot glasses/pitchers.

[jokerthief]

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I vaguely remember karate kicking and judo chopping street signs and bringing them home on my trips home from the bar before. Also, parking cones, patio furniture, and shot glasses/pitchers.

[/ QUOTE ]

You must have one hell of a judo chop to be able to take down a street sign.

[Keystone]

[ QUOTE ]
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I vaguely remember karate kicking and judo chopping street signs and bringing them home on my trips home from the bar before. Also, parking cones, patio furniture, and shot glasses/pitchers.

[/ QUOTE ]

You must have one hell of a judo chop to be able to take down a street sign.

[/ QUOTE ]

The street signs were loose in the ground from rain and I had already loosened it up by repeatedly karate kicking it. The judo chop was just for dramatic effect to impress the ladies.